I [21F] cannot stand my boyfriends [21M] motorcycle anymore.

we've been dating for 2 1/2 years now. When we first started dating he did not have his motorcycle, and when the time came for him to sell his car he told me he wanted to get a bike and that its always been one of his dreams. So, of course I'm not going to say no, since that's not my call anyways. However, this bike has become his life. He works at a motorcycle apparel shop, two of his best friends got a bike plus his cousin too, he constantly watches motorcycle videos, talks about doing wheelies, posts motorcycle related photos of him doing wheelies and riding with friends,talks about getting another bike, talks about going to the track to race and how he wants our children to one day have little motorcycles. Believe me, i was supporting at first. I watched the videos he showed me, i rode on the back with him, i never got angry when he worked on his bike while i was there... But he's so reckless and has to be the best in everything he does, and i honestly cannot stand it anymore. Plus, I know its just a matter of time before he gets into a serious accident (he has already had a few close calls). But, I understand i cant talk him out of it, even if i could i wouldn't. Just because i wouldn't want to know that i was the reason he couldn't follow his passion, and i don't think i could live with myself. Yet, i always hope that he will grow out of his bike mostly by his own decision. Not that i tell him to get rid of his bike, i just don't really comment or show interest on the matter, even if he is talking to me and expects a reply i'll just usually agree and simple say "yea" or "sure." So, i guess my overall issue is how do i put up with this? Its sad, but in the past i always imagined this relationship to maybe one day become something more, but now i don't. I wouldn't want to marry someone who who has a passion that i cannot stand. We both get along so well, and I do love him, but how should i deal with this? What is your take on this issue?

If you can't beat'em, join'em. Have you tried to go on rides, get involved etc.? To him it's more than a hobby, it's a lifestyle as it is with many bikers. If this represents an incompatibility after 2.5 yrs you many want to reflect on if you see this in the future.

Do you live together or share finances?

we've been dating for 2 1/2 years now. i rode on the back with him.i guess my overall issue is how do i put up with this? i always imagined this relationship to maybe one day become something more, but now i don't. I wouldn't want to marry someone who who has a passion that i cannot stand.

Harley Davidson was once on the brink of bankruptcy. Then they began marketing, some years ago, to middle aged and retired men. And they have become more popular than ever.

Passions like this are not something people "grow out of." Apart from expressing concerns that he is not riding safely, there is nothing you can do.

And you clearly cannot stand it. You cannot really pretend for the next 50 years. So you may be finding that you two are incompatible.

As someone who is a biker and will never give it up, I think this could be am incompatibility. He is immersing himself in the bike culture, and yeah that does for a while include the reckless wheely type behaviors, and not all people grow out of that stage sadly (giving the rest of us bikers a bit of a bad name).

If you don't enjoy bikes and he has made this his life you need to do what is best for you and your piece of mind.

Personally, I don't think I could be with someone who hated biking it is a whole other world and community.

Most people have stuff they enjoy. I know I do. Now the thing is to make time to spend with your partner. I would however express your concerns about his safty. If it's his whole life though that could be a problem. Good luck

I hate to break it to you, but there's a club of guys who are all doctors and lawyers and business professionals in their 40s, 50s, 60s and more that meet regularly a few miles down the road from my house. They have been avid bikers for a very long time, that love isn't going anywhere.

Either be 100 percent accepting that this motorcycle is as much a part of him as a fused-in limb would be or walk away if you don't like it. And yeah, even if he gets into a serious accident chances are good if he lives he'll just get right back on that bike and ride off into the sunset again.

I'm sorry, but I know bikers. It is a passion for many, not just a means of transport and it's very much always going to be that way. Your guy sounds like an honest to god biker, not someone who just thinks it's cool then decides he's tired of not having cover from the rain and snow and so he'll go back to getting a car again.

This is something you are either going to have 100 percent reconcile with or find someone else who you have more in common with or you develop the same deep passion. This doesn't sound like just a hobby to him, which is why I say that. I've talked to those fellows, they've been to my house, they've been riding since they were young. It's not something that goes away if it gets into your bones and it sounds like it has with your fellow.

The only way I can see this relationship working is to be honest about that you are not interested in his hobby, and that can be perfectly fine. He can share this particular specific hobby with his friends. He just can't expect you to be involved in that interest. The both of you will just have to decide if there is enough there for a functioning relationship. It can actually be beneficial to have some interests outside of the relationship.

He works at a motorcycle apparel shop. Did you expecting him to be pushing a minivan around? Why even start dating the guy if you feel that heavily against it as a hobby?

If you really like the guy, stop over-testing him and accept his passion for what it is. This is hardly even a big deal.

I hope he's not reckless with you on the bike! I used to be a car guy and did some dangerous street races, never once had a wreck or hit anyone, but looking back on that years later, I was very fortunate. If he's reckless on that bike it will catch up with him sooner or later. I just hope he doesn't injure another passenger (like you). I once was driving an SUV and a guy on a bike was trying to pass me in the left lane when I turned left and cut him off, he laid the bike down and skidded into my vehicle. Luckily he was walking around talking a few seconds later, but even with those minor injuries he swore he'd never ride one again.

To be honest, I'd discourage any of my kids from ever owning/riding a bike.

It can be hard to be supportive when your partner is soooo into something you're not passionate about. Is it him talking so much about it you dislike? The actual bike? What exactly do you dislike about it?

I think it's fair to sit him down and discuss. Explain you're so happy he found something he's so passionate about, but sometimes you feel a little overwhelmed at home by it all. Id say ask if you guys can have like half an hour of "bike" talk at home, then discuss other topics. Or when you're feeling overwhelmed maybe say politely "I love how much you enjoy your bikes, but I think I'm all motorbiked out. Let's talk about C, Y, Z/what else happened in your day?/oh do I have a story for you". It's hard and it'll depend how receptive he is toward it. And be polite and still encouraging.

If it's actual bikes you hate then it might just come down to incompatibility.

I don't think you can change his spirit. If it wasn't the motorcycles, it'd be something else.

I grew up with a dad with this particular passion and this kind of spirit. As soon as we were old enough, dad had us on the back of the bikes heading out on adventures. He wasn't irresponsible but he had a wild streak. My mom does too.

When he couldn't bike as much due to work and family, it was other things. I think he would have been miserable if he couldn't pursue and express that more thrill seeking side of himself. And hey, he was a great dad.

He just might not be the long term man for you. And that's ok. You are very young. This is why it's smart to really get to know someone over time before marrying them.

Incompatible. This won't work (imo) because you seem to have a serious hatred for his passion which he will NOT give up, not even for you. If you're thinking about marriage/children, then you have the wrong man. Time to re-think the relationship.

You're just incompatible. There's no right/wrong. He's a biker guy and you're not into that. For the record, I'm like you - don't like motorcycles at all because of the serious safety concern. I will never, ever get on a motorcycle and I won't date someone who rides 'em.

don't like motorcycles at all because of the serious safety concern. I will never, ever get on a motorcycle and I won't date someone who rides 'em.

Motorcycles aren't dangerous, people are. Just like guns don't kill, people use guns to kill.

Motorcycles aren't dangerous, people are. Just like guns don't kill, people use guns to kill.

Motorcycles can be dangerous, just like guns, smoking, sugar, and bungee jumping. It is within my right to not want to be with a biker (and yes, I've passed on profiles when I found out the guy liked motorcycles) just like it's within anyone else's right to decline a date with a smoker. I do take risks in life but motorcycles is not one of them. It's a lifestyle and risk choice. There is no right or wrong.

You are only 21 and dating since you were kids. It's only natural that as he makes money, becomes independent,etc. interests will evolve that you may or may not like.

However you may not want to date private pilots, guys with boats, doctors or a lot of others whose passions are going to take up a lot of time and may or may not interest you.

The best way to avoid that is to have passions of your own to pursue and date guys in that circle, for example golfers or football fans or whatever.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who who has a passion that i cannot stand.

I mean we're not talking Indonesia where you've got mopeds racing each other around corners. You're talking a bike vs. multi-ton SUVs. It takes a certain attitude and brazenness to dedicate to commuting on one. Not at all meant as a knock, but as a testament to the fact it is indeed a culture as well as a hobby.

This flies one of two ways:

1. You get involved yourself and enjoy it.

2. You accept it as his own thing and he accepts that it doesn't appeal to you and that he'll be on his own when it comes to enjoying bike time. Many partners have hobbies that their partner isn't involved in.

I'd also sit down and do some honest reflection and ask yourself if this isn't a case of him enjoying something that doesn't involve or interest you.

My husband endlessly looks up, reads about, watches videos, goes on trips (family included of course) with his Jeep. It's like a shoe obsession, but with Jeep stuff.

I totally hear you. And I have no interest in Jeep stuff, but support him, like he does with all my stuff.

I think it's time for you to not make the Jeep thing about you or your relationship, and go find your own passion or hobby.

But he's so reckless and has to be the best in everything he does, and i honestly cannot stand it anymore. Plus, I know its just a matter of time before he gets into a serious accident (he has already had a few close calls).

This would be my concern an dealbreaker- the behavior behind the motorcycle.

I get the appeal. I show, tinker, and used to race my pretty Ford Mustang. My husband LOVES his import cars and were about to be owners of an RX-7. However I took my Car out to the track to race because I don't want a speeding ticket, get arrested, or get myself/somebody killed all because of my reckless decision to street race. My life and license isn't worth that.

Your boyfriend is a kid if he can't use a bike responsibly. He shouldn't have one if he puts others in danger. Motorcycle have a higher risk of death than an automobile.

I would not put up with this behavior- I end it than worry myself about my boyfriend getting killed.

You are only 21 and dating since you were kids. It's only natural that as he makes money, becomes independent,etc. interests will evolve that you may or may not like.

I like this point. You both are young and growing up. You either grow together or grow apart.

I have nothing against motorcyclists, but those "popping wheelies down the freeway at 60MPH" people would be instantly on my "do not date" list. It just shows immense disregard for yourself, immaturity, and a "look at me!" attitude that I just can't stand.

Agree.

I don't think you can change his spirit. If it wasn't the motorcycles, it'd be something else.

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Holy crap that looks like fun. ^^^ Of course, that would be fun in my 20s, now it just looks like a good way to be seeing my chiropractor or in traction for months.

Anyways OP I hope you can resolve it. It's a tough position to be in.