Did i really commit a faux pas or is this not really a big deal?

yesterday i was at an event with work, and i am kind of new, and i started with a bunch of other new people. we are all pretty much from out of town. new to the area. we all went through orientation together but for various reasons (my experience, and what division i was entering) i did not join the others in ALL the orientation things, (because i was not supposed to), and i am also a little older than them. So they seemed to have bonded very well and i really felt like i was on the outskirts. There was one orientation assignment where they completely forgot about me and they all partnered up and I was by myself. That was my first red flag about whether to work too hard on trying to be friends with these people. I am the type to always want to make sure people feel included and no one feels left out, so that particular thing bothered me.

but overall i just felt like i was chasing these people and getting really frustrated. I was starting to find them a little immature for my tastes (they like to go out til 3 am on the weekends and be hung over the next day. I am over that in my life. for example - one of the girls for example was booing someone else not in our group at the karaoke bar - i thought that was extremely rude and obnoxious. another girl who i was trying to be nice to and offered to drive one night, she was 30 minutes late and i had to go pick her up at her apartment instead of her coming to the agreed meeting location, i don't even think she said thank you). Anyways I felt like I was really going out of my way to try to fit in but it did not seem like these people either cared about me at all. I'll say hello to them at work, but for instance the booing girl will be like hey and that's it - they could care less about me it seems.

anyways, so that's the background, now for my social faux pas. I attended this thing last night and it was through work so work people were all there. I am not sure why but i blurted out how i am trying to hang out with people outside of work and make friends outside of work because i don't connect with the group and i felt like i am putting myself out there and i get ignored. she was like oh gee, no we like hanging out with you. I said, I don't mean it as a bad thing, just that I am way older than them and i don't really have the same interests.

anyways now I feel like i should NOT have said that. I didn't want to like put this girl on the spot. the thing is, i am better talking one-on-one with people anyways - if they show an interest (the issue with most of the people in the group is that they don't seem interested and it's like where they are always looking around for whoever else is around and as soon as someons interrupts they completely forget tey were talking to you and they go talk to someone else). the particular girl I was talking to seems very nice though and a good conversationalist/listener. I just don't want her to feel weird or like i put her on the spot. did i ? i suppose i said it to get it off my chest because i did feel socially rejected and i was feeling bad about myself i suppose. I was also annoyed because i had driven that other girl who made us late and wasn't all that friendly and didn't say thanks, so that might have been why i said it. anyways, how badly did i screw up?

No I don't think this is as big as you think it is ..you went on to say you thought it was because of your age . She may have felt awkward and surprised but it deosn't sound like you made a scene , bad mouthed anyone or caused an upset ..so just leave it be .

Personally ..I don't mix work life with pleasure and it sounds like you would be wise to do the same ...social life is the friends you already have , work life is those people , keep them separate . They are all younger , you said yourself you have passed the stage that they are at and it isn't going to change .

I don't think you screwed up - in fact, inadvertently, they helped to show you that your colleagues do like you and like to spend time with you. They're your work colleagues so of course it helps to get along with them, and maybe, every now and again, it might be that you all get together for work things, but other than that you don't have to spend time with them outside of your work place.

As for the being late thing? Yeah, it's annoying and maybe you could have a quiet word. It's a generation thing, especially in an age of texting Snipchatting and Hamstergramming - drives me insane! Leaving things to the last minute or seeing what happens and being late anyway - even though it doesn't make it right.

Just have fun and see how it goes. Getting on with these people will make things a whole lot easier for everyone. Good luck X

They are coworkers not personal friends. If they are too immature for you, don't socialize with them outside of work. Be friendly at work and that's all you need to do.

I don't think you screwed up - in fact, inadvertently, they helped to show you that your colleagues do like you and like to spend time with you. They're your work colleagues so of course it helps to get along with them, and maybe, every now and again, it might be that you all get together for work things, but other than that you don't have to spend time with them outside of your work place.

 

As for the being late thing? Yeah, it's annoying and maybe you could have a quiet word. It's a generation thing, especially in an age of texting Snipchatting and Hamstergramming - drives me insane! Leaving things to the last minute or seeing what happens and being late anyway - even though it doesn't make it right.

 

Just have fun and see how it goes. Getting on with these people will make things a whole lot easier for everyone. Good luck X

so yeah the thing is everyone from work does a LOT of stuff together. in fact there is a party tonight and i JUST found out about it at 6pm. I hadn't received the invitation. i was on the group chat and someone mentioned bringing something to "the party" . during the convo i asked a question that showed I didn't know about the party . the guy said, oh it's a halloween party you should come.

So i am not going to go because i have stuff to do...but had i KNOWN about it, i'd have rearranged my plans and made a point to show up. there was also a get-together this week that i did not know about until the last minute either.

so yea i am trying to find friends outside of work but it sucks to feel excluded or like an afterthought. the week-day thing, one coworker was nice enough to forward the invite to me, even though it was the last minute. she at least was thoughtful.. However this party tonight, i would not have been extended an invite if i hadn't asked, "gee, what party?" or whatever i said. i cannot help but feel some "FOMO" and like even when i am AT work, they all get together with their little friend groups and I feel like i'm all alone. yes i have "given up" on going out of my way to be friendly to them, but only because i felt i was doing my part and they weren't interested (in case you say, "well you said you didn't want to be friends with them..."). the only reason i don't want to be friends with them is because i already feel very socially rejected and INVISIBLE. i swear they will come by and i'll have to raise my voice and be like, "hello KAREN" or else they will act like i'm a lamp.

and i feel i would have a much easier time with dating if i had a richer social life.