She said she wanted to be friends but she also said that she loves me....

Hello everyone,

I'm in kind of a weird position. Two years ago I met a girl during holiday, because we were in a group with more people I saw her everyday and night. We fell in love with eachother in those two weeks. Back home we tried to see eachother as much as possible. The problem is that she lives 140km away from me. Also we both had very busy schedules so it eventually kinda bleeded off. We didn't talk or meet for about a year at that time. Last summer however, we went to exactly the same place again on holidy at the same time. The whole thing repeated again and we fell in love even more during that holiday. Right when we both got back home we hung out a lot, since it was still holiday.

I said to her that I would everything in my power to not lose again, how hard that may get. Untill we can be together more and without too much hassle.

I'm already studying and I have work but she doesn't. After highschool she decided to take a year off to work. (That was this year). She got bored though and wanted to find a study. We talked about it and she really wanted to do a study that was closer to me and live in a dorm room. But it was too late for applications. So now she's taking a yearlong course but that's still where she lives.

On top of all that her homesituations isn't the greatest. Her parents are divorced and she and her mom aren't best friends. She's seeing a psychiatrist for that now. She says that she doesn't want to be here since I got the "perfect family", my parents aren't divorced etc... Because of all this she says that she wants to get her life together first. I talked to her about it and I completely understand it and if that would've been the only reason I would leave her alone how hard it would be for because I still love her alot. The weird thing is that between all this she kept saying that she loves me too and I know that she was sincere.

It's been a week now since I last saw her and got to know all of the details about this. I really wanted to help her through all this but she rejected it and again said "that she doesn't want to be here since I got the "perfect family"". When we said goodbye she was the first one to say I love you. I'm so confused.

I don't know what to do with my emotions. There always there. I can't focus on my job I cry myself to sleep almost every night, I feel numb like I don't wanna do anything, I only listen to sad music. Because I miss her so much and because I love her so much and because I don't know if she'll ever want me back. I have a lot of distractions in my life, I work a lot, school, soccer, and other sorts of hobbies. But no matter what I do she's always there in my mind. Then the thought of me and her being together like it used to be makes me so sad, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be alone. Also when I see other couples together and things like that trigger my sad feelings so easily. And I'm so confused because she says she wants to get her life together without me but then she also says that she loves me.

She stopped texting me and when I text her she replies so irritated and indifferent, like she doesn't wanna talk to me at all.

I want to get this straight but I don't know how, I don't know where to start or what to do. Please help me out I'm desperate. Please don't tell me I should let time and distractions help me get over this because I know it will not work. If I don't do anything I'll lose her. Again it's only been a week since I last saw her so I might still have a chance. If for starters I can at leat make her talk to me again, that would already be great!

I really need some (proffesional) help with this, please.

I want to thank you in advance for reading my 'story',

I hope to hear from you guys soon.

Greetings,

Please focus on your studies. It was a fun vacation romance, but now you are back to real life and your lives are on very different paths. I would leave her alone.

When we said goodbye she was the first one to say I love you. I'm so confused.

It's possible to love someone and yet not want to be in a relationship with them.

And I'm so confused because she says she wants to get her life together without me but then she also says that she loves me.

Think of "I love you" as just another way of saying, "I don't want to hurt you, but this is what I need right now."

She stopped texting me and when I text her she replies so irritated and indifferent, like she doesn't wanna talk to me at all.

So why do you keep texting her?

Please don't tell me I should let time and distractions help me get over this because I know it will not work.

Okay, so keep focusing all of your energy on her, listen to sad music, and die of a broken heart. Sounds like a good plan to me.

If I don't do anything I'll lose her.

You've already lost her, and if there was ever a possibility of her coming back you are destroying it by refusing to give her the space she has asked for. Every time you text her, the respect and love she feels for you diminishes.

Again it's only been a week since I last saw her so I might still have a chance.

I'm all for optimism, but few things are more painful than misplaced hope.

If for starters I can at leat make her talk to me again, that would already be great!

You can't "make" her do anything.

I really need some (proffesional) help with this, please.

If you want professional help, see a therapist. That's not the purpose of this forum.

This breakup is still fresh (and that's exactly what it is, a breakup), and all of the things you are feeling are expected at this stage. Your best option is to go no contact so you can start healing. She has been very clear about not wanting to be in a relationship with you. As much as it hurts, you need to listen to what she is saying. It may seem like if you just do or say the right thing, she'll come running back. But this isn't about you; it's about her and her emotional state. Continuing to pursue her will just lead to more frustration and pain. Let her go and learn to be okay on your own.

Love is a drug, and when it ends you go through withdrawals. You're not yourself right now, and you're not thinking clearly. When you dry out a bit, you'll see that there is life without her.

She doesn't want you to fix her. She wanted a friend. Don't contact her unless she contacts you and stop bringing up all her problems, she has a psychiatrist for that.

She's seeing a psychiatrist for that now. I really wanted to help her through all this but she rejected it. She stopped texting me and when I text her she replies so irritated and indifferent, like she doesn't wanna talk to me at all.