I think my depression is getting worse

I've suffered from depression since I was a child, but I feel that as I grow older, it is getting worse. I say this because during my early and mid twenties I was still able to focus in school. Although dealing with depression was still a struggle, I was motivated to do good in school, which thankfully I did. Things are different now. I don't feel motivated in regards to my education. Most of the time, I'm unable to focus in class. I don't do my homework on time, my grades have been dropping this semester. I have been missing more school now than in previous years. There are times when I can't get out of bed cause I'm so depressed, so I skip school, often missing important lectures.

Things that I enjoyed doing before don't hold much interest to me now. I use to have fun with going out dancing, dating, listening to music, but now I'm somewhat careless about everything. Though, I may just be fed up with the dating part because it never truly goes anywhere. Two months is the longest a dating partner lasts. It's not even dating anymore. Everyone I come across just wants casual sex. I guess it is no wonder why I'm bored of this lifestyle. No one is serious anymore. This does make me very sad, and it gets lonely too.

As for my health, I sleep for 12-14 hours sometimes. I've put on some weight as well, even though I don't eat a lot. My meals/snacks are not always healthy but I eat in small portions because I get full quickly. I believe I have problems with my ovaries because on two different occasions I went to the emergency room for stomach pain, and they found cysts on my ovaries, apparently one cyst was very big. I never got checked after that because I don't have health insurance or money. I guess I'm wondering if my depression is worsening due to hormonal issues as well. I also have symptoms of sleep apnea. I didn't snore back then, but my mom noticed that I began snoring about 5 years ago. I wake up coughing every night, a couple of times a night because I feel like I'm choking. Either that, or i'm inhaling bugs, because we do live in a very old house full of spiders, mosquitoes, all kinds of other insect things...I also wake up feeling extremely dehydrated and with a dry mouth every day. Sometimes I'll wake up with a headache or a migraine. And when I wake up, I still feel very tired. I'm always low on energy, and fatigued. I'm hoping for some suggestions, or any feedback that you can offer. Thank you for reading.

I agree that how sound depressed. Have you tried therapy and/or medication? I've suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life as well.

If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. You've paid for the service already, why not use it?

Find a clinic or ask on campus about student health services. Get a physical.

I never got checked after that because I don't have health insurance or money.

You really really need to see a doctor and get a full physical. If you are in school, schools provide health coverage for students along with clinics. If you are not and totally broke, there are county health services, also there are doctors who will volunteer their time and do pro bono work, aka free for those in your situation. You might have to dig around, but do not put it off. You need serious help and a proper diagnosis.

I tried antidepressants during my teens but most of them gave me horrible and scary side effects. Zoloft was the only brand that helped a bit but then I got off it. When I was prescribed zoloft again a few years later, somehow it didn't have the same effect as the first time I was put on it. It made me very irritated easily. I don't understand how that happened. Xanax worked great for my panic attacks. I tried therapy 8 years ago, which was very helpful. This was all back when I had insurance. The state I used to live in was good with helping people with things like that. The current state I'm in has been difficult for me to apply for anything.

I agree that how sound depressed. Have you tried therapy and/or medication? I've suffered with depression and anxiety my whole life as well.

For different reasons. I know a couple of people who go there for services, so I don't want to risk bumping into them. They were very toxic friendships, and I don't want them knowing anything about my life, nor do I want to speak to them, as I cut them off without telling them why. I also don't want my teachers to know about my mental health. My field of study is a bit related to that, so I don't want anyone I know to see me there.

If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. You've paid for the service already, why not use it?

what makes you believe it's all in your head if you do not get physical exams,etc. How do you know you don't have metabolic neurological or infectious disease issues?

First of all medical information, by law, is confidential. Staying on benzos indefinitely is contributing to not resolving any of your problems.

I also don't want my teachers to know about my mental health.

I might have to do a lot of research on finding mental health clinics. It's a time consuming process but I know it has to be done. Today I called a clinic that has a sliding scale, but I hung up on them. The man who answered didn't sound legit. He answered "Hello," like a regular person. I asked if this was a clinic, and he said "uuhhh yeah..." I then asked what kind of clinic, he said "it's for mental health." So I asked if I could make an appointment, he said "uh, yeah if that's what you want to do." He was very unprofessional so I hung up! Now I'm worried that because these aren't high end clinics, the service won't be effective.

I know I have health issues. I thought my depression could be related. I've tried to find clinics but nothing is free, and that's understandable. I know now, some have sliding scales, but that I know of, exams are pricey and those probably don't have sliding scales; blood work, xrays, etc /:

I know I have health issues. I thought my depression could be related. I've tried to find clinics but nothing is free, and that's understandable. I know now, some have sliding scales, but that I know of, exams are pricey and those probably don't have sliding scales; blood work, xrays, etc /

 

Look, I really mean it when I say that doctors will perform services for free for those in trouble and without money. Please stop trying to self diagnose. You have health problems, but don't know the extent of it. Yes, even tests can be done for free. You just have to work at finding them. Frankly, if you find a physician that will volunteer his time, he will be able to direct you to the rest as well. You cannot continue as is.

 

As for refusing to go because you might run into other people you don't like....come on....you can ask to be scheduled far away from them. They'll be happy to accommodate you too as nobody wants a scene.

 

Please please just do it. Get help. Also, a sleep disorder will make you feel depressed, fatigued and can cause a slew of other health problems. So if you don't have genuine depression, anti-whatever won't help you. Whether your problems are because of the cysts, because of sleep apnea, hormonal issues, etc. - you need a real diagnosis not guesses and assumptions that it's just mental. It may well not be.

How can you afford college and smartphones and Xanax? Does your mother support you? Do you live at home or on campus? Do you work part time? Are you partying too much and can't get out of bed?

I know I have health issues.

Wiseman, I was prescribed Xanax 8 years ago, back when I had health insurance, which was in a different State. That State was somewhat good at providing healthcare for low income people, especially if you were under 21. I'm not sure what the policies are now though because I no longer live there, I live in a different state now. Because of my good grades and low income, I qualify for grants, scholarships. I've also taken out loans. That is how my tuition is covered. Yes, I live at home with family. No I do not party. With my depression and anxiety, having a social life has been difficult for me. I try to be social sometimes though, which means that I will occasionally meet one on one with someone, be it dinner, a movie. I wish I had motivation to dance and party like I did a few years ago. If ever I get my motivation back, I will definitely go out and enjoy myself. I'm not quite sure why you ask about me owning smart phones, or why that's relevant to my health issues, but I only own one phone that's probably over 5 years old.

How can you afford college and smartphones and Xanax? Does your mother support you? Do you live at home or on campus? Do you work part time? Are you partying too much and can't get out of bed?

See what you can do such as be on your parents health insurance.

Yes, I live at home with family. No I do not party.

I live with one parent who is unemployed at the moment, therefore no insurance. And after a certain age, you don't qualify to be on a parent's health plan.

If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. You've paid for the service already, why not use it?

For different reasons. I know a couple of people who go there for services, so I don't want to risk bumping into them. They were very toxic friendships, and I don't want them knowing anything about my life, nor do I want to speak to them, as I cut them off without telling them why.

If you intend to skulk around campus to avoid certain people, that can only add to the problem. It makes your world very paranoid and small, which is the opposite of striving for health.

You don't owe anyone info about your life, and nobody has a right to ask. Crossing paths in a common area can happen anywhere on campus. Just as others don't need to explain to you why they're there, they don't have xray vision into your reasons, either. Just nod hello, and move forward.

I also don't want my teachers to know about my mental health. My field of study is a bit related to that, so I don't want anyone I know to see me there.

If you're studying a related field, that justifies your presence in such a place--although a student services office requires no justification. Your studies should have introduced the concept of 'confidentiality' by now, which limits what any service provider can say about you and to whom. If you don't trust a counselor to abide by that oath, then you're demonstrating zero confidence in the field.

Isolation is the big multiplier of any mental health condition. I'd consider that carefully. You've paid for services common to all students, and counseling does not automatically equal mental illness. People seek counseling for any number of reasons, in the same manner people pursue regular checkups with a dentist or doctor to stay healthy.

Nobody has any trouble hiring a plumber or a tax expert for practical concerns, but what could be more practical than your quality of life?

Head high, and I hope you'll reconsider. At the very least, the counselor can conduct an assessment and refer you to other services you might otherwise not find access.

Wiseman, I was prescribed Xanax 8 years ago, back when I had health insurance, which was in a different State. That State was somewhat good at providing healthcare for low income people, especially if you were under 21. I'm not sure what the policies are now though because I no longer live there, I live in a different state now. Because of my good grades and low income, I qualify for grants, scholarships. I've also taken out loans. That is how my tuition is covered. Yes, I live at home with family. No I do not party. With my depression and anxiety, having a social life has been difficult for me. I try to be social sometimes though, which means that I will occasionally meet one on one with someone, be it dinner, a movie. I wish I had motivation to dance and party like I did a few years ago. If ever I get my motivation back, I will definitely go out and enjoy myself. I'm not quite sure why you ask about me owning smart phones, or why that's relevant to my health issues, but I only own one phone that's probably over 5 years old.

Check with your school. More likely than not you are covered by student health insurance and actually have insurance even though you are not aware of it. Check into it. Back when I was at uni, the enrollment was automatic by virtue of attending the school and paying your tuition and it was in fine print, just auto enrollment and if you get sick, you can use it.

Depending on how big your uni is, if they have a med school, that's another alternative to get diagnosis/treatment. There may be sleep studies being done, there may be need for med students to practice on diagnosing - you get care for free in exchange on putting up with numerous med students practicing on working out a diagnosis. You might actually get better results from that than a doctor who has been practicing for too long and gotten complacent and jaded. Just some other alternatives to consider.

Use what is available to you. If your uni is small and doesn't have that, what about other uni's? Look around and start asking around.

I truly appreciate all of your replies. I recently applied for a different healthcare insurance that I may qualify for. Unfortunately it takes about two months to process, but at least I applied, and all I can do is hope for the best. I dialed the information operator and they gave me a couple of phone numbers that may be able to see me at no cost or a sliding scale. I'm somewhat nervous I will be going in to have an assessment done tomorrow.