Do you believe in old-fashioned romance...?

I'm constantly being told I am part of a dying breed... that people don't believe in old-fashioned romance anymore, like the single red rose, hand holding, soppy kind of romance. I get the feeling people just don't want that anymore, my mum always says she has no idea where I get it from... as she 'isn't one for all that soppy stuff...' and my biological father's idea of romance was just to hit her a little less harder, and throw her around a little less. She tells me to 'never change though, there aren't many like you left in the world anymore...' - it hurts though, because it never seems to be enough, and I'm starting to believe that romance as a concept is truly dying.

So I ask this, how many people here believe in hearts-and-flowers romance...? or am I truly part of a dying breed... I feel so out of place in a world obsessed with money and things.

No, I don't believe you are a dying breed .

Does your mom still live in this abusive relationship ?

No, she divorced him when I was 2, and is married to a man who is to all intents and purposes my dad, he is a father to me in everything but blood and has been since I was 8 years old.

Is their relationship good?

I do think you see less and less stuff like hand holding. My brother NEVER holds his wife's hand, while our parents always did and still do. I'm a big hand holder. Even while I'm driving, I always do it with my SO. With my ex I did all that stuff - the hand holding, cuddling, roses, I'd even leave a post-it note on her car window when I'd leave for work every single morning (for as long as she had post-its, at least, lol) with a new message or short poem or whatever. I really enjoy making whoever I'm dating feel like they're thought of. All that romantic stuff isn't beneath me lol.

My husband and I still hold hands . Everyone around us can see that yes we still do love each other .

Victoria, yeah they've been married 24 years... solid as a rock, very rarely argue either.

Seymore, I love that... thats exactly what I mean...

Victoria, yeah they've been married 24 years... solid as a rock, very rarely argue either.

 

Seymore, I love that... thats exactly what I mean...

 

Then I don't know why she sees you as a dying breed .

I'm rather pragmatic about the nuts and bolts of a relationship. Yet I love the soppy stuff too. I can't even be hipster about it - I love it genuinely.

This thread already has made me feel warm and fuzzy - Seymours cute gestures to let her know he was thinking of her, Victoria and her husband holding hands during a long marriage that has stood through thick and thin.

Romance to me is one of those nice extras that make life so much better when you can find the right person to share it with.

She isn't the only one who says it.

My dad isn't that way either, it's a mystery to them how I'm as romantic as I am.

I'd personally toughen up a little, people have to be deserving of that sort of treatment these days.

Oldromance.

What I think is dying is plain, ordinary consideration and a bit of courtesy, and thoughtfulness. I have an ingrained dislike of the word"romance". Of course people still hold hands, and they give flowers, and other little gifts. And I sincerely hope it is done out of love (not "romance", which is merely a chemical high).

and:

Romantic love might be the most pervasive myth of Western culture.

Romance is a cultural invention, not a natural phenomenon.

We have been so deeply indoctrinated into the romantic mythology

that we have no awareness of the process of emotional programming

that created our romantic responses.

Popular culture provides the main ways we learn how to 'fall in love'.

Movies, television, popular songs, novels, & magazines

all train our feelings into the wonderful delusion of romance.

Our romantic games would be harmless if everyone knew

that romantic love is a fantasy feeling.

From:

itsallgrand, I know... I love hearing things like that, its all about the little things...

Yes OR: It is about the little gestures, the kindnesses, the "thinking of the other". and that isn't "romance".

Maybe chivalry, consideration, empathy, with a huge helping of soppiness thrown in could describe it better...?

Yes, I think so, OR.

"This romantic myth is often created and maintained in the way new lovers talk to each other. Their tone of voice, choices of words, and self-sacrificing timing ensures that each partner will feel like the center of the other’s universe, a symbolic beloved child deserving of continuous and unquestioned care. As time passes, and the fantasy world of new love yields to the challenges of real life’s demands, could it be that the partners expect those indulgent expressions of love to continue and think that love is gone when they don’t?"

"It’s not difficult to identify these seductive and over-promising romantic phrases. The words that inhabit them literally cover every romantic greeting card, popular song of enduring love, and poems written by lovers for their devotees. They often include words like “forever,” “always,” “ever-lasting,” and “never,” as if the feelings of the moment will automatically persist intact into the future. As intimate partners utter them to each other, each is willingly seduced that unconditional love and acceptance will be guaranteed forever."

In particular, read these

"The Five Categories of Phrases that Feed Mythical Romance"

Hermes, it's interesting that article used the word 'seduced' a lot. That's exactly what I think romance is - it's a long form of seduction. To be aware of that, would you still object to it in that sense? If people are not living as zombies under a daze of a myth?!

My father taught me early about breakfast. One thing he could do very well is make magnificent breakfasts. When I was older, he told me why ( to send women off the day after on a high note). He warned me of how a romantic man is not necessarily a man who loves you - but really, common sense tells a person that, right?!

We see on these boards men and women who fall for an illusion of a person even when it's 'FWB' - maybe one of the least romantic terms ever.

I think it's just human nature... To enjoy being seduced. There will always be those more likely and willing to fall for an illusion and what they want to believe.

Okay seriously, old romantic,can i give you my number???

Lol don't stop being that way, there are women who love that stuff and women who hate that stuff but I think this world could use some old fashioned chivalry, manners, politeness and respect for one another!

Yes, Sara!!

"old fashioned chivalry, manners, politeness and respect for one another!"

Me myself, I would not want to be in relationship where my girlfriend is not so romatnic, I think hand holding, cuddling, roses, and so on are must in relationship, atleast for me

OP if you were truly so alone in the world, then Hallmark would have gone out of business eons ago.

No, romance as such is not dead, however, not everyone is alike and all people have varying degrees and ideas of what is and isn't romantic. Also, people are all different too - some are more into sappy romantic gestures than others. If we were all alike, life would really be dull.

Anyway, it sounds like your parents are mutually not romantic type people who are a good match for each other. You need to find a girl who appreciates you and matches you in the sappy romantic department.

As for you striking out often....timing is everything. You may be putting it on too heavy too soon and coming across as disingenuous instead of romantic.

Okay seriously, old romantic,can i give you my number???

Lol don't stop being that way, there are women who love that stuff and women who hate that stuff but I think this world could use some old fashioned chivalry, manners, politeness and respect for one another!

exactly this ...

I love romance and I LOVE being in love. Nothing too over the top, just the subtle things. My SO and I always hold hands.... tell each other we love one another every single day, never argue (the odd few "words" now and again) and there are times when I just want to hold him forever. We never do Valentines day, because we don't need to. God, I'm such a sap!

Different eras. Men put in more effort largely because women were prizes to be "won." For every ounce of sweetness that's behind chivalry and efforted romance, there's a dash of something we're glad not to have in 2016.

Now that's not saying all old couples consist of a misogynist and a damsel in distress. Underlying cultural attitudes led to these things just being what's expected, so people had the excuse of being a product of their era regardless of how big they believed in the acts.

Nowadays, with equality comes with a different mindset of equal effort and contribution. Occasional novelty aside, the gestures are by and large lost on the newer generations. We're much more focused on pragmaticism and building than we are on romance. And whereas before, they were just things you did, nowadays I'd have to think about the motive of a young person putting in exceptional effort to court a woman or what reason he might have that requires he do so to come out ahead.

I love romance too, snuggles, hand holding, locking eyes, gentle touches on the shoulder... give me a man who does this and I will never wilt.

My ex husband always brought the groceries in from the car for me, took my bags, opened doors... (chivalry). I hardly get this anymore with men I've dated, when I asked "Why" to a couple of my single male friends, they said it was because woman's lib, a lot of ladies don't like it... pffft, I love being treated like a lady... I have taught my boys chivalry, I think it's endearing and personally makes me feel special