Should I continue the relationship or not?

I'm a 29 year old new mom to a sweet 5 month old son. I'm still in a relationship with his father, but thus far he has left much to be desired in a spouse. We were only together for 3 months when I became pregnant. I was on birth control and had been for over a decade at the time, so it came as quite the surprise. At the time it occurred I was already having misgivings about a long term relationship with him, and had actually cheated on him on one occasion with an ex who I still had feelings for. He and I decided to try and make things work in part for the baby. However, as time went on I found out more and more about him that bothers me. He quit his job shortly after he found out about my infidelity. I didn't find out till later on that it was because of what I did that he quit. He figured "why try" at the time. From that point on, he has had one job that wasn't under the table that he only held for one month. I found out he can not have any physical property in his name due to him owing so much child support. I found out he doesn't have a high school diploma or ged back in November and has no intentions of changing that. His car broke down back in February, was not fixable, and has not replaced it since. I had to save up money on my own for my maternity leave so that I could spend around three months with my son after he was born. He claimed to have saved up around $300 at one point and that his grandmother whom he lives with put it in her bank account for safe keeping, and then told me she spent it shortly before my due date. I just can't believe she'd do that. A little over a month before I was due, he had a warrant issued for him for not paying his child support for his elder son. He had to pay $1200 or spend 45 days in jail. He just took care of it in the past month, and did not tell me he had done so until I brought up him not paying it yet. Then he told me. You would think he'd want to let me know as soon as he had done it knowing how much it bothered me, but he withheld telling me because I've been "absent". I have been busy taking care of our son on my own because he can't figure out a way to come out here to where I live, which is only roughly 8 miles from his grandmother's. He can, however, find rides to get to jobs where he works under the table because he won't find a steady job. It is MY fault he doesn't get to see the baby because I won't bring him over to their house more than once or twice every couple weeks. I just get so tired of having to do all the running myself. Plus I was working almost full time up until a couple weeks when I started classes which are full time and demand so much of my time I'm struggling to keep up with all the homework and take care of my son and do all the housework. I could use a hand, but I'm not letting him move in to be a full time baby sitter and have to support him and his habits as well. He wouldn't be able to work because I live out of town and he has no vehicle, and if he can't get someone to give him a ride out here now, why would he be able to get someone to come and pick him up here then....

These aren't all the issues I have going on either. He can be a sweet guy, but I just can't overlook all the other stuff too. I just don't know what to do, so I'm seeking advice.

He is a deadbeat evading child support by not working and hiding assets. A crime. Google him and do research to see if there is a warrant out for his arrest. Luckily he's not your spouse, just the baby daddy. Who do you live with?

It sounds like you barely know him and he has quite a sketchy past that he told you many lies about. He is still lying to you about everything to avoid giving you child support also. Do not believe a word he says.

Go to court and work out a child support and visitation schedule. Otherwise discontinue contact, block him and do not spend time with him. Drop this man before the cops are at your door.

I'm a 29 year old new mom to a sweet 5 month old son.We were only together for 3 months when I became pregnant.and had actually cheated on him on one occasion with an ex.I found out he can not have any physical property in his name due to him owing so much child support.

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This is what your post sounded like to me: "Hey guys, here's a laundry list of problems I have with this guy that got me pregnant. 1. He's terrible 2. He's awful 3. He sucks. Should I continue to be with him?" Just a list of his worst qualities basically, followed by "should I stay with him?"

I mean, really, he's already not paying child support for his other kid, has no goals, no job, no money. Good luck getting any child support from him for your kid. If you are looking for justification for wanting to break up with this loser, you've got it here. Doesn't sound as if your baby will benefit from having him around, seeing as he's already a deadbeat dad to at least one other child. You didn't even like him when you got pregnant by him and even cheated on him already. I don't see any way this relationship would work or turn out to be beneficial to you in any way.

Congratulations on the birth of your son Too bad is dad is a total deadbeat. I don't see the relationship going anywhere good, and it sounds like getting child support is going to be impossible. I'd end the relationship and focus on mothering and schooling right now. Tell him he's welcome to come visit you any time, but that you can't afford the time or money to be solely in charge of transportation for his visits.

You may want to contact a women's shelter and get some advice about your rights, as things could get ugly after you end the relationship.

I live on my own with my son, and I'm about to move to the next county over. Buying a house. My son's father is not moving with us. He is also not on the birth certificate. I'm not concerned about getting child support from him. I already know there is no point and it will just tie the baby to him. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't just imagining things were bad I guess.

I have told him he's welcome to come see our son any time as long as I'm home. He just can't seem to find his way out there unless I come get him first.

Excellent. Run from this bum.

I live on my own with my son, and I'm about to move to the next county over. Buying a house. My son's father is not moving with us. He is also not on the birth certificate.

He quit his job because you had an affair?

Thats the lamest excuse I have ever heard and all that you should need to know to walk away from this man. (I use that word loosely)

Of course he doesn't want a real job because they would take child support out of his check. He's such a deadbeat that he'd rather be unemployed then have to provide for his children.

Should you stay with him? Do you really have to ask??

I'm a 29 year old new mom to a sweet 5 month old son. I'm still in a relationship with his father, but thus far he has left much to be desired in a spouse. We were only together for 3 months when I became pregnant. I was on birth control and had been for over a decade at the time, so it came as quite the surprise. At the time it occurred I was already having misgivings about a long term relationship with him, and had actually cheated on him on one occasion with an ex who I still had feelings for. He and I decided to try and make things work in part for the baby. However, as time went on I found out more and more about him that bothers me. He quit his job shortly after he found out about my infidelity. I didn't find out till later on that it was because of what I did that he quit. He figured "why try" at the time. From that point on, he has had one job that wasn't under the table that he only held for one month. I found out he can not have any physical property in his name due to him owing so much child support. I found out he doesn't have a high school diploma or ged back in November and has no intentions of changing that. His car broke down back in February, was not fixable, and has not replaced it since. I had to save up money on my own for my maternity leave so that I could spend around three months with my son after he was born. He claimed to have saved up around $300 at one point and that his grandmother whom he lives with put it in her bank account for safe keeping, and then told me she spent it shortly before my due date. I just can't believe she'd do that. A little over a month before I was due, he had a warrant issued for him for not paying his child support for his elder son. He had to pay $1200 or spend 45 days in jail. He just took care of it in the past month, and did not tell me he had done so until I brought up him not paying it yet. Then he told me. You would think he'd want to let me know as soon as he had done it knowing how much it bothered me, but he withheld telling me because I've been "absent". I have been busy taking care of our son on my own because he can't figure out a way to come out here to where I live, which is only roughly 8 miles from his grandmother's. He can, however, find rides to get to jobs where he works under the table because he won't find a steady job. It is MY fault he doesn't get to see the baby because I won't bring him over to their house more than once or twice every couple weeks. I just get so tired of having to do all the running myself. Plus I was working almost full time up until a couple weeks when I started classes which are full time and demand so much of my time I'm struggling to keep up with all the homework and take care of my son and do all the housework. I could use a hand, but I'm not letting him move in to be a full time baby sitter and have to support him and his habits as well. He wouldn't be able to work because I live out of town and he has no vehicle, and if he can't get someone to give him a ride out here now, why would he be able to get someone to come and pick him up here then....

These aren't all the issues I have going on either. He can be a sweet guy, but I just can't overlook all the other stuff too. I just don't know what to do, so I'm seeking advice.

"Making things work for the baby" is a horrible idea and a horrible excuse. It will not make life better for your child to stay together if you aren't happy.

I wish my mom had divorced my dad when we were little and she started her affair. Then we may not have harbored so much resentment toward her or her now husband (who she had the affair with).

I would just not continue this relationship if I were you. If he wants time with the child, go to court and get it all in writing. Right now you have sole custody of that child as you are unmarried when you had the baby. Ultimately it's up to him to file for custody and/or visitation if he wants it. If you want support from him, you'll have to file. If you think it's not worth the time you can waive child support. I should have waived it for my daughter.

Right now you legally do not HAVE to bring that baby to him. If he wants time he can go to court, establish paternity and file for visitation. BUT then he needs to realize he will have a child support order for one more kid unless you waive it.