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So, quick summary, broke up with ex gf about 2 months ago, she and I both made a lot of mistakes and decided that a breakup was just the best thing to do for each other's sake. We've been talking on and off, with this last week being the longest we've gone NC. We never decided to establish NC or anything but I just adopted it as per usual breakup protocol and to give myself time to re-center my perspectives.

 

Ironically yesterday I was going through a rough patch of missing her and didn't reach out...(but did post in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread) and then lo and behold I get the text from her. She texted last night about the local hockey game asking if I went (which was something we had talked about the last time we talked in person about 2 weeks ago) and had a small texting exchange.

 

She told me she didn't go, was having a drink with her dad instead, and in general seemed to be turned off by hockey since (I'm guessing) it reminds her of me too much right now. It was our thing to do together and we both were always super pumped about opening night. I ended up not going to the game either, however I told her it felt weird to consider going and not have her there with me. Even after we broke up we threw out the possibility of going to a game together at some point (probably was just wishful thinking).

 

Anyway, I could tell she was pretty somber in her tone of the text. She may have been drunk or she may have just been trying to see if I had gone. And even though I try not to read too much into digital communication (which is one of my big pet peeves, since its just a fancy collection of 1's and 0's on a small screen and doesn't carry the weight of a real-life conversation) I could still sense she was apprehensive about talking much further about the subject.

 

We stopped texting after that brief exchange which took all of about 15 minutes.

 

So that brings me to today, and I've been mulling over the thought of reaching out and talking to her just to see where she's at with things given how she seemed to be out of sorts and not her usual self when we do actually text. We both agreed after breakup to be there for each other if one or the other wanted to talk and keep things friendly, so its not a concept that would be out of the blue.

 

And as for the breaking NC part, this seems to be a pattern for us, where we don't talk for a few days and then usually she will reach out to me. On a few occasions I've reached out and today would be one that I'm considering.

 

I guess I'm also wondering if I even need to play this role anymore of the "considerate ex" just to see how she is or if I need to lay off and not turn it into a big deal. I don't exactly know how the conversation would go either if I did decide to reach out. I don't have anything amazing to tell her (Except for a band I'm going to go see tomorrow which was also our thing...so that would just probably anger/depress her even more) and I don't want to ask a question I don't want the answer to either if the conversation goes in that direction.

 

I made that mistake already asking about her new apartment search which turned into a revelation that she was hanging out with some old friends of hers that I had issues with (and that I thought she had issues with) and was both hurt and surprised she ran back to that group after all the drama she says they caused her in addition to some lifestyle choices that I think she's gravitating towards simply because she's lonely...(which I have no real right to say anything about anyway at this point since we aren't dating anymore...but still its something that irks me if I'm completely honest because I know that its just a group of people that only want to use her).

 

Anyway I'm not sure what the end game is for me by reaching out other than just being "nice" and being there for her if she's going down the depression rabbit hole. I want to be there for her and help her if she's going through something bad but I also think I'm putting too much energy into something where normally I reserve that for myself and trying to make my own progress (Which was highly stifled while we were dating).

 

Each time we talk I feel like things end on a positive note even though we both have acknowledged that we miss each other and love each other that it can get tough some days trying to forge forward.

 

I know the general response might be to just resume NC, however I think it would leave a bad taste in my mouth if I just went cold hard NC if she's still thinking that the lines of communication were still open (as we had originally agreed to do) and is going through a rough patch....

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If she absolutely truly wants to stay broken up but remain friends you do that at your own peril. If you have feelings for her you'll just remain stuck and not move forward without her. You'll just end up wasting time waiting for her instead of healing and getting over her...friendship is possible but not right away, it may take a year or more depending on length of relationship and how intertwined you two were in your daily lives.

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I agree that the friendship part might be too soon given how confused she seems. I know I've felt confused as well after the last time I saw her regarding how I felt about the situation. I know that trying to be friends after dating is really difficult and is generally to be avoided. I'm not going to pretend like I'm the exception to the rule, however I feel like out of the handful of ex's where I would even consider trying to approach a friendship, she would be the one that had the mental makeup to give it a shot.

 

And I agree as well that I'm probably not even the person she wants to talk to to "help" her through this. She's reached out to me before when things were tough for her and just wanted to talk. I've reached out to her as well when I was dealing with a tough family situation.. so I felt like there was a base established there where conversation could be equally between the both of us.

 

I guess I just don't like how our last text conversation ended and, as my nature, I want it to be fixed somehow rather than let it linger.

 

Maybe this isn't a situation where I need to do anything that I might feel is good for both parties (based on my own assumptions, which could be wrong), and rather I need to just let the dust settle?

 

I haven't reached out as of this moment and given that its a Friday night I'm doubting she wants to hear from me right now anyway.

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