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Found my girlfriend reaching out to another guy after an argument


Ry262113

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Not one to post here, but need an outsiders perspective please.

 

Had a drunk argument with my girlfriend late Friday night. I left her apartment to go sleep at mine, but turned around half way to go back and reconcile. When I got back, she was on her phone texting her new male coworker. She showed me the phone and it was clear she deleted parts of the conversation - she told me she only said one thing, "how are you." Ok, no problem...

 

I found out from him yesterday that she had reached out to him at work earlier that day to get together later, and was follow-up texting him "to go get drinks and play pool."

 

She fessed up and said that she just thought he was lonely, and she was lonely, and she "freaked out" after she texted him and deleted it..and that she was never going to go.

 

Is this something I need to worry about, or am I overreacting? Please give me your thoughts..

 

Summary: got into a drunk argument with girlfriend, left and came back to find her asking another guy to go out and drink/play pool with her. Lied about it and deleted parts of the conversation.

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How long have you been dating? What was the argument about? Do you think she was trying to set up cheating with this guy?

When I got back, she was on her phone texting her new male coworker. I found out from him yesterday that she had reached out to him at work earlier that day to get together later, and was follow-up texting him "to go get drinks and play pool."
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Definitely something to worry about. So every time there's problems between you 2 she's going to seek out male companionship elsewhere behind your back? Rather than speaking to you and fixing whatever issue is at hand?!

 

My ex bf had similar behavior to this and it is not ok. And to make matters worse she lied about it. You found out the truth from someone else.

 

Lying is never a good sign. I'm not saying break up with her. Just tell her not to do it again. We all make mistakes.

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How come you're checking her phone to this degree? Not only did you ask to see who she was texting to, but you also approached the guy to find out what they were talking about? That's not healthy, sorry. Your relationship sounds like it's not going all that well, first drunken arguments, then her reaching out to some other guy, then you being controlling and confronting the guy...I'm not sure this is worth saving.

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This is a giant problem. Be prepared to have her cheat on you, because she a) raced out to line up another guy following a fight instead of taking the time to cool off and/or address the issues with you and then b) tried to gaslight you that because they didn't meet up that means there is no problem and you're being insecure.

 

You know who does that kind of crap? People who cheat, that's who.

 

Do you really want someone who will toss you under the bus every time there's a disagreement and get back you by chasing after other guys. If she's "lonely" she should buy a dog, not hit on a coworker.

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We've been together 8 months now, and the argument wasn't over anything big, and it wasn't a huge fight. I don't mind her hanging out with guys, but to me it seems like texting a guy during a fight, at 11pm, drunk, to play pool and drink - then lying about it and deleting sure sounds close to trying to cheat.

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How come you're checking her phone to this degree? Not only did you ask to see who she was texting to, but you also approached the guy to find out what they were talking about? That's not healthy, sorry. Your relationship sounds like it's not going all that well, first drunken arguments, then her reaching out to some other guy, then you being controlling and confronting the guy...I'm not sure this is worth saving.

 

She showed him the phone. And then the guy told him what was said. So he didn't check anything - he was shown or told it.

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I found out from him yesterday that she had reached out to him at work earlier that day to get together later, and was follow-up texting him "to go get drinks and play pool."

 

It looks like she already had him in her shopping cart before the argument occurred, and this was her ticket out. It's your call, but I'd call it a day.

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She showed him the phone. And then the guy told him what was said. So he didn't check anything - he was shown or told it.

 

Got it...

I agree with everyone else, this is not encouraging news. It's also a bit strange that she felt like she had to show you what she was doing, as if she felt sort of guilty about it?

But either way, I'm afraid the trust has been broken and only you can determine if you are able to stick around and give this relationship one more chance (while keeping your eyes wide open for more red flags) or if you want to end it now.

Don't use the fact that she told you she was not attracted to the guy or interested in him as a deciding factor, because it doesn't mean anything, anyone in her position, caught in the act, would have said the same.

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Who the hell talks to another guy right after an argument? That's pretty darn sleazy and immature if you ask me. Like everyone has previously said, base on her actions; not on her words. I know for certain that if you and her get into another argument, she will probably automatically talk to another man for selfish reasons.

 

I would personally just put my time and effort onto someone else that is worth it; and for you, she isn't it.

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This is big red flag, OP.

 

If that's her impulse after having an argument with her boyfriend, it's a problem. I can understand being upset and wanting to chat to a good girl friend, but reaching out to another guy and trying to meet up with him because she thinks he is lonely is an excuse. That's a sign of someone who likes attention from other men in general and will seek it out when she feels insecure, even when in a relationship. Not good.

 

What was the fight about? I might be reaching, but is there a chance she manufactured this fight? Some people will do that when they want to shirk off their partners and have some fun with someone else. It's not right, but I have seen it happen.

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Interesting you say that, I wondered the same - the argument was over something extremely small, she started it out of no where as I closed my eyes to go to bed. Since she had started making plans with him earlier, she absolutely could've manufactured the fight..

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Interesting you say that, I wondered the same - the argument was over something extremely small, she started it out of no where as I closed my eyes to go to bed. Since she had started making plans with him earlier, she absolutely could've manufactured the fight..

 

I think it's likely that she did.

 

You have said a couple times that the fight was small, but what was it about exactly?

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Looks like she was trying to get you out of the way from what has been said.

 

Up to you but I would not stay with a gf that would do this.

 

Do not confront her, just go by her place, get your things and leave when she is not there.

 

Block her on everything. Get yourself back together and get back to life. Unfortunately their are a lot of poeple out there that think nothing of cheating.

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"she's not attracted to him and she would NEVER cheat"

 

Missed this before, but that's what an ex of mine said about an ex-girlfriend that he was "just good friends with," before I caught them cheating. Almost word for word actually, "Oh, I'm not attracted to her anymore at all. I'm with you right? You know I'd never cheat on you, how can you even think that?"

 

It was a really harsh lesson in why I needed to start listening to my gut more often. And you need to listen to yours.

 

Also I just saw that she had previously lined up seeing this guy and THEN she started the fight. Yeah, she manufactured that whole thing, so she'd have an "excuse" to go to him, because she knew she couldn't just tell you, "Oh hey, this new guy I worked with is lonely, so we're going out to play some pool and drink and you aren't invited."

 

She knows how that would have gone, so now she's trying to gaslight you and turn it around on you. I'm sorry, but if you stay expect more of this.

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