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It's all too confusing


sunnier

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I am in my fifties and dating a guy in his forties who is a lovely person BUT he never has any money, so I feel obliged to pay for alot of stuff {like one of my kids}. THEN there's the issue of how he could never orgasm and in the beginning of our relationship {2 years now} he politely said to me that after having three kids he understands women sometimes loosened up down there, and that was the reason why he couldn't achieve orgasm. I was DEVASTATED though I kind of understood. I never had this problem before but now maybe he was right. SO I went to my gynacologist and he performed surgery on me. I was so happy that the problem would be solved BUT low and behold, it hasn't. He still doesn't orgasm and I am trying so hard to not blame myself. I feel utterly defeated about all of this. THEN there's the issue of how he is heavily in debt {12,000.00} in credit cards and owes maybe 25,000.00 to the govt. Then he also gambles on-line {though} he says it's just for fun, not too much money involved. He know I don't like gambling {my brother lost everything cuz of gambling}. Am I being blinded by love, or am I right to worry?

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Sunnier!

 

Am I being blinded by love, or am I right to worry?

 

You are darn right to worry. Where on earth did you meet this loser?!

 

How dare he make those comments to you.

 

And he is heavily in debt and you are obliged to pay for a lot of stuff.

 

Does this sound healthy to you?

 

there's the issue of how he is heavily in debt {12,000.00} in credit cards and owes maybe 25,000.00 to the govt. "

 

He is NOT lovely person. He is a chancer, on the make and on the take.

You need this individual out of your life now.

 

Let me ask, what are the positives of this relationship for you.

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Omg this vagina stretching out thing is such BS!! It's made to stretch. It's made to have babies and putting penises and babies in there does NOT permanently stretch it. Do your arm muscles get weaker and longer/stretched out the more you stretch them? NO because that's not how muscles work.

 

Besides not understanding basic science this guy is a loser with no money. You deserve better.

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How long have you been dating? Did you meet on a dating site? It sounds like he's using your age insecurities to exploit you. He moved into your house, right?

 

Does part of his debt come from visiting prostitutes or supporting a girlfriend? His sexual complaints are interesting.

 

He doesn't love you or care about you or respect you so there is no use in continuing to buy his company and affection. He sounds like a male escort for hire not a bf.

I am in my fifties and dating a guy in his forties he never has any money, so I feel obliged to pay for alot of stuff. I went to my gynacologist and he performed surgery on me. I was so happy that the problem would be solved BUT low and behold, it hasn't.
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"He doesn't love you or care about you or respect you so there is no use in continuing to buy his company and affection. He sounds like a male escort for hire not a bf.

 

Exactly.

 

and he's worse than a male escort. This individual is a sleazy predator.

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How long have you been dating? Did you meet on a dating site? It sounds like he's using your age insecurities to exploit you. He moved into your house, right?

 

Does part of his debt come from visiting prostitutes or supporting a girlfriend? His sexual complaints are interesting.

 

He doesn't love you or care about you or respect you so there is no use in continuing to buy his company and affection. He sounds like a male escort for hire not a bf.

 

I think if the OP actually hired a male escort or even took on a house boy, she'd get a heck of a lot more satisfaction out of that because the guy would at least perform, have dinner on the table, give her a foot rub when she gets home from work and otherwise make her feel good instead of telling her she is too loose..... Good grief.

 

OP, you are being used by a callous man. I fail to see where he is nice. He is using you as financial support while he gambles his money away. You say that you have a brother who did that. Be careful that you haven't taken on this clown as a way to "fix" or "save" what you couldn't with your brother.

 

Anyway, my advice is tell him to get out of your life today. You seriously deserve better.

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"I think if the OP actually hired a male escort or even took on a house boy, she'd get a heck of a lot more satisfaction out of that because the guy would at least perform, have dinner on the table, give her a foot rub when she gets home from work and otherwise make her feel good instead of telling her she is too loose..... Good grief."

 

So true!

 

Sunnier. For your own sake, get rid of this individual. Where did he spring from?

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He is gentle, gives me compliments always seems genuinely interested in helping me when I need it. Problem is I'm a big girl and can take very good care of myself, thank you very much {just sayin'] so I feel like I have to take care of things right? That's what a girlfriend does? Right? People who love each other take care of each other. Right? I am a very loving and giving person so I would help anyone if I know they needed help. Should I talk to him about all this? I'm actually a little embarrassed to feel like a schoolgirl and not know how to go about this. YICKES!!!

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He is gentle, gives me compliments always seems genuinely interested in helping me when I need it. Problem is I'm a big girl and can take very good care of myself, thank you very much {just sayin'] so I feel like I have to take care of things right? That's what a girlfriend does? Right? People who love each other take care of each other. Right? I am a very loving and giving person so I would help anyone if I know they needed help. Should I talk to him about all this? I'm actually a little embarrassed to feel like a schoolgirl and not know how to go about this. YICKES!!!

 

Interesting response.

When asked to list his good qualities you mentioned half a line about him and then followed 4 lines about how much you contribute.

Have to add, in your half sentence you state: "He seems genuinely interested in helping me when I need it"

Seemingly interested is not the same thing as actually doing something, right?

 

We aren't disputing your contribution to the relationship.

We are asking about his.

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We've been dating for 2 years and met when I was out to dinner with my girlfriend. She invited a friend who invited a friend and there you go, we met. I live in my own home and he rents an appartment . I don't want to make him out to be a bad person, but I feel a little overwhelmed by all this. I was married to my husband for 35 years and he sadly passed away from cancer. I then met him and we started dating. VOILA!!

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He is gentle, gives me compliments always seems genuinely interested in helping me when I need it. Problem is I'm a big girl and can take very good care of myself, thank you very much {just sayin'] so I feel like I have to take care of things right? That's what a girlfriend does? Right? People who love each other take care of each other. Right? I am a very loving and giving person so I would help anyone if I know they needed help. Should I talk to him about all this? I'm actually a little embarrassed to feel like a schoolgirl and not know how to go about this. YICKES!!!

 

NOPE....that's not what a gf does, that's what a mommy does. Even so, a good mommy knows when you step aside and let her kids grow up, take responsibility and stand on their own two feet or fall on their face.

 

Remember when your kids were really young and were trying to learn how to walk? What would have happened if you ran to prop them up every single time they lost balance and fell down? They'd still be crawling on their hands and knees right? Right.

 

Being a caregiver to a healthy man is not a healthy dynamic and saying that you are just gosh darn nice, please take that energy into volunteering, but never into your relationships. Mommy/baby relationship is not how things work among two grown adults, at least not if they want a healthy relationship.

 

How can you possibly say he is kind and caring? On what warped universe? He is blaming you for his sexual issues to the point where you went under a knife, PUT YOUR LIFE AND HEALTH IN JEOPARDY, just so he can get off....but he LIED to you. You are in your 50's, you have NEVER had issues in the bedroom before this clown came into your life and now one man tells you are the problem and you buy it? Sweetie, I have some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you.......

 

 

You can be nice and caring without being a doormat and I desperately want you to wake up, get angry and start seeing the louse for who he actually is and NEVER EVER again fall for something like this. And seriously, please please examine your motivations with this man and how he might be relating to your brother's gambling problems. You wouldn't be the first or the last person to feel guilt and try to "fix" the past by taking on a similar project.

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Lonely widows often get taken advantage of financially by charming but broke men who will say and do whatever it takes to keep the cash flowing. You don't have to be a parasite's sugar mama.

 

You can find real love. You don't have to buy it from a scammer. What would he do if you suddenly didn't pay for everything?

 

Love fraud is quite common. Read up on it and take this quiz: I live in my own home and he rents an appartment . I feel a little overwhelmed by all this. I was married to my husband for 35 years and he sadly passed away.

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Dear Sunnier:

 

I am only flabbergasted. Surely to heaven there are other men out there, and yet you had to fall into the hands of an outright scammer.

 

Dancing gives great advice.

 

"Being a caregiver to a healthy man is not a healthy dynamic and saying that you are just gosh darn nice, please take that energy into volunteering, but never into your relationships. Mommy/baby relationship is not how things work among two grown adults, at least not if they want a healthy relationship.

 

How can you possibly say he is kind and caring? On what warped universe? He is blaming you for his sexual issues to the point where you went under a knife, PUT YOUR LIFE AND HEALTH IN JEOPARDY, just so he can get off....but he LIED to you"

 

 

 

What kind and/or gentle man would even say to a woman that she was not tight down there and hence was preventing his orgasms. He's the one with problems, and very BIG problems at that.

 

 

As Dancing says: "You are in your 50's, you have NEVER had issues in the bedroom before this clown came into your life and now one man tells you are the problem and you buy it? "

 

How did you get so hypnotised by this fraudster?

 

And btw he does NOT love you. Oh sure, conmen are great at talking the talk.

 

" ......gives me compliments "

 

Some compliment he gave you, S.

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This guy is a complete loser!!!! Good grief!!!

 

Why in the hell are you paying for this guy? He has issues with money and you continue to enable him by paying for things. Wake up!

 

Then, you go to the extreme of having surgery for someone who has erection issues. Really!!!

 

Get out of this ridiculous relationship, unless you get something out of playing mother.

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He is gentle, gives me compliments always seems genuinely interested in helping me when I need it. Problem is I'm a big girl and can take very good care of myself, thank you very much {just sayin'] so I feel like I have to take care of things right? That's what a girlfriend does? Right? People who love each other take care of each other. Right? I am a very loving and giving person so I would help anyone if I know they needed help. Should I talk to him about all this? I'm actually a little embarrassed to feel like a schoolgirl and not know how to go about this. YICKES!!!

 

Where are you getting your info? I don't know any woman who supports her boyfriend.

 

You get out. HE IS USING YOU!!!!

 

Put an end to your doormat days!

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This guy is a complete loser!!!! Good grief!!!

 

Why in the hell are you paying for this guy? He has issues with money and you continue to enable him by paying for things. Wake up!

 

Then, you go to the extreme of having surgery for someone who has erection issues. Really!!!

 

Get out of this ridiculous relationship, unless you get something out of playing mother.

It's actually heartbreaking to me that you went ahead with the surgery.

Did you question for moment that rather than you being too loose maybe he was in reality too small?

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