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Did I scare him away by acting too needy?


Sarahmissy

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Hey, so I've been seeing this guy for just over a month now. We have only met 3 times.

Everything started out great, he would text me everyday, he is a very slow to reply but at the start would take 20 minutes up to a few hours. The first time we hung out it was amazing and we had such a chill and good time together. After this I started to get stronger feelings for him but I wasn't showing it that much. The second time we hung out I started getting a little more intense in person, like complimenting him lots and getting a little romantic. He then text me the next day saying that he isn't looking for anything too serious and that he feels I am over thinking things too much. I told him I wasn't after anything too serious either and that I didn't feel like I was.

The third time we saw each other, he stayed at mine and we had sex. Everything went fine. I became very attached and clingy after that. I could tell he had began to withdraw and not text me as much and he would cancel seeing me at the last minute. I called him out on it and said that if he doesn't want to see me anymore then that's fine and no harsh feelings.. he said he really likes me though and still wants to see me. So I let it go and probably kept being clingy and texting him back fast.

The other day I text asking him to stay that night or the next night and he said probably not the best idea because he has work in the morning and I said, I do too and we can have an early night. he said he's busy tonight anyway so I said how about tomorrow night and he said maybe and I said that he will just cancel and he said probably haha sleep is more important. I then got mad and said I didn't like that he said sleep was more important than me and that I don't feel very wanted etc. He then said that he feels like things are getting way too serious and that he said from the start he wasn't wanting a relationship and now it feels like it. That he didn't mean to offend me. I sent a chill message saying no worries, we are both busy and we should just make the effort when we can and not overthink things. He hasn't replied for over 24 hours now and the other texts were spread out between 2 days because he took either hours to respond or a whole day.

I don't know where to go from here.. I feel like I've ruined everything by being way too needy help.

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Yeah you did.

 

But really, what he should have said was he was only looking for casual sex when he felt like it. He worded what he wanted so that you wouldn't think he was a douche-bag. But he really just wants some fun.

 

This will not work because you clearly want a boyfriend.

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I just wanted to take things slow and see where they went but I rushed into it too fast and ruined everything. I have very bad anxiety and it just gets in the way of everything.

Is there anything I can do to fix it? I haven't replied to his last text.. I'm giving him space until he comes to me. His last text he apologised for offending me, it didn't sound like a goodbye...

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He does not want a relationship. He only wants sex.

 

This does not sound like what you are seeking. I think that you need to be honest with people if you are looking for more than casual.

 

Texting needs to be reciprocal, and it was not.

 

I'm sorry, but he owes you nothing, he told you he only wanted casual (FWB) Please listen to what people tell you, and it will save you much pain.

 

Delete this guy's contact info. He is not interested.

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Hi,

 

You need to cut your ties with this guy as he clearly doesn't want a relationship like you do.

May I suggest the next guy you date wait until you are in a committed boyfriend and girlfriend relationship where he returns the same affection to you before you have sex. It's better to wait for sex until then otherwise you just end up getting used.

 

Lisa

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You say you don't want a relationship but you behave like you do and what you want from him, the consistency in communication, romance etc, are reserved for relationship. FWB or casual sex doesn't come with those things, there's no obligation and expectation or anything more than casual hang outs and casual sex. You clearly aren't handling the reality of being in a FWB situation well and frankly I don't know why you'd want to force yourself into one.

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Guys I don't want a relationship either! I am happy enough to be FWB now that I know where I stand. I just want to know how to get back to that stage from here.

Fwb don't develop 'intense feelings' like you describe

 

They don't get upset when their friend is tired because they are not emotionally attached and don't take it personally.

 

FWBs don't count the time between texts either and measure it as a level of interest and commitment.

 

Not only should you be honest with others, but your life would be alot easier if you were honest with yourself.

 

It's not a crime to want a boyfriend, but yes, you are likely to scare that off too if you can't dial back your intensity.

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Guys I don't want a relationship either! I am happy enough to be FWB now that I know where I stand. I just want to know how to get back to that stage from here.

 

I don't think you can. He has seen your anxiety loud and clear.

 

Why do you have so much anxiety? You are asking how to fix this and my suggestion is just learning from this, moving on, and addressing the anxiety.

 

The compulsion to keep him around right now seems anxiety based IMO.

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Guys I don't want a relationship either! I am happy enough to be FWB now that I know where I stand. I just want to know how to get back to that stage from here.

If that's the case, then why are you so upset about him not responding fast enough to your texts?

 

I would also like to refer to this: "I then got mad and said I didn't like that he said sleep was more important than me and that I don't feel very wanted etc." These are not the words of someone who is satisfied with a FWB.

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From the look of it? This relationship is only about "sex"

He "warned" you about his intentions, and instead of backing out? You also wanted the same thing!

But what you are failing to notice? Is that there is "nothing exclusive" between you two!

So when you started ranting about your feelings? He called your bluff, and is now backing out.

If you were thinking of trying to take things slow? And gradually work into an exclusive relationship? Then you were setting yourself up for failure. He is set on what he wants.

You want him back? Then it only has to be about "sex" and nothing more. But in your case? It's best you move on, because you clearly want something meaningful.

Good luck!

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He has already told you he did not want anything serious and you have only seen one another three times. He sounds as though he only wants a casual sexual relationship and you're pushing it to be more and being suffocating and needy. I think you need to back away and ask yourself if you can handle things only being based on sex with not a lot of feelings involved and if you can't, then move on. He does not want more than this and has maybe even decided already that you're going too over the top already and has backed out completely. Next time you get involved with someone make sure you're both wanting a relationship that is more than casual sex so that you don't end up having more expectations again.

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At open post, things you said shows that you want a relationship. On another post, you say you don't want relationship. I think first you must decide "what do you want" He, at least, told you directly that he doesn't want a relationship but sex. You can't expect anything romantic from a person who don't feel anything. And you didn't ruin anything because there's nothing to ruin. You clearly want someone to love and believe this guy is the one you're looking for but he clearly isn't.

 

So, my suggestion is; just delete him from contact and move on, because he's not gonna give you what you want and you're gonna lose time. Maybe even miss the real one you're looking for...

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Guys I don't want a relationship either! I am happy enough to be FWB now that I know where I stand. I just want to know how to get back to that stage from here.

 

Yes, you do want a relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be saying this: "After this I started to get stronger feelings for him but I wasn't showing it that much. The second time we hung out I started getting a little more intense in person, like complimenting him lots and getting a little romantic.". These are not the words or actions of someone who doesn't want a relationship and is content with a FWB arrangement, not even close! You just want him back, no matter what, even if it's as a f*ck buddy, because you don't want him to get out of your life for good. Be honest with yourself, this is the first step!

 

Your mistake was not developing feelings for him, or acting clingy. The mistake was having sex with him *after* he told you he didn't want anything serious, even though you knew you were catching feelings for him. Instead of listening to his words and believing him, you probably hoped sex would change his mind, and that almost never happens, sex is something anyone can get anywhere, it's no longer a hot commodity. It's important to know how to distance yourself from those who make it clear they can't (or won't) give you what you want, but like I said, the first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself about what you want.

 

This guy will never be your boyfriend, and he was honest with you from the start. Pursuing anything further with him would only hurt you more, because FWB and feelings can't coexist and you already admitted to having feelings for him. You didn't scare him away or killed any chances for a relationship because he never wanted anything serious to begin with.

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really sorry to hear that wel its never a problme to my understanding to "being clingy" some people like it and some just don't

But leaving people hanging like that is like a big no no in so many ways.

 

I'd say cut it cause from your story i can only say your being used and nice things are being said to you to get what he wants and none of your feelings mean anything.

 

you seem strong minded so you'll get over the guy hope all is well so far.

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