Looking for advise

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. There are a few things that I am just not to sure about, because I have not experienced them. From what he has told me, he does not bounce from relationship to relationship. He has long relationships with women, but these women are all addicts. I have not seen any of this with him. After his last relationship, he was living with her and she started dating someone else. She thought that they decided to just be friends. He went to their house, took the mattress outside and cut it up. If I startle him, he raises his fist. I don't think he can help this, it is his natural reaction. Outside of this, he is very loving and attentive. Should I be running? Thanks for your advise

You need to talk to him. 6 months is no time at all. If he's raising his fists to you there is a reason for that - it's called a "learnt behaviour". Not suggesting he'd hit you, but you don't know. You need to find out what his expectations are and if you're serious about being together then maybe he needs some support regarding previous encounters/exes. You haven't given too much else away, but I would just say that for now you need to talk X

It matters he obviously acts out (cutting up the mattress.) I thought about stuff like that but never acted on it. The whole raising the fists. How is it done? Like a honeymooners thing or is he angry? If he's mad and you are afraid you might have to make a decision. Good luck

It matters he obviously acts out (cutting up the mattress.) I thought about stuff like that but never acted on it. The whole raising the fists. How is it done? Like a honeymooners thing or is he angry? If he's mad and you are afraid you might have to make a decision. Good luck

He has raised his fist when i'v startled him. Like when I walked up behind him, and he didn't know I was there. He has done this three times. I talked to him about the mattress thing, and told him I wanted to quit seeing him because it made me uncomfortable. I told him that I cannot have this in my world, and I have worked to hard for the things that I have. He said he was young, like late 20s and was so hurt. He said that is not who he is, and he hasn't done anything like that again. In general, he is a high strung individual. He seems to have a lot of energy for a 48 year old man.

Those would be red flags for me, the cutting up of the mattress and the fist raising. He may need some counselling to learn how to get past such actions. You need to be careful for your own sake. If this continues then you may well need to leave.

I think you actually need to listen to your gut and walk away from this one. Your gut is reacting not only to the incident with the mattress but his overall demeanor. It sounds like you know deep down that this person could be dangerous and when your gut is talking, you really really need to pay attention and walk. Even rationally, his relationship history, his behavior - it's not healthy. As the old saying goes, he has issues...big ones.

Why on earth is he even telling you about what he has done to someone over a break up if that is not him and he is truly a different person now? If he was, he wouldn't share that info because it's just a distant blip on the radar long ago done and put out of his system as opposed to on his mind and raw. Usually, when someone is telling you things like that, the intent is to scare you, to intimidate, to warn you that stuff like that can be done to you too so you better not misbehave with him. It's truly a look at what I am capable of and be warned type thing. If you stick around after the warning, you are accepting the consequences regardless of saying anything to the contrary. Actions trump words. If you mean it that you have no room in your life for that, then really mean it and walk away from this guy. If you stay, I think you are in for a rough ride that won't end well for you and please don't try to be the one who will fix him. Only he can fix himself. He needs therapy not a relationship and if hasn't figured that out by now, you can rest assured you aren't going to change him now.

What does "raises his fist" mean? Is it like a "One of these days, Alice" thing? Or like a guard?

I'd be more concerned about the whole mattress thing. I'd worry he'd pull some vindictive **** like that if he ever suspected you slighted him .

Yes, the faster the better. He's an abuser and most likely drug user. Why are you with this guy?

Should I be running?

He has raised his fist when i'v startled him. Like when I walked up behind him, and he didn't know I was there. He has done this three times. I talked to him about the mattress thing, and told him I wanted to quit seeing him because it made me uncomfortable. I told him that I cannot have this in my world, and I have worked to hard for the things that I have. He said he was young, like late 20s and was so hurt. He said that is not who he is, and he hasn't done anything like that again. In general, he is a high strung individual. He seems to have a lot of energy for a 48 year old man.

Like a guard

What does "raises his fist" mean? Is it like a "One of these days, Alice" thing? Or like a guard?

 

I'd be more concerned about the whole mattress thing. I'd worry he'd pull some vindictive **** like that if he ever suspected you slighted him .

I agree with j.man here. The raising of his fist seems like nothing, a natural reaction as you said. But cutting up a mattress? I mean, the girl did him wrong but this is vengeful and vindictive. I'd be worried about any big arguments you might have in the future. 6 months is not long enough I'm sure you guys haven't had a raging argument yet, but couples always do at some point. Hope you don't give him a key to your house or let him move in and then break up lol your mattress and pillows might be gutted

I say follow your gut as well.

He choices in addicts as partners is a reflection of him as well.

Healthy well adjusted people don't choose addicts (over & over) for partners