This guy's reaction...

Has made me wonder about him.

He explicitly stated that he wanted me and him to be friends. He then proceeded to say that he could set me up with one of his friends if I was interested in a romantic relationship. I asked, "Do any of your male friends look like 'x' from a certain show? Tall, buff, and tattooed?"

He said, "'my name' don't be an idiot... I don't have a magazine for you to flip through and we aren't here just for you" Then he sends me the message, "Plus, no offense you're not like the end all be all of women. THEY don't need to impress YOU. It's the other way around."

Am I being irrational?

Um, he sounds like a jerk. Not sure why you want to have sex with him. He's just looking for a hole. No offense.

Let me guess this guy is not tall or buff? Now he's flipping his own insecurities onto you.

Guy's not a friend, but he is a jerk. I'd cut ties with him. It's a toxic relationship/friendship waiting to happen. No thanks. No one has time for that.

Um, he sounds like a jerk. Not sure why you want to have sex with him. He's just looking for a hole. No offense.

Maybe I misread your initial post - I got the impression he wanted to be your friend with benefits. Did you change the post or I misread it?

In any case, I think what he said was unnecessarily cruel and not very friendly. He could have said, "No, I'm not friends with a bunch of male models, but a lot of them are really great guys."

Maybe I misread your initial post - I got the impression he wanted to be your friend with benefits. Did you change the post or I misread it?

 

In any case, I think what he said was unnecessarily cruel and not very friendly. He could have said, "No, I'm not friends with a bunch of male models, but a lot of them are really great guys."

No, I don't want to have sex with him. He probably got that impression though because I contacted him again after a long time (it's a long story).

Let me guess this guy is not tall or buff? Now he's flipping his own insecurities onto you.

He is tall, but he certainly isn't buff.

No, I don't want to have sex with him. He probably got that impression though because I contacted him again after a long time (it's a long story).

Ah, ok, I should have read this slower and more carefully! Ok, well definitely don't be his FWB. A few years ago, a coworker tried to set me up on a date with a friend of her boyfriend's. His response to her after he met me (not in front of me) was, "Don't you have any taller and thinner friends?" She was like, "Sorry, I'm not friends with a bunch of MODELS!!" I think your reaction was fine - you like a certain actor, he's your type. His response was pretty jerky though, like you're a speck of dust and you should be happy to get whatever friend of his who will date you. I mean, ugh, no thanks. That's what I'd say. He's obviously not going to talk you up to his friends anyway. I'd pass on that.

I would stop communication with him. You certainly don't want to date any of his friends if they are anything like him.

Lisa

Ah, ok, I should have read this slower and more carefully! Ok, well definitely don't be his FWB. A few years ago, a coworker tried to set me up on a date with a friend of her boyfriend's. His response to her after he met me (not in front of me) was, "Don't you have any taller and thinner friends?" She was like, "Sorry, I'm not friends with a bunch of MODELS!!" I think your reaction was fine - you like a certain actor, he's your type. His response was pretty jerky though, like you're a speck of dust and you should be happy to get whatever friend of his who will date you. I mean, ugh, no thanks. That's what I'd say. He's obviously not going to talk you up to his friends anyway. I'd pass on that.

Yes he could have definitely been kinder in his response, and that's the impression I got too (I'm like a speck of dust). Thank you

Aren't we all dust? We just gotta fear wind. Though wind is free. Urg I'm so conflicted.

Has made me wonder about him.

 

He explicitly stated that he wanted me and him to be friends. He then proceeded to say that he could set me up with one of his friends if I was interested in a romantic relationship. I asked, "Do any of your male friends look like 'x' from a certain show? Tall, buff, and tattooed?"

 

He said, "'my name' don't be an idiot... I don't have a magazine for you to flip through and we aren't here just for you" Then he sends me the message, "Plus, no offense you're not like the end all be all of women. THEY don't need to impress YOU. It's the other way around."

 

Am I being irrational?

Well he may be a jerk ... BUT nevertheless it's got the OP wondering about him ... enough to start this thread, so apparently he is doing something right. Ugh.

Sounds like what he's doing is an attempt at PUA, negging, etc.

But whatever... it's working cuz here you are *wondering* about him which is precisely why some guys swear by it.

SMH

Well he may be a jerk ... BUT nevertheless it's got the OP wondering about him ... enough to start this thread, so apparently he is doing something right. Ugh.

 

Sounds like what he's doing is PUA crap, negging, etc.

 

Or attempting to anyway, he actually sucks at it.

 

But whatever... it's working cuz here you are *wondering* about him which is precisely why some guys swear by it.

 

SMH

I think what got me wondering about him was wishful thinking that he might have been jealous. Regardless, I don't think he is a inherently good person.

What is your history with him? This "long story".

Did you date him and broke up with him?

And now just contacted him again?

He sounds angry. Perhaps to hide his hurt?

We need more details!

Only word that comes to mind is, jerk. I'd head for the hills and find other friends.

What is your history with him? This "long story".

 

Did you date him and broke up with him?

 

And now just contacted him again?

 

He sounds angry. Perhaps to hide his hurt?

 

We need more details!

We met on a dating site. He contacted me first saying that he was only looking for friends. I was okay with this, but then things got weird when he started asking questions like, "what would you do if I kissed you?" and "can we cuddle?" I decided to meet up with him because I was a little intrigued regarding his intentions.

During our first meeting he talked about being FWB with me. I told him I wasn't interested in the idea, and then later he went on to say that he wanted to be my boyfriend. During our first 'date' he kept dishing out compliments.

The second time I met up with him he admitted that he was engaged, and tried to set me up with his friend. I played along, but after I left I told him that I could not see him again over text.

He was very persistent with me on the dating site and through text, even though I kept telling him that I wanted nothing to do with him. It was a really messed up dynamic because I actually 'liked' the persistence, it made me feel wanted. I eventually got him to delete my number.

I actually mentioned him several times before on here.

I was lurking on the same dating website a few months and found a picture of him, that I thought was attractive. I was curious to know how he felt about me after all this time and should have left everything alone, but I wanted to know why he acted the way that he did. I wanted to know the truth.

So I contacted him again, and told him that it made me feel flattered that he considered me attractive. I also wondered why he contacted me in the first place (he never really clarified why).

He still says he looks for ‘friends’ on that site. He sure didn’t act like it when he first contacted me. He also said that he has two girlfriends now and a FWB. He insisted that we just be friends, and told me that if I wanted to be with anyone romantically he would set me up with one of his friends.

The rest of the story is in the original post…

He has no respect for you. Any other questions?

You are getting what you asked for - validation.

The trouble is, consider the source: a man with low standards and no integrity, and no respect for your ground rules.

It is time to do an exercise with yourself, teaching yourself your strong points and your weak ones. Seeing how strength comes from weaknesses. Therefore, you are enough as you are and don't need others to validate you.

So he contacts you on a dating site, advises that he just wants to be friends. Then he tells you that he wants to be your boyfriend, prior to telling you that he's engaged? Definitely not someone you'd want to associate with, nevermind be friends with. He sounds like one giant red flag. Avoid this guy. You're inviting drama and toxicity into your life if you continue to communicate/hang out with him. So not worth it.

Why you would want to get back in touch with this guy - for any reason - is beyond me.

Not that the guy is a peach by any means, but after all was said and done, you came back and essentially wasted his time, already knowing his intentions from before. The guy's patience was already limited as you've got absolutely nothing to offer him, and then when he offered to set him up with a friend, you came back at him with a Cosmo-infused checklist.

I mean the guy's a jerk. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. But I kinda think he gave you the jerk response you needed. Stop communicating with him for good and start working on receiving validation from within.

Either date his friend...or not. True, he's not offering a catalog of men for you to choose from. In fact, do your own selecting by getting on some dating apps and browsing for guys you are interested in and contacting them. He doesn't sounds like good friend no less someone to date.

"Do any of your male friends look like 'x' from a certain show? Tall, buff, and tattooed?"