How do you feel about....

A 20 year old woman dating a 33 year old man?

you also just posted this

My boyfriend is a bit older than me and he lives in New Zealand, we're getting really close to our 1 year anniversary but he's really bossy and protective when it comes to me going out with my friends or drinking too much alcohol when I'm out. I've already told him about it and he has gotten a bit better but he still goes overboard whenever I do anything.

so maybe if you post the full story , something is causing you to re think this . Have you ever met ?

Yes we have. In May and then he's coming in December but I'm just wondering if his bossiness is because of the age gap. Or if he's always going to be like this.

I think you are getting an insight into things to come and that is when the age difference matters . At 20 you want to be doing your thing , getting drunk , going out , partying , at 33 some people calm right down and life changes . At 20 I was pissing it up , joining the army , living my life fast , at 32 I was pregnant and settling down to a completely different life style . I don't get a good vibe about any of it if you want the truth , his bossiness is who he is regardless of the age gap .

Okay, thank you for your honesty. If you were in my position what would you do?

Okay, thank you for your honesty. If you were in my position what would you do?

Well , it really is not for me to tell you to let him go , that kinda makes me feel bad ...but looking at the evidence so to speak , the age difference does indeed appear to be a noticeable difference , you are at different places in life , you are not comfortable with his personality ie the bossiness and I do think that is very telling about what he will be like and to top it off it is an LDR which are hard anyway . in all it will be 7 months between Mays visit and the upcoming visit and that must be hard work .. I couldn't keep up the momentum . It would be easier going out with someone round your own age , who wants to do the same stuff and lives nearby .

Thank you. That helped a lot.

Thank you. That helped a lot.

ok you're very welcome , best wishes x

I've been in an age gap relationship before just like yours, that's not really the issue. Your issue is that he lives in another country, and these things rarely work. Personally, if I were you at your age I'd knock it on the head and go partying with your friends. You're only twenty once.

I think the context of the gap does make a difference. That's not to say it spells out inevitable doom in every circumstance, but where someone is between 20 and 33 is generally much, much more significant than where they'll be from 33 and 46. You're the fairly typical barely-adult out there enjoying herself and getting a bit loose. He's long been there and done that.

I always scrutinize the older individual a bit more in cases like these as dating someone so young means being OK with the fact they're going to change and that they should have the freedom to make that happen and to make mistakes along the way. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find settled adults who will take both the physical youth with the emotional / mental youth. They'd typically rather control / tame the latter.

As someone who just turned 30, I wouldn't date a 20-year old woman, at least not seriously. I think of how much I changed from 20 to 24, much less 30.

I had a relationship with a 33 year old man when I was 18. I also spent a few years dating someone who was older than my own dad. He was not bossy and I wouldn't have tolerated that s__t from him.

You need to expect the same of every man, regardless of age. To be treated well, kindly, and with respect. Not bossed around like a child. Just because a man is older than you in a relationship doesn't give him the license to boss you around like he's an authority figure. That is unhealthy and not good.

No that's a personality trait, not an age thing. How long have you been dating?

A 20 year old woman dating a 33 year old man?

"A 20 year old woman dating a 33 year old man?"

Leona the age gap IMO is not the issue here. The issue is (you say) that he is bossy. A person can be bossy at any age: 15. 20, 25, 30...

What does this mean, as in "anything"?

"but he still goes overboard whenever I do anything".

From what cultural background is he?

@Hermes He's Irish and Scottish.

Of Scots/Irish descent and in New Zealand. Correct? I take it you are not in New Zealand.

I still say the age difference has nothing to do with it. I suppose he is just plain bossy by nature, and if he throws a wobbly whenever you try to do anything, (anything?), well perhaps this does not bode well for a relationship.