New girlfriend has cheated on me

Hi everyone

I've never posted on a forum like this but I'm really in a pickle. I've been seeing a girl for about a month now, and 10 days ago she asked me to be exclusive. I couldn't have been happier, I'd never felt like this about anyone before and we both were blissful. She said she's never met anyone like me before.

On Wednesday, I went away for the night to see some friends. On my return she met me at the train station and revealed she'd slept with someone that night. She seemed genuinely devastated and was begging me to give her another chance.

Now that a few days have gone, I really find myself on the fence. On one hand, I can't believe she'd do it after saying she's so happy. On the other hand, she admitted it straight away and does seem very upset. I'm leaning towards giving her another chance as I believe in second chances, and I do really like this girl. I don't want to see her in a year and think 'what if'.

Any advice/previous experiences would be greatly appreciated.

At such an early stage in a relationship, if she truly likes you her attention should be focussed on you. If you chose to forgive, do you think you would be able to move on ? Or would you always be worrying that she might cheat again ?

Did she give any reasons ? Drunk ? Drugged ? or something ?

Personally it isn't something I would be able to deal with, and I would end the relationship.

She said she was drunk and it was all just quite new to her-she realises this is no excuse and I've made it quite clear to her that that's the case.

In terms of moving on I'm not sure. I'd like to think that I don't hold grudges and I'm quite trusting, but at the same time I'm not sure if the relationship will ever be the same. All I'm thinking is I'm tempted to give it a go and if it doesn't work out I can say at least I tried.

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry this happened. How disappointing.

My opinion is there is nothing to work with here. I'd strongly suggest you walking away.

Within the same week of becoming exclusive, she sleeps with someone else and makes a big production of it. This is only the tip of the iceberg , you don't know her very well, and already she is messing with your heart.

There are others out there. She isn't your only option. This is a good time for you to decide if cheating will be a deal breaker or not in your relationships. This is barely at relationship, more like dating. I think it'd be setting yourself up for pain to accept cheating and drama - hold yourself in a higher regard as this one isn't ready for a relationship.

If you want to teach her that you're ok with cheating and that you are one of those weak people who would overlook anything just to keep someone in their lives, then go ahead and stay with her. I know you'll say "but I told her what she did hurt me and wasn't right", yes you did but nobody really pays attention to words, it's the actions that are remembered. Your actions, if you stay, will set you up for much more heartbreak down the road.

Cheating is the #1 deal breaker. And when it happens in an extremely new relationship, right after establishing exclusivity, it's just not something that should be forgiven. Cheating doesn't just happen to someone, nobody trips and falls on a d!ck. It's premeditated, she knew exactly what she was doing, unless she has a habit of getting drunk out of her mind, to the point where she doesn't know what she's doing, which is in itself another deal breaker. At the very least, it shows she is nowhere near ready to be in an exclusive relationship. Had she truly been into you the way you make it sound, the last thing on her mind would have been having sex with another guy!

Sure you can choose to continue this, but I don't see it lasting long and I can't imagine you being able to forgive her. I know I couldn't. Best to cut her off now, before you get attached even more.

It's only been a mo. and already she's sleeping with guys after claiming she wants to be exclusive. Unfortunately this isn't a good sign but luckily she showed her true colors very early on so you can cut your losses.

It sounds like she's hot and that's why turning a blind eye to this seems reasonable. You are giving her credit for being "honest", but sadly at the same time giving her a pass to cheat again.

I've been seeing a girl for about a month now and 10 days ago she asked me to be exclusive.On my return she met me at the train station and revealed she'd slept with someone that night.I don't want to see her in a year and think 'what if'

I've got bad news for you, OP: she's not that into you. She would never have dreamed of sleeping with another man if she were. You might be falling for her, but obviously that feeling isn't exactly mutual. After only a month!

My guess is that she likes the idea of having a boyfriend, but she clearly has no respect for you or this relationship she asked for. It sounds nice on paper but she's not ready to commit.

Forget about her and carry on to find someone who respects you and understands what exclusivity means. She doesn't.

This is no time at all. Don't even bother unless you like that sort of thing.

If you stay you're giving her leeway to do it again in the future. Forgiveness is one thing - but you can do better than someone who says they want to be exclusive after a month and sleeps with someone else only days later. Being "hot" or "attractive" doesn't give you the free-pass to cheat as you please and hope that you'll be forgiven. "Sorry" is just a word. Rarely does it genuinely mean anything X

One month in and declarations of exclusivity is when we are on are very best behavior.

If this is her best what might you expect from her one year in?

I would not give her another chance. You dont know her well after a month, and she's shown a bad side of herself by sleeping with someone else at her first chance. There's plenty of girls out there who would treat you better than she is doing.

Cheating in the first month shows you what kind of women she really is. Luckily you found out early - think of how devastating this would be if it happened after 5 years of marriage.

This is actually a good thing OP. not trying to be an ass but imagine months down the line and you found out who she is..

walk away trust me.

This is only the first month it's unreal that she decides to be with another man. The first month is where the honeymoon phase is meant to still be strong and this girl is sleeping around..wow! As others have said, there is no where to go with this, and there is a very good chance she will cheat again if you stay. You're better off finding someone else who is serious and who won't do this to you, if you stay, you will only find massive drama and pain, that's very clear.

I'm just going to leave you with a question, because I'm done giving advice. Would you have slept with someone else after you just got exclusive with this woman?

If the answer is a loud, resounding No Way then ask yourself why you aren't willing to insist that anyone you're going to call a partner, the person who is supposed to most have your back at all times, gets to treat you in a way you would never treat her.

Don't you think you deserve better? I mean, your Netflix subscription has more commitment to you than this girl does. And no it wasn't a fluke or gosh I just got soooo drunk or I was lonely and he came on to meeee. (sob, sob) It's her manipulations to test how little self-esteem and confidence you have in yourself and how willing you are to let her crush the life out of what's left in order to control you. You need to admit to yourself and then her, just as you're shutting the door in her face, that it was a very vicious thing of her to do.

Forgetting to pay a bill is a mistake, putting salt in your coffee instead of sugar, that's a mistake. Cheating on someone you claim to "lurv" and "wanna life with" the moment they're out of your sight is a CHOICE. She chose to cheat on you and now she's asking for you back and this early in?

Yeah, to heck with it. I am giving you advice - my advice is RUN for the door or expect to be back here over and over while we all keep telling you the same thing - to leave her. And good luck then with the 2 to 3 years it'll take to recover from being walked on. And I'm a woman and I am totally, absolutely appalled at this girl's behavior. It's pretty disgusting.

This has revealed an issue of hers, one that will carry on through the rest of her life. Walk away, block her, and move on. If you stay with her it will definitely happen again and you will regret it enormously.

Wow as soon as you leave town she gets drunk with a guy and then has sex with him. Maybe she didn't understand what the word EXLUSIVE meant? Ha Ha

So it sounds like you are going to give her a pass on her cheating. None of us think it is a good idea but your vision is clouded because she is gorgeous and has a hot body. Will she cheat again? More than likely yes she will.

Remember being drunk is an excuse for cheating, not a reason.

If I were you I would make her explain every single detail of how she came to be hanging out with this guy, how she ended up so drunk she totally forgot about you and how many times they had sex over how many days. After she tells you all of that and you still want to stay with her then never bring it up again but keep your eyes wide open from now on.

She doesn't happen to have ex bf's as friends does she?

Lost

One month?

Next...

My advise is move on. Have some self worth already... find another one

Hi guys a quick update. I gave her another chance and now massively regret it. She didn't cheat again but a week later she freaked out about the relationship and how fast we were moving (foreign to me) and kept pushing me away and becoming increasingly distant until the spark had gone and things ended. I'm still pretty cut up about it and it's hard because she's in my friends group and I see her all the time.

Should have taken all your advice- lesson learned.

Only a month in and you leave her by herself for 1 night and she sleeps with someone else?

This isn't a kiss that shouldn't of happened this is an act that takes time and thought.

Get rid now

Hi guys a quick update. I gave her another chance and now massively regret it. She didn't cheat again but a week later she freaked out about the relationship and how fast we were moving (foreign to me) and kept pushing me away and becoming increasingly distant until the spark had gone and things ended. I'm still pretty cut up about it and it's hard because she's in my friends group and I see her all the time.

 

Should have taken all your advice- lesson learned.

I can't believe you gave her another chance and she broke up with you...

You could of been the bigger person here and had the end relationship upperhand and ended it with your head held high.

I know. It was my first experience of cheating and now I know it's a deal breaker for me. The way she treated me, after I gave her another chance, has left me feeling worthless.