Whats going on here?

So I met this guy online. We liked each other right away, I feel like it was very intense for both of us and he seemed nervous. I was a little but I can normally can myself pretty well, specially after a couple of glasses of wine haha. We had so much fun, we laughed and had some interesting conversations, the guy is well read and traveled, funny, deep a bit shorter than I normally like but hey, he is charming. We kissed goodbye, Passion passion in the air! Next morning, I find a text saying how much fun he had and wanted to see me again soon. We saw each other that same day again. We had more fun than the first time, the chemistry is just ridiculous. We held hands, kissed... He invited me to his apartment but I thought it was too soon so... I kissed him good bye and left.

After that day we have been texting each other everyday but I didn't see him as he was busy and I had to travel. I left on my trip for 9 days, HE stopped texting, not sure why, in all fairness he was always the one texting first in the am and I was just responding to his texts. So day 1 on my trip no text from him, day 2 no text, day 3 no text and all the way to day 7 no text (nope I didn't text either as I believe the man has to court the woman, I know i sound like a grandma but ....).

Anyway, I thought he met someone else or lost interest, I got pissed off but I sucked it up and continued my life. HOWEVER, Day 8 the man texted. brief / cold asking about my trip. I was surprised but I was still kind of pissed off so I texted a couple days later... Honestly didn't want to reply at all but after a couple of days I realized he was still in my mind, so I replied same way brief and cold. He responded a couple days later haha asking me to have drinks with him at 6pm same day... wth? I mean seriously? I would never go out with a guy who ask me out last minute. Nope.

Whats going on here? Thoughts?

I think you're rigid and you've made it so that he's not interested in trying to climb over that wall you have up. Any reason why you're afraid to have him pursue you? You must be afraid if you'd frame this so that its his fault that things haven't progressed.

Personally, after one date if he kept texting me when I was on vacation I'd be annoyed that he wasn't respecting the fact that I was away and not in date mode.

Its 2016. It's not considered as 'being too forward' to initiate a text.

I will say, good for you for not going back to his house that soon.

Even though there was a lull in the activity because of trips, etc. this is just starting out, so have another date and see how it goes.

Interestingly you did when "passion was in the air"

I would never go out with a guy who ask me out last minute. Nope.

Ha... good point WM2... she did go out with him when he asked her out the next day... on the same day he asked her.

He didn't want to bother you on your trip, and waited until the 8th day when he knew it was winding down. He's a winner! You should go out with him…even if it was last minute. The spark is still there and saying no could kill it where he might not ask again.

And yes, good for you for not going back to his house. And don't go to his house on the third date either. Proud of you!

Damn you have a lot of rules. Good luck with that...

We kissed goodbye, Passion passion in the air! Next morning, I find a text saying how much fun he had and wanted to see me again soon.

We saw each other that same day again.

 

He responded a couple days later haha asking me to have drinks with him at 6pm same day... wth? I mean seriously?

I would never go out with a guy who ask me out last minute. Nope.

These two statements contradict. What gives?

I understand everyone has their own view point on dating, but what's the big deal with having a spontaneous date?

Not everything has to be planned beforehand.

A guy shouldn't have to put forth all of the effort. If you want to talk to him then text him and see how he's doing.

Maybe he thinks that he is being annoying with the constant contact and is waiting for you to say something.

It just seems a bit standoffish. I would lighten up and take the initiative next time.

There had been a lapse of nearly two weeks since they'd last seen each other, plus a over a week of silence while she was away…and then he asks her for a same-day date.

I can see where she's coming from. I might have done the same thing too, but this would be an exception. He's eager to see her, and accepting invitation mirrors his enthusiasm. i think I would have said yes.

Love all your answers! Deep inside, I like him a lot and that terrifies me!!! Hey, don't crucify me, Im only human, thats why I appreciate all your answers

Love all your answers! Deep inside, I like him a lot and that terrifies me!!! Hey, don't crucify me, Im only human, thats why I appreciate all your answers

I could see that in your opening post

So: What's happened since you turned him down for those same day drinks?

Love all your answers! Deep inside, I like him a lot and that terrifies me!!! Hey, don't crucify me, Im only human, thats why I appreciate all your answers

Yeah I get that but HE may be just as terrified. We all get terrified sometimes!

But seriously, how do you think HE felt when after HE had been the one to contact you day in and day out for DAYS, not only did you not once initiate contact with him, when he finally did contact you, you didn't even respond for a couple of days... and when you did finally respond, it was brief and cold!

He still asked to see you again though, but because it was last minute, you turned him down, even though you had accepted a last minute date prior to that.

Not to sound harsh, but maybe you should explain to us what's going on here.

You expecting him to jump through hoops or something, to prove how interested he is? I don't get it.

If so please stop that, it's not fair.

Have we all become so self-centered that we don't care to consider how the other person may be feeling and interpreting our behavior?

We are in such a me, me, me society now, my feelings, my fear, my this, my that.... it's not right.

THANK YOU KATRINA! I was thinking the exact same thing. It seemed to me that he always had to be the one to initiate the text messages... I mean if you were bothered by him not texting him for a whole week, you could've just initiate a small text saying "Hey! Just wanted to say hi and hope your day is going good!" Idk something small and sweet, nothing too clingy or overbearing.

I'm also quite old-fashioned when it comes to dating; but sometimes men get tired of having to make all the effort when they feel like the other girl isn't showing too much of interest back. I mean hellooooo dating is a two-way street!

Interestingly I was in a similar situation. I met this guy online, went on two dates and exchanged one or two text daily in between. I traveled out of the country for Labor Day no text from him but he did text after I got back. Last week we both traveled and again no text beside getting back to one of my pressing question. I got a little cold feet but texted him this week and said we should meet, he picked up the hint and proposed time and place for our date tomorrow. I guess men like space hence they think giving women space is what we want?

So I met this guy online. We liked each other right away, I feel like it was very intense for both of us and he seemed nervous. I was a little but I can normally can myself pretty well, specially after a couple of glasses of wine haha. We had so much fun, we laughed and had some interesting conversations, the guy is well read and traveled, funny, deep a bit shorter than I normally like but hey, he is charming. We kissed goodbye, Passion passion in the air! Next morning, I find a text saying how much fun he had and wanted to see me again soon. We saw each other that same day again. We had more fun than the first time, the chemistry is just ridiculous. We held hands, kissed... He invited me to his apartment but I thought it was too soon so... I kissed him good bye and left.

 

After that day we have been texting each other everyday but I didn't see him as he was busy and I had to travel. I left on my trip for 9 days, HE stopped texting, not sure why, in all fairness he was always the one texting first in the am and I was just responding to his texts. So day 1 on my trip no text from him, day 2 no text, day 3 no text and all the way to day 7 no text (nope I didn't text either as I believe the man has to court the woman, I know i sound like a grandma but ....).

 

Anyway, I thought he met someone else or lost interest, I got pissed off but I sucked it up and continued my life. HOWEVER, Day 8 the man texted. brief / cold asking about my trip. I was surprised but I was still kind of pissed off so I texted a couple days later... Honestly didn't want to reply at all but after a couple of days I realized he was still in my mind, so I replied same way brief and cold. He responded a couple days later haha asking me to have drinks with him at 6pm same day... wth? I mean seriously? I would never go out with a guy who ask me out last minute. Nope.

 

Whats going on here? Thoughts?

What's going on, is that you play a lot of games. The poor guy probably got fed up with always initiating. Stop being such a princess, and be more reciprocal.

I am in a similar situation too. I had a first date that was probably the best I'd ever gone on in my entire dating career. It lasted over eight hours with tons of chemistry/laughing and we shut down three restaurants. We couldn't find anywhere to hang out so we took off our shoes, put my hair in a ponytail, sat in his car, talking and playing cards. Both of us were yawning but didn't want the date to end. At the end when he tried to kiss me, I turned my head and he kissed my cheek. The next morning he texted me he's never been on a date like that or laughed that hard. We texted all week, even sent naughty texts. Then he left for a week-long vacation. I didn't hear from him one time. He's been back for a few days now and still silent. I refuse to reach out and I won't initiate. I think it's safe to say he forgot about me.

So see, cupcake, this is why I am telling you to accept his offer!!!! He didn't forget like my guy did. You're lucky he remembered and reached out...

But seriously, how do you think HE felt when after HE had been the one to contact you day in and day out for DAYS, not only did you not once initiate contact with him, when he finally did contact you, you didn't even respond for a couple of days... and when you did finally respond, it was brief and cold!

Nothing says "I'm not interested" like the above behavior.

I didn't hear from him one time. He's been back for a few days now and still silent. I refuse to reach out and I won't initiate.

Another potential wonderful relationship possibly dying because of stupid pride.

When we like someone, it is best to make ourselves known. Then let the chips fall where they may.

The men who liked us until we made ourselves known is not someone we want anyhow. The men who did not like us won't respond and we will be clear about it. The men who like us too will know we like them and be grateful we reached out.

Nothing lost, 3/3 situations.

Something gained, 2/3 situations.

It's a win.

. I guess men like space hence they think giving women space is what we want?

 

But how are we supposed to know the difference between "not interested" and "giving her space"?

The old school teachings about a man has to court a woman are misused in modern life. I was raised the same way, and it's a hindrance. Here are some things to consider.

When men were expected to court in such a one sided fashion, there were other ways a woman or her family might invite continued attention. Her family might initiate a family visit, for example.

If you insist on making a man always initiate, then what sort of man are you attracting to you? One who ignores your signals? One who ignores your boundaries? One who has no self respect and is willing to chase you even as you take no responsibility for maintaining a connection? How is the other person supposed to know when to stop communicating, if you set a standard that he should ignore your behavior?

I am so glad I started this post guys, your answers have gave me such a great inside, another perspective. I needed to hear all your opinions to become a better person and attract a better guy, and for that I also need to change the way I approach things. The fear of rejection is so big in me, I should overcome that fear. Thanks again.

Naomi, call that guy.

But how are we supposed to know the difference between "not interested" and "giving her space"?

I had that same question few days ago

Okay ladies, let's be honest here. We ALL are worried about being hurt or played, okay? But if you want someone, you let them know by reciprocating or messaging them back, or what the heck, message first, we are human beings here. You don't need to act all desperate and text ten times in a row, or be sitting around all day pleading for a text to come in, but give these men a break. If you like them, tell them...what have you got to lose? Playing hard to get only makes things awkward and sad. There are times where you shouldn't overthink things to the point of killing it all and just say yeah, I like you, can we get together soon? And then let the chips fall where they may. He might be the right one or he might not be, but life is too short for this on off and analysing and making him chase or it's not good enough. Just tell the man already that you like him and want to see him. Making things complicated is time wasting when it could turn out to be great or then you will find out it's not great and you can move on. Not difficult is it?

You are absolutely right, and thats what I did, I Texted him, told him I wanted to hang out, although he agreed on seeing me, he still sounds cold-ish, I am still going to see him and see how it goes.

so we are getting together again.

It feel so much better this way, just to be myself and express what I feel, what I really want to do. I am terrified yes, but I also need to live my life and experiment, at least try. Whether he is the one or nor, I am still going to try...

It feels so good to have you all to support me and tell me what I am doing wrong. Thank you