Why can't I stay away from this guy

I met a guy that I work with he previously had a partner that he had been with for 6 years who he had children with and had a 2 year affair with a women for 2 years. He said he had broke it off with both of them and we hung out as friends which it ended up being more I ended up really falling for him a couple of months in I found him in bed with the girl he had an affair with and ever since he has been back and forward from me to her and iv let this happen! It's been so out of character for me to let something like this happen and take him back time after time and believe his lies it's like it's a game to him! He is very emotionally abusive but then the kindest person and everything a women would want but it's all fake and I seem to believe it every time. If I cut all ties he will ring me off a unknown number nearly every hour of the day and leave me voicemails and he won't stop until I give in not only that I have to see him at work I don't know how to get myself out of this situation Iv lost so much respect off everyone around me everyone thinks I'm a fool for letting this happen. I think he's narcissistic

This is called "stalking" Diana.

"If I cut all ties he will ring me off a unknown number nearly every hour of the day and leave me voicemails and he won't stop until I give"

You say you can't get out of the situation. Then report him.....

Scary stuff You need to report this person if he won't leave you alone and there is no way of resolving it otherwise. Good luck X

Diana.

How did this individual manage to brainwash you up to such a point!

"I found him in bed with the girl he had an affair with and ever since he has been back and forward from me to her and iv let this happen!"

He sounds quite insane and it is important you get help for yourself.

Narcissistic. And whilst you haven't necessarily done yourself any favours by allowing him to keep turning up in your life, you obviously now realise that he is just a bit bonkers and you need to get away from this relationship. You need to get some support/assistance/whatever and take a step back from this individual. He is not a good person to be around - but I guess you know that already. Hugs X

He's very clever in making me feel guilty for his mistakes and it kills me to think he's going back to her!

Why, diana?

"it kills me to think he's going back to her!"

Why is he such a prize? A stalker, emotionally abusive, fake, made you lose your self-respect....

What is there to like here, D?

I / we seem to be saying this a lot lately on here ..... an abuser is master manipulator , it is a slow careful process and before you know it you are sat questioning who is right and who is wrong and what the hell you are doing .

Fortunately you have now recognised him for what he really is and seen through the nice ( that;s all part of the master plan , and when they are nice , damn they are nice ) .

If he leaves you a voice mail as soon as you hear his voice ..put it down , don't allow him into your head , I do understand that he can spend all day using unknown numbers , but that doesn't mean you have to listen to them .. but keep them just incase you need to get any kind of restraining order ( just thinking of the worst possible scenario) if he is approaching you at work then go to your next chain of command and get some action taken .

It is going to take some strength on your part , but he will get bored of this and move on .

He's very clever in making me feel guilty for his mistakes and it kills me to think he's going back to her!

all I can say to this darling ..with kindness ..is ..get over it !! do you think she is actually going to have a happy life . .

Why is he such a prize?

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Unfortunately he sounds like a player. You're right it is a game to him, that's why it's called "player". Everything is an act calculated to elicit a response. Google "dark triad".

Keep in mind he's not after you, he's after a conquest. Continue to block this jerk and don't answer unknown calls. Just go to work, tell people you broke it off and absolutely go no contact.

a couple of months in I found him in bed with the girl he had an affair with and it's a game to him! If I cut all ties he will ring me off a unknown number

Is it crazy to say I feel sorry for him and I want to help him iv ask him to see a concealer. I love the person who he can be and if he was like that all the time he would be the perfect person

Diana. Get some sense. He can't be real. The person who sometimes seems "nice" is fake, a false self. This man is ill. It is not your job to be his "fixer", therapist and less so his enabler. that is a job for a professional. and it isn't your job either to drive him into a therapist's office.

The stalker, manipulator, madman, that IS the real him.

Is it crazy to say I feel sorry for him and I want to help him iv ask him to see a concealer. I love the person who he can be and if he was like that all the time he would be the perfect person

That's all part of the master plan though, sweetpea. He's nice so as to reel you in long enough to keep you engaged then spits you back out when he's had enough of you. And repeat. And because he's nice to you in between times you keep hanging on, waiting for those times to come around again in between the not so nice times. His is a manipulative, abusive individual who takes pleasure only in seeing you run around after him.

I guess another way to look at it would be this..... what would you say if this was your best friend, your sister or your mother?? X

Is it crazy to say I feel sorry for him and I want to help him iv ask him to see a concealer. I love the person who he can be and if he was like that all the time he would be the perfect person

You CAN stay away from him, but this will never take place until you accept this for what it is, followed by closing that final door. I do understand your pain, but my guess is you'll remain on this dead end street until if/when you raise your value and standards. You're worth much more than what he has to offer, and hopefully you'll soon come to that conclusion.

I have to ask, what is a "concealer?"

Therapy. He takes anti-depressants

Unfortunately that is not a treatment for being a player.

He takes anti-depressants

I find it so hard to believe that someone can be like this. Does he actually feel love ? Does he like hurting me ? What goes though his head seriously ? I just don't understand him iv never met anyone like this before I just find it hard that he can kiss my head and tell me everything will be okay and the next hour start texting the other girl pleading for her to see him

Any of these ring a bell (No GIFs required, Wise !)

DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder include these features:

•Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance

•Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

•Exaggerating your achievements and talents

•Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

•Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people

•Requiring constant admiration

•Having a sense of entitlement

•Expecting special favours and unquestioning compliance with your expectations

•Taking advantage of others to get what you want

•Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

•Being envious of others and believing others envy you

•Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

It is NOT your job to understand this individual. With a nod to Wiseman, IMO this is not just a "player".

So to reply:

No he doesn't feel love. He can't.

Yes, he likes hurting you, or others. (it's a kind of coping mechanism).

Who cares what goes through his head. That is between him and the psychologist.

And yes, disbelief tends to be the salient reaction of those who had the misfortune to become enmeshed with this kind of individual.

Instead of asking these questions, look to yourself. Get help to find out why you would let yourself be treated this way. Please.

Is it crazy to say I feel sorry for him and I want to help him iv ask him to see a concealer. I love the person who he can be and if he was like that all the time he would be the perfect person

arghhhhhhh darling THIS IS WHAT THEY DO ....ok one of mine and I had 3 spanning 12 years , was so cruel to me he called me one night sobbing to tell me he was so sorry he went to see a priest to prey for forgiveness !!! wow what a gesture eh ....NO it's crap , manipulative crap .... next time anything happens darling ..it is on your head ...anyway its nearly time of x factor results so I will catch up with this later

Womanizers, players, Casanovas, seduction artists, etc. have been around for all time. This is your first encounter. No, he doesn't care about you, he cares about scoring.

I find it so hard to believe that someone can be like this.

You got it in one, Skelly.

Unstable, troubled, or as I once saw described as "in that twilight zone between sanity and its absence".

The ordinary "jerk" is just that a jerk. Doesn't stalk, manipulate and punish.

This kind of individual comes in a different category.

You got it in one, Skelly.

Unstable, troubled, or as I once saw described as "in that twilight zone between sanity and its absence".

 

The ordinary "jerk" is just that a jerk. Doesn't stalk, manipulate and punish.

 

This kind of individual comes in a different category.

And the more time I spend here the more I realise they're not so much of a rare breed as one might expect. Diana, you absolutely have to trust us on this one. Step away from this cretin and keep yourself safe X

Yes nearly every singal one