How did you know they were "the one".

Hi everyone,

I am curious, those of you who are happily married/in committed life partnerships, was there a specific moment you knew or realised this person was right for you? How did you know?

Thanks.

I am curious, those of you who are happily married/in committed life partnerships, was there a specific moment you knew or realised this person was right for you? How did you know?

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We've only been together for a year and a half but we've known each other forever. Both in our early 40's BTW. I knew for sure when after about 9 months into our relationship I had a major issue with something and he handled both me and the issue with grace. Then when I knew I could be myself with him and he loved it. Add.... he shows me he loves me so I don't need to hear the words even though he says it all the time. Hope that helps.

How did you know they were "the one".

Because I had no doubts that he wasn't the one.

Because I had no doubts that he wasn't the one.

Ditto. When you have to question it, meaning there is doubt, then you know s/he is not the one. When in doubt, don't.

This is a side note from the original topic but this is a good thing for me to hear. So thanks

Ditto. When you have to question it, meaning there is doubt, then you know s/he is not the one. When in doubt, don't.

I knew it was wrong. When we got engaged, I thought it might be right. Or did I. I still can't remember the moment I was asked; I blocked it like a trauma. We fought. People said, no, its just the stress of the planning. I stood at the back of the church, and thought, I think this is wrong. In Year 3 I thought, I should cut my losses now. Everyone else said it was right. It was quite wrong.

Ignore everyone else. Listen to that quiet voice inside. Find peace. If you find excitement, you're not there yet.

It may sound like it's BS but ...... The first night I met him there was this voice in my head that told me that we would be married . No joking. We got engaged after being together for year and we got married five years after being together . We have been together since the night we met 27 years ago. In fact it is the anniversary of our first date coming on Thursday. I just knew.

Ditto. When you have to question it, meaning there is doubt, then you know s/he is not the one. When in doubt, don't.

Ditto x 2.

I'm not married or live with my partner but we've been together for one year four months and I think he's the one (haven't told him that lol). There wasn't an "ah ha" moment for me, it's more like over time I became more and more certain of it, I think of it like a percentage that grow and grow over time. If I have to trace back, I began to think he might be the one around 3 months in.

For me, the certainty came from the lack of doubt, there's nothing about him that makes me pause or feel unsure. This together with a feeling of peace and contentment in the relationship is what makes me think it will last in the long haul.

I compare it to my past relationships where I was always unsure about certain aspects of the guy and feel like I needed to wait and see (actually I didn't, what I saw was what I got, that didn't change over time), and this is a no brainer

Hi everyone,

 

I am curious, those of you who are happily married/in committed life partnerships, was there a specific moment you knew or realised this person was right for you? How did you know?

 

Thanks.

I don't have any particular romantic answers. I personally like that we went through our relationship for years and got to the point of feeling like family.

There isn't any rush to get there. In fact, the less you rush it, the smoother the transition feels. I've had good relationships for a year or two. But really time is the best "teller" of whether those feelings were "mutual" and also lasting.

Let me just preface this by saying there is no such thing as "the one". (oneitis).

ITIC says it well:

"Listen to that quiet voice inside. Find peace. If you find excitement, you're not there yet".

If your radar is fogged up and your instinct out of kilter then you cannot hear or listen to that "quiet voice".

I think it is a gradual process. Things seemed to fit into place. The slow fire so to speak. No fireworks and craziness, and most definitely no desperation. We were engaged for almost two years first.

IMO the most important thing is tpo know when someone ISN'T right for you.

Someone who truly gets your sense of humor, and has the same, wow. And you can always be yourself.

Funny thing was we dated when we were 18 for 4 months. And getting back together at 32 - can't say there was one moment - I just discover a new reason why he's the one everyday (some days more than others! Ha!).

For me though, it's not about fate or soulmates - the one also becomes the one with shared life goals and contributions to each other through time, love, and effort.

Couldn't tell you why he was the only man who I could picture marrying. But he was the only one. It does drastically help that we have a lot in common, are the same age, and knew each other as teens. And I think he's hot.

No such thing as hearing sirens; if you do, get your hearing checked.

We've only been together for a year and a half but we've known each other forever. Both in our early 40's BTW. I knew for sure when after about 9 months into our relationship I had a major issue with something and he handled both me and the issue with grace. Then when I knew I could be myself with him and he loved it. Add.... he shows me he loves me so I don't need to hear the words even though he says it all the time. Hope that helps.

Could you elaborate on this issue?

I agree that if somebody loves you then you will know by how they treat you and that is more important than hearing it all the time

Ditto. When you have to question it, meaning there is doubt, then you know s/he is not the one. When in doubt, don't.

I am the type to doubt everything, if I ever met someone who I didn't have doubts about I would doubt my sanity haa.

I knew it was wrong. When we got engaged, I thought it might be right. Or did I. I still can't remember the moment I was asked; I blocked it like a trauma. We fought. People said, no, its just the stress of the planning. I stood at the back of the church, and thought, I think this is wrong. In Year 3 I thought, I should cut my losses now. Everyone else said it was right. It was quite wrong.

 

Ignore everyone else. Listen to that quiet voice inside. Find peace. If you find excitement, you're not there yet.

How did you know it was wrong?

As Heart said:

"Because I had no doubts that he wasn't the one."

OP asks:

"...you knew or realised this person was right for you? How did you know?

What EXACTLY do you want to know OP.

Before I first met the man who would become my husband, of course I had dated others. But at the time I was not interested in marrying or an LTR, not because of them, but because I did not want to marry then.

When you are at ease in your own skin, self-reliant psychologically, well-adjusted, able to "read" others then I think you become a good judge of the person you decide will be your spouse or LTR.

It may sound like it's BS but ...... The first night I met him there was this voice in my head that told me that we would be married . No joking. We got engaged after being together for year and we got married five years after being together . We have been together since the night we met 27 years ago. In fact it is the anniversary of our first date coming on Thursday. I just knew.

If only it were that simple for us all

I'm trying to recall how I felt on all my first dates but I have only had a handful. I can't say that many of them were very inspiring tbh.

Ditto x 2.

 

I'm not married or live with my partner but we've been together for one year four months and I think he's the one (haven't told him that lol). There wasn't an "ah ha" moment for me, it's more like over time I became more and more certain of it, I think of it like a percentage that grow and grow over time. If I have to trace back, I began to think he might be the one around 3 months in.

 

For me, the certainty came from the lack of doubt, there's nothing about him that makes me pause or feel unsure. This together with a feeling of peace and contentment in the relationship is what makes me think it will last in the long haul.

 

I compare it to my past relationships where I was always unsure about certain aspects of the guy and feel like I needed to wait and see (actually I didn't, what I saw was what I got, that didn't change over time), and this is a no brainer

 

 

I thought my ex was the one, looking back on it now I don't know how I could possibly have entertained the idea of it, he was so wrong for me in almost every way, but certainly he was the wake up call I needed.

 

How do you mean, there were aspects of the guy you had to wait and see?

My husband was very first and only date. I had no experience or expectation at all . I did no dating until I was 22 almost 23 years old . So it was really rather odd . I had no experience because I was terrified and horrified of men to be truthful . But he came along and made me trust them once again . I didn't know that at first meeting of course .

I don't have any particular romantic answers. I personally like that we went through our relationship for years and got to the point of feeling like family.

 

There isn't any rush to get there. In fact, the less you rush it, the smoother the transition feels. I've had good relationships for a year or two. But really time is the best "teller" of whether those feelings were "mutual" and also lasting.

I'm glad, I just want sensible ideas, I'm not much for romance. I've done rushing in the past, it never worked. I think it came from a place of needing validation. With this relationship I am more concerned with what he has to offer and if we could last through troubles, can we talk things through and compromise.

Let me just preface this by saying there is no such thing as "the one". (oneitis).

 

ITIC says it well:

 

"Listen to that quiet voice inside. Find peace. If you find excitement, you're not there yet".

 

If your radar is fogged up and your instinct out of kilter then you cannot hear or listen to that "quiet voice".

 

I think it is a gradual process. Things seemed to fit into place. The slow fire so to speak. No fireworks and craziness, and most definitely no desperation. We were engaged for almost two years first.

 

IMO the most important thing is tpo know when someone ISN'T right for you.

I don't believe in "the one" hence the inverted commas. And yes exactly why I ask as I don't trust my instinct one bit, my inner voice is too busy questioning myself and everything around me to take too much notice when it questions anything.

I think you are right. I should be asking the question, how did you know that your ex wasn't right for you!?

This relationship is very different to all my previous ones. A slow fire as you call it. I'm wasn't bowled over by him initially, he just impressed me very much. I continued to see him and as time has gone on I feel very glad that I gave it the chance to develop. Maybe that is a sign in itself?

Well, you could be on the right track, T.:surprise:

It might be a good idea to get to work on nurturing that instinct. we all have it, but we just need to give it a chance.

When I first met my to-be husband there were no instant fireworks, lightning bolts or clashing cymbals. He seemed very nice, a stable sort of person, interesting, well-educated, in no way "full-on". He asked me on a date three weeks later, and we dated for a couple of months. Then he had to travel for a number of months (as did I) so, no big deal.

I didn't pine and I don't suppose he did either. Perhaps deep down at some level I did know this was the man I would marry.

We did keep in touch, and no not every day. When we met up again, we kind of took up where we had left off.

As Heart said:

 

"Because I had no doubts that he wasn't the one."

 

OP asks:

 

"...you knew or realised this person was right for you? How did you know?

 

What EXACTLY do you want to know OP.

 

Before I first met the man who would become my husband, of course I had dated others. But at the time I was not interested in marrying or an LTR, not because of them, but because I did not want to marry then.

 

When you are at ease in your own skin, self-reliant psychologically, well-adjusted, able to "read" others then I think you become a good judge of the person you decide will be your spouse or LTR.

I just want some other peoples experiences and advice to measure against how I am feeling in this relationship.

I don't think I will ever be well adjusted, I just try my best with the resources I have.

The way you describe your prior relationships, not wanting an LTR or to marry, was how I felt before I met my ex, I was just looking for some validation and to not have yet another train wreck of a relationship. More than anything I wanted to just have a relationship that worked, with a partner who felt like a team mate. I decided before I even met my ex that this was it, we were perfect for each other and we would make this work in a way none of my previous relationships had. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was the most awful relationship I have had. I couldn't give up though, I didn't want to feel like a failure yet again. I tried and tried so hard for nearly 3 years and gave up because it was just so unhealthy and I realised I was damaging myself by continuing.

My current relationship was very different. It still is very different, almost the opposite in fact. I wasn't looking for anything serious (though I'm not opposed to it) and fully wanted and expected to just date different people and learn to get to know people and cultivate an attraction towards more healthy individuals until eventually I found somebody I wanted to keep. It didn't work out like that though, I met somebody who met all my requirements on the dot straight away. I feel like maybe he is too good a catch to just throw away for the sake of dating others and learning more healthy habits. I have been very encouraged (sometimes nagged) by him to develop healthily in other ways.

To sum it up I think at the 6 month stage I am just considering how serious I am about him and whether I could see this really working out. But I feel it's just too early to say. I'm being rational, how dull! hah.

Someone who truly gets your sense of humor, and has the same, wow. And you can always be yourself.

 

Funny thing was we dated when we were 18 for 4 months. And getting back together at 32 - can't say there was one moment - I just discover a new reason why he's the one everyday (some days more than others! Ha!).

 

For me though, it's not about fate or soulmates - the one also becomes the one with shared life goals and contributions to each other through time, love, and effort.

 

Couldn't tell you why he was the only man who I could picture marrying. But he was the only one. It does drastically help that we have a lot in common, are the same age, and knew each other as teens. And I think he's hot.

 

No such thing as hearing sirens; if you do, get your hearing checked.

I'm not sure he has a sense of humour haah.

Yes this all sounds very logical, I will figure it out in time I guess. I'm so impatient.

I used to fantasise about how my future might look with the guy I was dating at that particular time a lot, I've checked how my first name sounds with the surname of every man I've dated lol. I've never imagined saying yes to a proposal though, I have always imagined saying no. Maybe that is how I will know?

Nothing dull T about being rational and tuning into your instinct.

See how it goes. No one can mind-read.

I wasn't looking for validation from anyone (never done that in my life). Any dates or relationships I had before were, well, because it was fun. Mind you some of those guys did want something more serious, but I just didn't wish to get married young. I enjoyed my work, travel, my friends, a very good social life, .....

Heh heh. My mother used to say "oh she's too indepdendent", and had come to the conclusion I might never marry.