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Is he over the "lust" stage?


lovekind

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So I've been seeing a guy who is a professional sports player. I play the same sport but I've been out for a couple of years and have just started my come back. We met at a course related to our sport and everything was going great. He'd message me every single day and reply almost instantly....we also went on road trips and dinner/lunch now and then.

 

Anyways so we did end up sleeping with each other the second or third time we saw each other and it's been about 3 months since we first started talking. Lately I've noticed (and yes I know I'm going major stalk levels but it's necessary) he's been liking a range of girls photos and following girls then liking photos of them in just bikinis or g Strings....

 

He's 6 years older than me and we have spoken about our feelings and how we can't do a relationship right now because of our careers, he did say he has feelings for me more than a friend...but does that mean he can show attention to other girls? It's......confusing. Also, since we had a serious discussion about "feelings" he's stopped messaging and snapchatting me frequently..

 

He asks me to stay with him during the week sometimes but never asks to go and do stuff or hang out of the apartment. Is he just using me for sex now?

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When you had your talk about "feelings" he probably realised that you were starting to get more attached to him than he was looking for, and that you wanted to be more than a good time girl. That's not what he's after - so he's off looking at other possibilities and keeping you on the back burner in the meantime.

 

If this is a situation you can cope with, and see no reason to stop, then continue. If you're looking for more than sex, though, he is not the man to provide it. Even if he said he has feelings for you as more than a friend, pay no attention. Look at his actions rather than his words.

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It sounds like he assumes you are on board with fwb/hookups because you both agreed that "you are not ready for relationships".

 

Are you sexually exclusive?

he did say he has feelings for me more than a friend...but does that mean he can show attention to other girls? He asks me to stay with him during the week sometimes but never asks to go and do stuff or hang out of the apartment.
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Feelings more than a friend simply means sexual attraction is present. Otherwise, you would just be friends and not having sex.

 

Anyway, you both agreed that you can't do a relationship for whatever reasons, so he is single and you are single and what you have is an FWB situation that you both agreed with. He isn't using you anymore than you are using him. It just seems that you figured that sex will lead to relationship despite telling him that you aren't looking for that. He, unfortunately took you at your word and he is not doing anything wrong by contacting, flirting with, and possibly boinking other women if he wants to. He is single by your own discussion and agreement.

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Don't be sad.

You both agreed that a relationship for either of you right now is not possible so what do you think that would leave? Basically a FWB situation and that is what you have.

 

At first it was fun to hang out and do things and now it has changed to more about sex than friendship. If you are not okay with that you shouldn't be having sex with anyone until you are ready for a relationship.

 

Things sometimes don't turn out like we think they should, just learn from it and move on if it makes you feel badly.

 

Lost

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Is he just using me for sex now?

 

I wish people (mostly women but some men too) would stop referring to a mutually-satisfying sexual RL as "using."

 

It just sounds so juvenile, so high-schooly.

 

No he's not "using" you for sex, just like YOU are not using him for sex.

 

Yes to you are having what appears to be an enjoyable, mutually-satisfying sexual RL.

 

If you want something more than that with him, either communicate that to him or walk away.

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