How to Remain Friendly / Not Push Him Away Further

My ex and I have broken up 4 times in the span of 1.5 year. Each time we would have LC for about 3 weeks before getting back together. The third breakup was back in July. By Aug, we started seeing each other again, but it was mainly physical. He didn't know what he wanted, I suggested we give it another try and he agreed. But instead of taking it slow, I rushed the relationship so he broke up with me again after 2 weeks (4th breakup) saying how he doesn't feel the spark anymore.

Anyway, in an attempt to pick myself up, I've been going on a few dates. One guy and I really hit it off, and after 5 dates together, so we decided to be exclusively a few days ago. I reached out to my ex yesterday to see how he was doing. After a brief but pleasant phone call, it seems like he was taking care of himself.

Today, I reached out again, asking if we could be friends--I don't have a lot of friends in this city and he was my best friend. He didn't respond for a while even though he had seen the text. I got impatient and texted him again, saying that I'm in a relationship and am not trying to get back together. He read the text but continued to ignore me. So I called a couple of times. He finally called back and told me I have 10 minutes. I apologized for being insensitive toward his feelings by mentioning my new relationship. I asked if he could tell me what his thoughts are. He didn't say anything and just kept on breathing heavily into the phone for a long time. Then he told me it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels anymore and hung up.

I don't know what I should do now. I feel like I've hurt him. Since he was dumper, I thought he would've moved on quicker than me. Oh, and before anyone asks, my current boyfriend knows about ex but he has shown no concerns so far. A part of me worries that I'm using this new person as a rebound and that I'm still not completely over my ex.

Why are you posting in the Getting Back Together forum?

Regardless, leave your ex alone. The friendship ended when the relationship did. In the meantime, work just as hard on making new friends as you did looking for a new boyfriend.

Can you be friends in the future? Who knows. But not any time soon.

Of course you are using the new guy as a rebound, how is this even a question? Had you truly moved on, calling your ex repeatedly wouldn't have even crossed your mind. You are using the new guy to 1. help you forget about your ex (unsuccessfully) and 2. make your ex jealous in hopes he'd realize he's losing you and want you back. I don't have to tell you that what you're doing is not fair to this new guy, in fact it's very hurtful and you should be really careful about playing with someone's feelings like this. Would you like this to be done to you?

You don't want to be friends with your ex, let's be very honest about this. You want him to want you back, I don't know why since he already dumped you and then used you for sex. If you want to chase him, it's your prerogative and you are the one to suffer the consequences, but do not involve innocent people in your drama because it is not nice or fair to them. If you don't have the right type of feelings for your current "boyfriend" (and clearly you don't, or you wouldn't blow your ex's phone with messages and calls), let him go and what you do afterwards is up to you - you can either put yourself on hold for your ex, or smarten up, block the ex, stay single until you're over him and only then start dating other guys.

PS your relationship with your ex wasn't working anyway, 4 breakups in less than 16 months is way too much for a relationship to be healthy, so it's safe to say that relationship was doomed from the start.

Oh yes. Totally agree the new guy is a total rebound. If he wasn't around, you would be blowing up your ex's phone.

I think YOU are moving on way too fast!

" I reached out to my ex yesterday to see how he was doing."...Why do you keep reaching out to your Ex.. if you've 'moved on'??

No, you can't expect a 'friendship', until you know those ;feelings' are gone. You've crossed that like of just friends...

This is interesting. You want friends as in friendzone (which he doesn't want, obviously) and he wanted FWB, with more emphasis on the benefits and less on friends.

It's time to go no contact, you are undermining your healing, moving on and dating process. It's nonsense to be dating some guy "exclusively" and still hanging on to your ex.

I've been going on a few dates. One guy and I really hit it off, and after 5 dates together, so we decided to be exclusively a few days ago. I reached out to my ex yesterday to see how he was doing. insensitive toward his feelings by mentioning my new relationship.

He was my first serious boyfriend, so I'm a little inexperienced here (we're 22 and 23).

One of my friends told me that I should only be friends with him again when I'm dating someone new (in order to not get back together). I guess I am moving too fast. I didn't think he would have such a negative reaction to me being in a relationship as he was the one who told me to go on dates when we were in the FWB phase.

Aside from the 4 break ups during a year and a half, you're not over your ex otherwise you wouldn't be messaging him at every opportunity to "see how he is". You know how he is - he wants you as a FWB and nothing more. You, however, seem to want him back. You're on the rebound and unless you go NC with your ex and block everything to do with him, this new "relationship" isn't going to go far at all and eventually he will get hacked off and leave - which is probably a good idea anyway until you get yourself sorted. You're playing a very selfish game.

Exactly, you don't need his negativity coming at you. Continued contact with him will mess with your mind and undermine your new dating ventures. It's time for no contact.

You should be working on this new "exclusive" guy becoming your "best friend". Tell the exbf, it's best to go your separate ways and go no contact. Then focus on your future, not the past.

I didn't think he would have such a negative reaction to me being in a relationship as he was the one who told me to go on dates when we were in the FWB phase.

Thanks all for your advice. I will try no contact.

I felt hurt yesterday because he'd told me before that I'm also his best friend. That's why I didn't think he would act so passive aggressively.

. I didn't think he would have such a negative reaction to me being in a relationship as he was the one who told me to go on dates when we were in the FWB phase.

Just don't make the mistake of believing that his negative reaction to you being in a relationship has anything to do with feelings or him wanting you back. In fact, I'm sure he already figured out you're not into the new guy, since you're constantly trying to get in touch with him, and that your "relationship" is just a rebound. It's all about his ego - he thought he had you right where he wanted you when you accepted the demotion from girlfriend to FWB, and his ego was deflated by the fact that you even considered looking at another guy when you had the option to stick around and wait for him to grace you with his sexual favors. That's all. He isn't sad you're in a relationship, he is sad he could potentially lose an easy sex arrangement with no strings attached. Which is why you would be best ending any and all contact with him, because a guy who already dumped you 5 times within a year and a half, and then downgraded you to FWB isn't worth keeping around.