Jump to content

She called my brain 'unique' and its working 'laughable'- call off?


gdspoce

Recommended Posts

So we've been dating for seven months. We're 21 and 20, and in love. We haven't ever had anything to fight about really, we were just having this debate on sexism. She, being the intellectual snob she is ( which I thought was cute at first), told me that my brain is something really unique, she would like to do tests on it if she could. And she's going to laugh so much at my arguments after hanging up the phone.

I don't believe any self respecting man should hear this from anybody, let alone his partner. I don't think I can continue what we have, howsoever special it may be.

 

What do you think?

Link to comment
She, being the intellectual snob she is ( which I thought was cute at first), told me that my brain is something really unique, she would like to do tests on it if she could. And she's going to laugh so much at my arguments after hanging up the phone.

I'm reading this that she is being goofy... just in a very poor way. I wouldn't break up with someone over something like this.

 

I agree with Greta that if you are already thinking of dumping her, then this isn't a good sign. We do t date people just to "tolerate" them.

Link to comment

She wasn't joking. Her exact words, "Sometimes I don't know how that brain of your works. I would do scans on it if I could. I'll be laughing so much after I hang up".

Giving the context, we were having an aggressive debate, I don't think she meant it in a cute way, or a funny way.

This wasn't an "Aww, your brain is so unique, its amazing". It was "Lol are you serious? That's what you think? LOL. This is so ridiculous that its laughable."

How can one think of being intimate with someone who thinks they're basically retarded?

Link to comment
"

How can one think of being intimate with someone who thinks they're basically retarded?

 

Spot on. Some people deriving some value from being intellectual or whatever choose to associate with people they can kind of lecture instead of think together in a respectful manner. I guess they feel they have the high-hand in something here - the judging, evaluating role. If you feel your girlfriend thinks she is intellectually superior to you in general and if this is an important criterion in your relationship, I would say let go of this relationship. You don't need invalidation all the time - as it seems that you are not laughing together but she is laughing at you after you hang up. However, if you feel you are a good intellectual match together but one of you voices her frustration more vocally than the other, then you can work on solving this together.

 

I would say the clue is in you. Do you feel alienated from her because of what she said? In general, does she give you the feeling that your way of looking at the world is appreciated, valued, seen as an asset that she can learn something from or do you get the feeling that you are being "taught" something all the time? Depending on this overall context, it would be possible to hear the "laughable" thing and not get offended, or maybe it is very wise that you are offended. Please look at the impact on yourself and the context of your relationship. If you think this is going beyond the level you find acceptable, it is time to rethink. Actually, you have given the answer to this one but you may choose to think şt on another day and then decide.

 

Everyone has their own combination of values, definitions of what they like or don't like. You may choose to leave someone for something 99% of the population sees no harm in or you may choose to live with something that 99% finds unbearable. Listening to your authentic self, how comfortable you feel in yourself after you take action, what it makes you feel, I think these are the things that can help you decide.

Link to comment

Every relationship should be based on communication. If this relationship is one that you would like to keep, I would talk to her about it. Tell her that if comments like that are her idea of a joke they're really missing the mark and they make you feel like garbage. It could be her attempt at being funny but it's obviously not funny to you. If she is serious about you, she will take your feelings into consideration and stop making jokes about your intellect while you guys are debating social issues. If not, that's when I would consider a break up. It just depends on if you think it's a relationship worth keeping or if this is a deal breaker for you.

Link to comment
If you feel your girlfriend thinks she is intellectually superior to you in general and if this is an important criterion in your relationship, I would say let go of this relationship.

 

She acknowledges the fact that she is a snob. She isn't ashamed to admit it.

Link to comment

Is she insinuating she's more intelligent than you? What kind of tests?

 

Were these insults flung during a who's right who's wrong argument? It sounds quite childish, no?

told me that my brain is something really unique, she would like to do tests on it if she could. And she's going to laugh so much at my arguments after hanging up the phone

]

Link to comment

I don't know.....when you get into heated arguments expect for regrettable things to be said both ways. If you can't handle that, maybe avoid heated debates where emotions are running high and actually step aside before you get there with a "let's just agree to disagree".

 

Anyway, if you feel insulted, then tell her you feel insulted. Communicate. If there is more to your discontent than just this one fall out after a heated debate, then maybe consider that you two just aren't compatible as people and are probably better off without each other. Easier to live with someone where debates are interesting rather than heated to the point of flinging insults at each other.

Link to comment

It is quite ironic and sad (in terms of intellectualism) that an argument on sexism ends with such comments.Would she be completely OK with or does she allow men to speak to her the way she speaks to you during an argument? Then there is no problem. However, if she wouldn't let any man to adress her this way in argument (with this choice of words, and this tone), then her doing this to a man is blatantly sexist unfortunately - "men are x, yz, so they can be spoken to this way" is no less sexist than "women are x,y,z so they can be spoken to this way." Sexism works in two directions. So, depending on her attitude towad sexism, she may be owing you a big apology. She can be a snob, but she should be intellectually and theoretically coherent.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...