5 years later, still hurts...

Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up about 5 years now. And not only has the pain not gone away, but it's getting worse by the day.

I am now in a new relationship, and have been for 4 years, and we moved in with each other a year ago.

I'm 23 years old and understand that what I had with my ex was nothing serious as we were at school, although we were together 3 years.

There was a point where I had 'got over' her, hence why I moved in with my current girlfriend. I didn't have feelings for her at all for about 2 years, but then I dreamt about her, and since that day I've had at least 2 dreams about her a month. I have no contact with her at all, but now and then I can't help but check out her social media profiles.

I'm still madly in love with her, and after all this time I don't think these feelings will ever go away, and its killing me!

I know it's not fair on my current girlfriend, and I feel so much guilt for it.

Is there anything I can do to ease the pain?

All you can do is accept that the past is over and move on. You have to let go. Its a mental process that it seems you've never allowed yourself.

Are you in touch with the ex?

It sounds like the problem is your current relationship, not dreams about a high school sweetheart. That is just idealized nostalgia for the first crush and the easier times of youth and puppy love.

Did these dreams start when you moved in with your gf and things got stale and mundane?

I am now in a new relationship, and have been for 4 years and we moved in with each other a year ago. I know it's not fair on my current girlfriend, and I feel so much guilt for it.

No I'm not, I do however have friends and family that still talk to her

that kind of makes sense, yes they did

I'm still madly in love with her, and after all this time I don't think these feelings will ever go away, and its killing me!

 

I know it's not fair on my current girlfriend, and I feel so much guilt for it.

this kind of thinking is your problem, and you need to recognize when it's happening and IMMEDIATELY change your thought to something positive/current.

whatever the reason for the break up, you need to forgive the past and let it be where it's supposed to, in the past. also, if you continue to be like this, you should consider letting your current gf know what's going on inside your head because it's not fair for her and if she finds out it will be bad for you. or she won't find out and you will live with the guilt. the choice is yours

That's sad. If you feel that way about your x and don't feel that way about the current, you need to consider splitting with the current. It's not fair to her or yourself if you're "madly in love" with the ex.

What are the issues since she moved in that has you thinking about more carefree times?

that kind of makes sense, yes they did

I don't think it's my current girlfriend, maybe it's the responsibility of paying bills, the stress of work and the fact that I've moved out of town and left my social life behind.

But would that explain why I miss the little things about my ex?

I don't think it's my current girlfriend, maybe it's the responsibility of paying bills, the stress of work and the fact that I've moved out of town and left my social life behind.

 

But would that explain why I miss the little things about my ex?

No, its your hyper-focus on your ex that explains that. Rose colored glasses are how we view the past.

Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up about 5 years now. And not only has the pain not gone away, but it's getting worse by the day.

 

I am now in a new relationship, and have been for 4 years, and we moved in with each other a year ago.

 

I'm 23 years old and understand that what I had with my ex was nothing serious as we were at school, although we were together 3 years.

 

There was a point where I had 'got over' her, hence why I moved in with my current girlfriend. I didn't have feelings for her at all for about 2 years, but then I dreamt about her, and since that day I've had at least 2 dreams about her a month. I have no contact with her at all, but now and then I can't help but check out her social media profiles.

 

I'm still madly in love with her, and after all this time I don't think these feelings will ever go away, and its killing me!

 

I know it's not fair on my current girlfriend, and I feel so much guilt for it.

 

Is there anything I can do to ease the pain?

I empathise with your pain, I was exactly in the same situation as you right up until my last relationship ended, with a different girl other than my ex of 5 years.

As others have said already:

1) You need to basically stop dwelling on it, and accept that she wasn't the one, which is why you both broke up.

2) Look at your current circumstance to reaffirm that thought, you are in a new relationship of 4 years. This girl deserves all of your attention for doing that.

3) Remember the bad traits of your ex GF, it should be a lot easier to do now that you are in a new relationship - she must have had habits which drove you nuts to the point it contributed to you both breaking up.

The key is that you are never ever going to get over her unless you mentally accept that it is over between you both. You need to accept that she just wasn't the one for you, if she was, you would both still be together right now.