My boyfriend is acting jealous and I need advice. Should I leave?

I have spend a lot of time going through articles and I feel like my boyfriend is jealous and insecure. He does not yell or scream exactly but he does let me know with passive aggressive ways that he is uncomfortable with things. He does not like my friends, he knows when someone likes a photo on my social media, he has gone through my Facebook account before, he notices if my profile photo is not a photo of us, my first big business trip he begged me not to go and just quit my job, I can post the sweetest compliment about him on social media but it is not good enough because I didn't literally say "I love him" in the post. It is all very little things but it happens FREQUENTLY. I made a list of times it happens to prove I am not crazy. He found the list in my (home) office and wanted me to burn the list. He wrote out reasons he had for all of the small jealous outbursts. This past weekend we hit a breaking point.

My best friends boyfriend loved one of my photos on FB. And my boyfriend asked me why he did that. I told him he was being jealous. He demanded to see my phone to look through my facebook account saying "quit stalling, prove me wrong and shut me up!" It went against every bone in my body to show him. True, I have NOTHING to hide. I have given him no reason to do this and this is all unprompted by me. I told him I need space and wanted to leave because I didn't want to wake his daughter who is asleep in the next room. He tried to make me stay and even went as far as hopping in his car and driving off in order to manipulate me into staying with his daughter. I did leave because I know he did not go that far and I called him to let him know he needs to return home to be with his daughter. He then said "your &^% better be there when I get back, ect ect" and blamed me for leaving his daughter alone. This is the worst it has been yet. (We live together)

I did return the next day and we have talked every night this week until midnight. He is still under the impression that my best friends boyfriend might have a thing for me. Even though I did show him our conversation to prove him wrong. He thinks the reason we are fighting is because of how he talked to me rather than the issue that started it all. He agrees he is jealous. But thinks I am being a bully because I don't want him to tell me when he is upset when someone does something so harmless, such as liking a photo of social media. Ugh. I am so confused because he is really nice. He hasn't cussed me or called me names. But I still feel like he just doesn't get it. He really thinks that people should be able to go through each others phones and nothing is wrong with couples who have shared social media accounts. Maybe one day that is fine but I can't imagine doing that when he clearly doesn't trust me. I do see my friends once in a blue moon now, but it comes with the price of him giving me the cold shoulder or sighing or making me feel bad about going.

This is getting too long. I guess, I need advice. It's like he wants me 24/7 and I must live for nothing but him and his daughter and nothing else. I love them so much. But I don't see why I can't be able to still hold onto a piece of myself in a relationship too. We have been together for a year and a half.

You need to get out asap. You are with a controlling abuser. Hopefully you realize this possessive controlling behavior is not "love" but a prison.

Start googling "signs of controlling relationships", "mental/emotional abuse", "red flags for abusive relationships." "Cycles of abuse". Tell all your friends and family about these behaviors, get this out in the open.

You say "he hasn't cussed or called me names" almost as if you know or someone has told you he is abusive and you are defending him "because you love him do much"

Extricate yourself from this immediately. Tell him it's not working out then go no contact and block. If he shows up at your home or at work, call the cops. Sorry he won't change he will only get worse.

business trip he begged me not to go and just quit my job

He demanded to see my phone to look through my facebook account

hopping in his car and driving off in order to manipulate me into staying with his daughter.

He really thinks that people should be able to go through each others phones

I do see my friends once in a blue moon now, but it comes with the price of him giving me the cold shoulder or sighing or making me feel bad about going.

he wants me 24/7 and I must live for nothing but him and his daughter and nothing else.

Without a doubt, his behavior is completely unacceptable.

He may not curse or yell at you, but this is definitely emotional abuse. Are you not tired of him constantly accusing you of cheating when you have done nothing wrong?

His behavior will not change. Don't think by sticking around that all of his insecurities are just going to magically disappear.

Leave before he starts complaining about the clothing that you wear or how you look.

You do realize that while you can prove that you are cheating, you cannot prove that you aren't. He knows this and he has you locked in this never ending battle you can never win.

He is not nice, he is a controlling psycho still in the honeymoon stages, aka he is only now starting to yell at you but hasn't so far. However, he is actively isolating you from your friends and support group, he is invading your privacy, bullying you into giving him access and then, ironically, accusing you of being the bully, he has demanded that you quit your job, which would make you instantly helpless and completely dependent on him and his say so, which would mean you'd never leave the house without his permission.

Good grief, run girl, please run. Get your stuff and get the heck out of there. Couch surf with your friends until you can find a place for yourself. What you describe is a scary all too familiar pattern and if your gut is creaming at you that this is wrong, your gut is right. Listen to it and run run run. Get out while you still can.

I should also mention that he has not technically accused me of cheating. But he does NOT trust other guys and said he doesn't want to be disrespected by them. Hence why he justifies wanting to look through my things.

Secret.

And you will definitely not be getting a male personal trainer either at the gym.

I should also mention that he has not technically accused me of cheating. But he does NOT trust other guys and said he doesn't want to be disrespected by them. Hence why he justifies wanting to look through my things.

Please don't make excuses for him. This is just a manipulative, cloaked accusation. In a way that's even worse than if he was direct. However, slimy people like him don't even have the guts to be direct.

You are so right. Thanks for sharing Hermes.

He's abusive and controlling. Would you be able to move out? Because he is not going to get better.

I have spend a lot of time going through articles and I feel like my boyfriend is jealous and insecure. He does not yell or scream exactly but he does let me know with passive aggressive ways that he is uncomfortable with things. He does not like my friends, he knows when someone likes a photo on my social media, he has gone through my Facebook account before, he notices if my profile photo is not a photo of us, my first big business trip he begged me not to go and just quit my job, I can post the sweetest compliment about him on social media but it is not good enough because I didn't literally say "I love him" in the post..

I don't get how you managed to stick around for a year and a half, I know I could never live like this even for a week, never mind longer.

Yes, you need to leave this relationship asap, he has serious issues and it's not fair to you to have to alter your own life so you could cater to these issues.

Leave now. Thank god you're not bound legally. He's only going to get worse.

I suppose it is because I love our happy family times. And he only shows his butt when I want to do something outside of the family stuff. It feels wrong regardless. Thanks for the advice.

He's abusive and controlling. Would you be able to move out? Because he is not going to get better.

Yes agent. I am planning on moving this Monday while he is at work. I hate the confrontation that will come with it. And I have tried to talk to him about it. I just wanted to get some more feedback to make sure I am doing the right thing. Thank you for posting.

Yes agent. I am planning on moving this Monday while he is at work. I hate the confrontation that will come with it. And I have tried to talk to him about it. I just wanted to get some more feedback to make sure I am doing the right thing. Thank you for posting.

You are 100% doing the right thing. Sounds like you are expecting drama and are right to leave when he is not around. Be careful please and do not buy any of his bs about how he is sorry and how he will change. He will say ANYTHING to get you back under control so please please please stay strong and don't fall for the crazy cycle of control, abusiveness, tears and apologies, rinse and repeat. Leave and shut him out firmly and permanently.

I worked in a women's shelter/clinic for years. If I had a quarter for every time I heard, "He/She (yes we dealt with cases of abuse involving women hurting men, there was no one else to do it so we sort of became the de facto go to in certain circles for that) didn't start out hitting me or being violent. By the time they escalated it was too late and I thought it was all my fault anyways, that I shouldn't have pushed them so hard or should have somehow been able to get it to back to that time when they weren't violent." And just as many were told this.

So sure he's not openly abusive to you...yet. But it's coming, because he's already testing boundaries. Already putting the bug in your ear about not liking anyone around you. My prediction is sooner or later there will come a time where he escalates and/or ramps up the punishment to bring you to heal. And with each success he will become more and more open about his control and yes, his abuse. And yeah, there's quite possibly violence in there.

BUT there doesn't have to be. He actually never has to lay a finger on you to be controlling and abusive. Some are smart enough to realize slow-drip poison and "punishment" by way of the silent treatment and other manipulations works betters sometimes, and all too often people involved and those around them really fail to see those types. "But he never hit me, but he's never even shouted at you..." Yeah, I'd be a very rich woman indeed if I got paid for those excuses too.

Because at the end of the day you know this is all irrational behavior designed to control you and bring you to heel to do what only he wants. Does it really matter if he isn't hitting you if he's slowly cutting off all support and friendship and any life you might have outside of him? Does it really matter if your self-esteem and respect are slowly eroded away by low-grade poison drip-fed to you rather than ending up in the hospital in traction with the threat he'll do it again if you tell anyone?

Both types of abuse arrive at the same end - you lose your happiness and self-esteem, your self-respect and the world becomes a darker place with no end in sight until you somehow find a way out of the abusive relationship, whether by your hand or his.

Take my advice, run for the door now and don't look back if you don't want to stick around and see how much worse this can get, because my only answer is going to be he's just getting started. Things will escalate, they always do. This isn't someone a little bit insecure, this is someone exhibiting serious red flags while you're excusing them away.

But I think you know, a part of you anyways, that this isn't normal or good and I think you need to start listening to yourself for a change, the part of you deep down that's telling you what you need to do, what you should have done the first time he went through your phone.

P.S. I just saw you are planning to move out. Excellent, now please tell close friends or family and get out of there. Don't agree to meet up with him alone if he begs for it later, just get out, block and delete, move on. And don't look back. You'll never be sorry you did - from someone who once did exactly what you're doing now and whose only regret is she didn't do it sooner.

He does not like my friends, he knows when someone likes a photo on my social media, he has gone through my Facebook account before, he notices if my profile photo is not a photo of us, my first big business trip he begged me not to go and just quit my job, I can post the sweetest compliment about him on social media but it is not good enough because I didn't literally say "I love him" in the post.

That's a lot of crazy in one package.

Why are you with him?

He does not like my friends, he knows when someone likes a photo on my social media, he has gone through my Facebook account before, he notices if my profile photo is not a photo of us, my first big business trip he begged me not to go and just quit my job, I can post the sweetest compliment about him on social media but it is not good enough because I didn't literally say "I love him" in the post.

I know everyone's said this already but just to really drive it home, this guy is controlling. At this point, you are his property that he controls and abuses for his benefit. This behavior is absolutely unacceptable! I'm glad to hear you're leaving Monday, I hope you stick to it.

Be prepared.

He is going to bombard you with tears, flowers, pretty promises, declarations of undying love, maybe even a ring and a proposal. He will try guilt, he might even say he's going to kill himself if you don't come back. He may use his daughter as bait (AGAIN). He may have her call you to make you feel guilty for leaving. He may threaten you, then follow it up with tears and self-pity. Trust me...he will use EVERY tactic he can think of. Because he wants you back, not out of sincere love but because abusers don't have the easiest time finding a woman who will accept their abuse. If he has to start over with someone new he'll have to act NICE for a while to get her hooked, and abusers HATE acting nice. They only act nice if they sense their victim is pulling away. Then they go right back to being controlling abusers.

Best thing to do after you move out is to change your number and block him from all means of contact. OR, if he calls have your father, brother or a trusted male friend answer your phone and ask him what he wants. Abusers are cowards who are afraid of other men, so he'd probably back off.

Good for you for leaving. This will NOT get better, only worse.

This is embarrassing for me to admit, But some things you mentioned was how I was in my previous relationship. I'm getting help now its the best thing I've ever done I was never threatening or anything like that. She wasn't perfect either by a long shot One occasion my partner grabbed me by the throat (on accident) she just meant to grab my shoulders as I was having an anxiety attack it scared the crap out of me and I reacted by grabbing her back and instantly releasing as I released what I had done. It was that moment I realised something was wrong with me, I'll never live that moment down I'm so ashamed with myself as that's not how I was raised. I refused to admit I was jealous I was insecure but I knew I was. I knew she wasn't a cheater I knew she was loyal she was my first love and I was terrified of losing her because at times I felt not good enough. But that's not her fault.

As times went on we would argue more, I would get better but then I would get worse because I would overthink situations that happened to me in my past. Again this wasn't her fault.

What i'm saying is you can't blame yourself it doesn't seem like you are, But if you need to leave. Leave. My ex did and honestly I'm heart broken but I did it to myself. You deserve better!

I wasn't to the extent of this post, I could live without her but I'd miss her of course. I would always motivate her when she was nervous for new jobs etc, I would get a bit jealous when shirtless guys showed up on her fb news feed but now I see that she didn't control what shows up. She did test my trust though by lying about prior drug use which the drug use didn't bother me it was the fact I found out she didn't tell me after she promised. So that played on my mind a lot. But it doesn't seem like you've done anything to test his trust.

He is being manipulative, abusive and controlling. Please get out, you deserve so much better!

I hope the OP followed through with moving out.