Ex keeps asking me for money even though I'm supporting the baby by myself

So. I have a very long story to my past but basically going to try to describe

This current particular situation very short and sweet. I have an estranged husband and we have been physically seperated for over a year now and finally next week going to be getting legally separated. But he's most of the time I've known him been for the most part dependent on me. You can oviously guess I had been taken advantage of in my relationship with him. Which is a correct assumption. Especially financially. Well now that he's been living on friends or family members couches since or even living with one or two different girlfriends, he still has the audacity to ask me for money or help him sometimes even though I carried his child for 9 months and now that our baby is almost turning 9 months with Barely any help from him. He is once again asking for more help. Even though he has yet another girlfriend, he decides to text me for some reason and ask for twenty bucks Bc his grandparents kicked him out of their house and now he has nowhere to stay. Which then I guess is his way of making me feeing guilty. He acts like I'm always his only hope . I will never be with him ever again Bc I've already taken him back multiple times even though this man has done every last ting you can think of to ruin our relarionship. Cheating , lies, stealing from me, putting me into debt, totaling my car, his alcoholism which led to many fights and altercations of almost physical abuse by pushing me or grabbing my arm, and definite emotional abuse . And him being narcissistic . you name it, he's pretty much done it to me. And people ask why I still bother to talk to him or even care? Bc he's my daughters father. And I'll always have only that ounce of care and respect for him and I always will. But what the heck do I do when he asks me for money Bc he has nowhere to live and is on the street? I don't wanna wake up in the morning come to find out something bad happened Bc he had no where to go. What do you think?

He's an adult, and if he can find the time to lie, cheat and steal, he can find a way to survive. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but at this time your only loyalty lies with you and your child.

You give yourself too much credit. If he can't mooch off you, there'll be another sucker. It's not you or the gutter.

I think you need to sort out some councelling or therapy to work out why you let him sucker you over and over. And you need to see a lawyer to sort out child support. You're taking money from your child by not doing that, and taking money from your child every time you give your ex money.

Really? This guy is a cheat, abuser, lier, theif and alcoholic and you're worried about him!!!!

Why don't you worry about your baby, and steer clear of this loser, as he is not good for your child or you. Think about spending any extra money on therapy to understand why you stuck with this creep.

I would also look up co dependence.

Wow, he sounds like an absolute charmer & you had a child with him?

Dont give him any money. If you do he will just keep asking and you will be enabling him.

He isnt your responsibility. He is an adult & needs to take care of himself.

He needs to sort his sh*t out!

I agree with HeartGoesOn. This guy is a major loser in m ore ways than one, and if you keep giving him money when he asks for it, he will forever ask for money from you. DON'T do it. You will never be rid of him. He needs to get off his lazy a$$ and find a job and if he has one, he needs to learn to better manage his money. As it is, he is already sponging off anyone who will take him in. He's an adult and needs to learn to stand on his own two feet.

As Heart says: "right now your only loyalty lies with you and your child."

One of the best gifts you give your daughter is showing her how to set boundaries with people who try to take advantage of her. Set boundaries, int he future he could try to get money or shelter off of your daughter....show her that even though this man is her Father, she needs to set boundaries,

what will your custody agreement be? is he to play an active role in her life and pay child support? or will you be her sole provider and caretaker as before? the fact is, that you will effectively be the only provider and parent because he is factually unfit and unable to be either. so your only senseible choice would be for you to be her only custodian. yes? i'll take it up further from here if i am assured i've understood this part correctly.

Really? This guy is a cheat, abuser, lier, theif and alcoholic and you're worried about him!!!!

 

Why don't you worry about your baby, and steer clear of this loser, as he is not good for your child or you. Think about spending any extra money on therapy to understand why you stuck with this creep.

 

I would also look up co dependence.

Ok, your message came across ALITTLE harsh. I DO take care of my daughter I work 3 jobs just to support her and I have cut off the loser of a husband I chose . To all who wonder why I chose such a loser, it's because he turned out this way on his own and he was not like this when I first met him or even when I married him. It sucks that my daughter had to have such a crappy person as a dad but I don't and will never regret Having HER and I wouldn't have been able to have her if it wasn't for him. That's the only good thing that has come out of this.

Wow, he sounds like an absolute charmer & you had a child with him?

Dont give him any money. If you do he will just keep asking and you will be enabling him.

He isnt your responsibility. He is an adult & needs to take care of himself.

He needs to sort his sh*t out!

Like I said to someone else. No need to judge, he was not like that when I met him or married him, he became bad over the course of 6 years. I came here to get advice. Nice and inspirational feedback, not how bad of a mother you think I am Bc I picked a loser father when he used to not be like that at all. I already know he shouldn't and isn't my responsibility. I avoid him at all costs and screen 95% of his calls but I deal with his

Manipulating ways him trying to say I have an obligation to answer his calls Bc I have his daughter . When in reality I'm trying to keep her safe

Will you have to pay him alimony?

what will your custody agreement be? is he to play an active role in her life and pay child support? or will you be her sole provider and caretaker as before? the fact is, that you will effectively be the only provider and parent because he is factually unfit and unable to be either. so your only senseible choice would be for you to be her only custodian. yes? i'll take it up further from here if i am assured i've understood this part correctly.

He's already told me he's not even bothering to go to court . He tried to TELL me to tell the court that we have an agreement (which we don't) Bc he's also moving soon with his gf, and that he expects to have baby for a week or so at a time without supervision. Out of state... Hours away....And I was just thinking "you've got to be kidding me" so since it's not important enough for him to go to court and Bc I KNOW BETTER for my baby's sake, I am going for full parental rights and full custody.

what will your custody agreement be? is he to play an active role in her life and pay child support? or will you be her sole provider and caretaker as before? the fact is, that you will effectively be the only provider and parent because he is factually unfit and unable to be either. so your only senseible choice would be for you to be her only custodian. yes? i'll take it up further from here if i am assured i've understood this part correctly.

He's an adult, and if he can find the time to lie, cheat and steal, he can find a way to survive. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but at this time your only loyalty lies with you and your child.

Yes exactly my thoughts . Thanks for your kind response .

Ok, your message came across ALITTLE harsh. I DO take care of my daughter I work 3 jobs just to support her and I have cut off the loser of a husband I chose . To all who wonder why I chose such a loser, it's because he turned out this way on his own and he was not like this when I first met him or even when I married him. It sucks that my daughter had to have such a crappy person as a dad but I don't and will never regret Having HER and I wouldn't have been able to have her if it wasn't for him. That's the only good thing that has come out of this.

Yes. Your daughter is a blessing.

My question: why are you giving this loser a cent???

I agree with HeartGoesOn. This guy is a major loser in m ore ways than one, and if you keep giving him money when he asks for it, he will forever ask for money from you. DON'T do it. You will never be rid of him. He needs to get off his lazy a$$ and find a job and if he has one, he needs to learn to better manage his money. As it is, he is already sponging off anyone who will take him in. He's an adult and needs to learn to stand on his own two feet.

As Heart says: "right now your only loyalty lies with you and your child."

Oh trust me, I've already told him All this stuff before. He does find odd jobs and makes some money sometimes but then can never keep the jobs. My loyalty is with my daughter. That's why I avoid him and am done with him. I'm glad he's moving ... And no I did not give him the money. I ignored him .

Oh trust me, I've already told him All this stuff before. He does find odd jobs and makes some money sometimes but then can never keep the jobs. My loyalty is with my daughter. That's why I avoid him and am done with him. I'm glad he's moving ... And no I did not give him the money. I ignored him .

You're contradicting your post: " people ask why I still bother to talk to him or even care? Bc he's my daughters father. And I'll always have only that ounce of care and respect for him and I always will. But what the heck do I do when he asks me for money Bc he has nowhere to live and is on the street? I don't wanna wake up in the morning come to find out something bad happened Bc he had no where to go."

Yes. Your daughter is a blessing.

 

My question: why are you giving this loser a cent???

I'm not giving him anything. I did in the past yes. Have made mistakes. But If you've ever really loved someone , or had a first love . You know that's tough for something to go from good, to terribly bad like that. Some people have to learn certain things in life the hard way. Sadly for me , this was my lesson and all of the bad he did to me helped me To be able to cut ties and not love or want to be with him anymore whatsoever. Never again.

It matters not why he asks you. It matters only how you handle it.

You're contradicting your post: " people ask why I still bother to talk to him or even care? Bc he's my daughters father. And I'll always have only that ounce of care and respect for him and I always will. But what the heck do I do when he asks me for money Bc he has nowhere to live and is on the street? I don't wanna wake up in the morning come to find out something bad happened Bc he had no where to go."

If your talking about the part where I said why people ask why I talk to him. That is Bc I avoid and ignore him 99% of the time. On rare occasions I'll answer a call or text Bc he is asking how the baby is doing and wondering if she is ok.

I hope that you will not end up paying alimony.

Why haven't you filed for divorce? Is the abuse documented? He didn't work for six years?

I hope that you will not end up paying alimony.

 

Why haven't you filed for divorce? Is the abuse documented? He didn't work for six years?

That's the point I was trying to make. She will probably owe him money unless she gets a good lawyer to prove he doesn't deserve it (abuse/infidelity/etc). But depending on state laws, he may be owed half your value, including the house.

At this point I don't care about alimony . I am doing the legal separation at this time Bc it is cheaper and faster for it to be documented with the courts that we are atleast separated and have not been together for quite a while, then my next step will divorce. I did not quite have physical abuse, but emotional abuse. So I don't have proof for that .. If that's what your asking. And yes first few years I knew him he worked made his own money and everything . But 2 to 3 years ago that all went downhill and screwed everything up and then he would get odd little jobs but couldn't keep any of them and it just got worse from there.

I don't get why you don't care about alimony. You may have to pay him. So this whole thread becomes a moot point - him asking for $20 will turn in to a couple thousand (or whatever) every. single. month.

That's the point I was trying to make. She will probably owe him money unless she gets a good lawyer to prove he doesn't deserve it (abuse/infidelity/etc). But depending on state laws, he may be owed half your value, including the house.

I don't have a house. I'm renting. That's probably a really good thing that I don't have much, Bc then there's not much to take. I don't know why they'd take from me, when I'm the only one supporting the baby. Don't get me wrong I am gladly and willingly supporting her, but I need all that I make. And the court would just garnish it Bc he doesn't want to make a living for himself?

You're not understanding the point. What are you doing to protect your finances? It could come out a moot point (i.e. alimony balances out childcare) but I'm just pointing out the debts are not one way, you each owe each other money.