My girlfriend has ended our relationship.

Hi

I have just returned from her house. She ended our 18 month relationship. We are in our 30s. She said she needs to try fix herself without having the pressure of a relationship and doesnt want to feel hurried into being 'well'. She is going to go to counselling. She has been before a few years ago. She said there is alot of things from the past she needs to face.

We both told each other how special we are to each other. We basically cried and hugged for an hour. She said she would rather end it now on good terms then later on bad terms.

I said I will respect her space but I wish things could be different.

I feel so bad for her facing this. She has told 1 or 2 close friends.

I dont want this to be about me or anything.

Would just like to hear if anyone else has been in this situation?

I really dont know what I can do.

What are her issues that she needs to face alone.

I've been in a situation where I realised the guy had too much going on in his life - messy, long drawn out divorce, very demanding job - to be available for a relationship, and I ended it. It was all very civilised, and we were friends for years.

Someone who's going through a lot emotionally isn't going to be available to you, and it's not a good idea to involve yourself with someone who needs to be healed into the relationship. If one person in a relationship goes into counselling, too, they will break some of the unwritten rules of the relationship - often you only become aware the rules are there when things start feeling "off". It can place a great deal of strain on a relationship and cause a breakup, even if the movement is in a positive direction.

Your ex is wise to go it alone for a while.

This must be very painful for you, so be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. (((HUGS)))

This is an odd remark, no? Were things going from bad to worse?

She said she would rather end it now on good terms then later on bad terms.

This is an odd remark, no? Were things going from bad to worse?

She had withdrawn a bit over the weeks leading up to us splitting up.

What are her issues that she needs to face alone.

Issues from her childhood

She might not feel safe, she might not feel what you feel and its quite possible she is testing your masculine core. She is already suspecting it is only going to go further south from here because you don't need to "hug and cry for an hour". You don't know for fact about who she talked to and to whom or about what. You should also do what she says and give her space, however, make it on your terms as well and not just on hers. Meaning, that if she wants space you will respect her space and for her to be the one to get in touch with you next ONLY if its about a romantic interest, otherwise you don't want to be just her friend. You cant wait toward her and wait for her to come around. You have other things you should be doing. Women don't want the power, that's your job and sounds like the part youre messing up on.

When she cries to you about stuff just shut your mouth and listen to her, don't be irrational or give advice or look to fix things for her. Just open your ears and shut your mouth.

And unless its something very drastic and heartbreaking where something happens whether it be a death in the family or something tragic don't just sit there and cry and hug. You are the one that's suppose to be her strength! She wants space, then fine, let it slide off your back and off you go without her.

Shes the one that feels better crying to you and letting you off easy. Not the other way around, that's how women are designed. Theres probably plenty of reasons why it got to this point, you just didn't recognize the symptoms of where it started going bad.

I am also in my early 30s and have dated quite a few women where it doesn't matter about their past too much as long as they are happy, once when they become unhappy they find excuses other than YOU to blame so they don't hurt your feelings to break it off. The solution for you my friend is it shouldn't bother you, she says its not you..........so don't let it bother you. She will find that quality more attractive and open up to you more then if you "TRY" to fix it.

I made your mistake a few times and watched good women walk right out of my life thinking if "I just show her I care by getting all wishy washy, she will understand" But it don't work that way. You make your terms and let her know and you walk......You cry and brush your self off in the privacy of your own home and get together with your bros to help get your mind together. And back out there you are, don't make the process difficult.

You let her go on your terms she will most likely come back, you go back to her trying to be "friendly" you will most likely bump into her and the new guy she replaced you with.

She might not feel safe, she might not feel what you feel and its quite possible she is testing your masculine core. She is already suspecting it is only going to go further south from here because you don't need to "hug and cry for an hour". You don't know for fact about who she talked to and to whom or about what. You should also do what she says and give her space, however, make it on your terms as well and not just on hers. Meaning, that if she wants space you will respect her space and for her to be the one to get in touch with you next ONLY if its about a romantic interest, otherwise you don't want to be just her friend. You cant wait toward her and wait for her to come around. You have other things you should be doing. Women don't want the power, that's your job and sounds like the part youre messing up on.

 

When she cries to you about stuff just shut your mouth and listen to her, don't be irrational or give advice or look to fix things for her. Just open your ears and shut your mouth.

And unless its something very drastic and heartbreaking where something happens whether it be a death in the family or something tragic don't just sit there and cry and hug. You are the one that's suppose to be her strength! She wants space, then fine, let it slide off your back and off you go without her.

 

Shes the one that feels better crying to you and letting you off easy. Not the other way around, that's how women are designed. Theres probably plenty of reasons why it got to this point, you just didn't recognize the symptoms of where it started going bad.

 

I am also in my early 30s and have dated quite a few women where it doesn't matter about their past too much as long as they are happy, once when they become unhappy they find excuses other than YOU to blame so they don't hurt your feelings to break it off. The solution for you my friend is it shouldn't bother you, she says its not you..........so don't let it bother you. She will find that quality more attractive and open up to you more then if you "TRY" to fix it.

 

I made your mistake a few times and watched good women walk right out of my life thinking if "I just show her I care by getting all wishy washy, she will understand" But it don't work that way. You make your terms and let her know and you walk......You cry and brush your self off in the privacy of your own home and get together with your bros to help get your mind together. And back out there you are, don't make the process difficult.

 

You let her go on your terms she will most likely come back, you go back to her trying to be "friendly" you will most likely bump into her and the new guy she replaced you with.

I haven't seen her or contacted her since we split up. I'm going to keep it that way.

How are you doing there brother? You hanging in there? Whats the news?

How are you doing there brother? You hanging in there? Whats the news?

Still no contact. a couple of her friends are liking my instagram posts but thats it really. Im keeping busy and trying to not think about her.

Still no contact. a couple of her friends are liking my instagram posts but thats it really. Im keeping busy and trying to not think about her.

Why should you care about her friends instagram posts? You don't sound that busy if you are waiting around just hoping you get some kind of approval.

You need to quit focusing on what she "thinks" and stop worrying about what her friends that think about you on something so pointless and stupid.

I have no idea who you are right now, but my advice to you is the very next girl you see that you find attractive go right up to her and say something.

No clever line, no reason to try to pick her up, no reason at all but to just make her day and make her smile. Make that your GOAL! Do that sometime TODAY!

Quit worrying about her and what her friends think off of something that is just on the internet. Do you have any idea how good you would feel if you approached a woman that you are interested in just walking around and you bumped into her and had the balls to talk to her and had a connection with her in person? No cheesy lines or have to be at a bar drunk to gain the courage, just flat out say the word "HELLO".

Women love men with a back bone. Women love the first intro to attraction. How do you think you might have lost your girl?

The more you fear she is going away, the more you push that toward her, and its becoming fact, that the more she walks away clean from you the less she feels for you. You aren't walking away to get her back, you MUST have the mentality that you are walking away that you are better off. You have to have the mind frame that YOU are better off without HER! She already knows she can have you.......You are not a challenge for her.

Date another girl. Its fun for you. And also healthy.

Why should you care about her friends instagram posts? You don't sound that busy if you are waiting around just hoping you get some kind of approval.

 

 

You need to quit focusing on what she "thinks" and stop worrying about what her friends that think about you on something so pointless and stupid.

 

 

I have no idea who you are right now, but my advice to you is the very next girl you see that you find attractive go right up to her and say something.

 

No clever line, no reason to try to pick her up, no reason at all but to just make her day and make her smile. Make that your GOAL! Do that sometime TODAY!

 

Quit worrying about her and what her friends think off of something that is just on the internet. Do you have any idea how good you would feel if you approached a woman that you are interested in just walking around and you bumped into her and had the balls to talk to her and had a connection with her in person? No cheesy lines or have to be at a bar drunk to gain the courage, just flat out say the word "HELLO".

 

Women love men with a back bone. Women love the first intro to attraction. How do you think you might have lost your girl?

 

The more you fear she is going away, the more you push that toward her, and its becoming fact, that the more she walks away clean from you the less she feels for you. You aren't walking away to get her back, you MUST have the mentality that you are walking away that you are better off. You have to have the mind frame that YOU are better off without HER! She already knows she can have you.......You are not a challenge for her.

 

Date another girl. Its fun for you. And also healthy.

You misunderstood me. Her friends liked things that I posted on Instagram.

I hear what you are saying. It's time for me to stop thinking about her and to focus on what is good for me.

I am thinking of breaking no contact to apologise for taking her for granted. I can see now that we wouldn't have worked out. But feel putting closure on it would help me move on.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Breaking no contact to "apologize" and for "closure" is just an excuse. You know it is. You're hoping it will turn into a reconciliation.

Has she indicated in any way that she wants to reconcile?

If not, please don't humiliate yourself.

Ok...as a woman in her 40s who has had emotional issues that i had never faced up to till recently...i want to say this. She cannot love anyone in the right way until she loves herself. If she needs counselling to do this then just let her be. Trust me do not break no contact, she needs the space to get herself well and if you keep being there you will become her emotional crutch and she will friendzone you...i have been there and done it. Let her heal and then see what happens. This cant be rushed, it may take her months to get theough this process. You carry on living your life in the meantime x

Breaking no contact to "apologize" and for "closure" is just an excuse. You know it is. You're hoping it will turn into a reconciliation.

 

Has she indicated in any way that she wants to reconcile?

 

If not, please don't humiliate yourself.

No she hasn't. You are right. Thanks for commenting. I haven't contacted her.

Ok...as a woman in her 40s who has had emotional issues that i had never faced up to till recently...i want to say this. She cannot love anyone in the right way until she loves herself. If she needs counselling to do this then just let her be. Trust me do not break no contact, she needs the space to get herself well and if you keep being there you will become her emotional crutch and she will friendzone you...i have been there and done it. Let her heal and then see what happens. This cant be rushed, it may take her months to get theough this process. You carry on living your life in the meantime x

Thank you for your time and point of view. I'm working on myself and what is right for me.

I still hope we can be together. But I am also preparing myself for a future without her in it.

I am still thinking about her but not all of the time. I am keeping myself busy and socializing. Exercise and a good diet is really helping. Beginning to see she isn't perfect and neither am I. No contact is helping me

Over the Christmas period I will probably bump into her if I go out to meet up with friends.

We have mutual friends/small town. I am afraid of how I will react to seeing her.

Should I do my best not to bump into her. As in avoiding places and days I know she is more likely to be around.

Over the Christmas period I will probably bump into her if I go out to meet up with friends.

We have mutual friends/small town. I am afraid of how I will react to seeing her.

Should I do my best not to bump into her. As in avoiding places and days I know she is more likely to be around.

Hi mate, I have similar predicament with whether or not to try avoid an ex who I had an amicable split. Judging from your messages I'd say it's best to try and avoid as that contact will probably set you back and maybe create a sense of false hope - which I know I need to avoid doing too.

Try and keep up NC until you are calm and feeling pretty untroubled by the situation.

Hi mate, I have similar predicament with whether or not to try avoid an ex who I had an amicable split. Judging from your messages I'd say it's best to try and avoid as that contact will probably set you back and maybe create a sense of false hope - which I know I need to avoid doing too.

 

Try and keep up NC until you are calm and feeling pretty untroubled by the situation.

Yea I think you are right. In the case I do end up being in the same place as her I will say hi and wish her well. And then get myself out of the place ASAP.

Hi

Just an update.

I kind of expected to hear from her over christmas and new year but I didnt.

I didnt see her on nights out over the festive period. I am feeling better about the situation

but still I dont think I could feel comfortable in her presence. So it was good not to be in

that situation. I am keeping busy by eating well, exercising and doing hobbies.

Its now 10 months since the break up. I thought i was finally moving on.

Recently I had a bereavement in the family.

My ex contacted me and sent a couple of supportive messages over a few days.

I thanked her and didnt ask her anything about herself. She sent a card a week later.

This has made me think about her again.

Help