Is a very independent person better off single?

Right now I'm still pretty young, but I've been thinking about my future a lot as I now wrap up college. I have a strong attraction to girls, but at the same time, enjoy being alone. In high school I had a very small friend group, and ever since I've been in college I haven't hung out with anyone outside of school or work. I live at home still, but spend most my time alone, mostly working in my shop, working on my vehicles, working outside, or watching tv or listening to music. I'm not depressed, I actually really enjoy life this way although others don't understand.

I've been on the fence on whether I should just forget about girls all together, or if I should still be open for a relationship. I've never been in one, so I don't quite understand all the aspects. I know it will consume time, but considering I enjoy my time alone, I don't know whether it would make me unhappy.

Hi. I'm a lot like you. I love my alone time, I keep my circle of friends very small, I stay home most of the time, and periodically I can literally go days without talking to a single soul and be just fine (sometimes it's a breath of fresh air!). I neeeeeed my alone time, and I get drained very fast if I have to socialize too much or when I'm not in the mood.

Having said all that, I loved spending time with my ex in my last relationship. It was fun and fullfilling, not draining, and I never felt like I would rather be alone when I was with him. If you're with the right person, it just feels comfortable and right. You can still have your alone time, balanced with together time. Or you can be "alone together" - together in the same house, each doing your own thing, but acknowledge each other every now and then. Sounds like you're an introvert, like me, so you just have to find something that works. You might not be very happy with an overly social, bubbly, extroverted type person unless it's in small doses. But find someone quiet and laid back and understanding of your need for alone time, and you could be very happy

I dont think there's anything wrong or odd about you. You seem to know yourself, what you like to do, and you know how sociable you are or aren't, depending on how you look at it. As long as you dont close yourself off to the world and become a hermit, there's nothing to be concerned about. Often we find someone who we are attracted to when we least expect it and aren't looking for it. Keep doing what you are doing, you do sound like you know your own mind.

I agree mostly with lostlove76. I do enjoy my projects. If you find the right person though. It's fun to do what they enjoy too. Plus you might learn something. Or even find something you both like or at least can tolerate. Even though I do most stuff alone always have. I really miss having somone around. The best parts are that there there. Plus it's way better to have someone to sleep with. I miss that the most lately. I do mean sleep BTW lol.

Much like you, I've never been in a relationship and while I'm attracted to women, I spend most of my time either working on a project or with my male friends. Since you are a guy, I wouldn't put much stock in the saying that you'll find someone when you're not looking, that's not how it works for most men.

If you're happy as you are and enjoy your life, the last thing you need is to be pressured into a relationship by your peers or by the society.

Right now I'm still pretty young, but I've been thinking about my future a lot as I now wrap up college. I have a strong attraction to girls, but at the same time, enjoy being alone. In high school I had a very small friend group, and ever since I've been in college I haven't hung out with anyone outside of school or work. I live at home still, but spend most my time alone, mostly working in my shop, working on my vehicles, working outside, or watching tv or listening to music. I'm not depressed, I actually really enjoy life this way although others don't understand.

 

I've been on the fence on whether I should just forget about girls all together, or if I should still be open for a relationship. I've never been in one, so I don't quite understand all the aspects. I know it will consume time, but considering I enjoy my time alone, I don't know whether it would make me unhappy.

Don't bow to the "feel-like-I should" pressure. You seem quite content. Just ride it out and see where life takes you. I know a couple of single people who are perfectly happy as they are. Some people truly enjoy solitude.

Read up on introverts, it's about 25-30 % of the population. It's not shyness or being a loner, it's simply being more energized by individual pursuits than socializing.

You have close relationships and you can have that with a girls as well. As long as you find someone whose need for alone vs together time matches yours.

spend most my time alone, mostly working in my shop, working on my vehicles, working outside, or watching tv or listening to music.

I've been on the fence on whether I should just forget about girls all together, or if I should still be open for a relationship.I know it will consume time, but considering I enjoy my time alone, I don't know whether it would make me unhappy.

Hmm, good that you posted this thread, i am like that also, though I struggle from time to time with it, its good to know that there are others like that but feel ok with it.

That being said, I have a girlfriend and kids but I used to think a lot like you and when I did get into a relationship I struggled because I wanted to remain single and independent but over time I accepted that its better to have my own little family.

If I were you, I would continue with what makes you happy but remain open to the possibility of being with someone, it will happen in time. You can still have your independence and have the relationship at the same time, going at your pace. there is nothing better than being able to do your own thing plus have someone that understands you to share mutual interests with.

I'm a strong introvert and can go without contact forever, have more than enough interests to keep me busy for a lifetime and was married to an extrovert for 12 years. It was actually fine as we were respectful of each other's space. I have relationships but I don't have the tendency to look for them in me, I feel completely sufficient on my own. In my current relationship, I'm feeling the tendency to become a cuddly bunny at the ripe age of 40 and that he is a gamer helps I met him on the day I was swearing to a friend that I didn't want anyone in my life We are long distance now but I feel motivated to live with him if our relationship works. So I can say that life throws many things to our way and different people may inspire us to do different things during our course of life. We may have ideas and plans but I think flexibility and being open to new experiences is important to be able to experience life more fully. Still, if one wants to lead a completely solitary life, I don't see why they should comply with certain norms of society. However, I can say that, in my experience, the more one is content with their own life the harder it gets in time to tolerate social or personal bull from people.

In my life, I have experienced introversion or being single in more than one way. Sometimes it was a choice, but sometimes it was a defense or coping mechanism even though I felt quite OK on the surface. I also know that I was kind of emotionally unavailable although I didn't experience it with its very classical symptoms. So I reckon it's important to increase self-awareness and know why we are inclined to certain things.

Michael asks:

"Is a very independent person better off single?"

The answer is "no", not necessarily. And, of course, you are very very young!

As an ultra-independent person (which does not mean introverted) I love and enjoy both my alone time and my time socializing or in company of others.

Being able to be alone, enjoy being alone, contented, not "needing", as well as being at ease in company is IMO a sure sign of a well-adjusted person. Naturally enough, it is always a good idea to choose one's "company" wisely.