Did you ever get over your first love? Post your stories!

Hello, I've been feeling kind of down lately because I always hear people saying that you never get over your first love, or you'll always compare them to future partners and that scares me. I want to move on from my first love...we just recently broke up and I'm afraid I won't find anyone better than him. I'm still young, only eighteen years old but I can't help but worry that I'll never find someone else...I have a tough time moving on from people. So have any of you gotten over your first love? Or do they still haunt you?

A lot of nonsense, Silently.

"I always hear people saying that you never get over your first love, or you'll always compare them to future partners and that scares me"

I can't remember my "first love" but then at 18 I didn't have too many loves. Far too busy living life heh heh.

Yep. He was emotionally and then finally physically abusive at which point it dawned on me I didn't have to put up with that crap regardless of what anyone or anything said I should and booked it out of there. He stalked me across three states and I had him arrested before finally getting family involved to get him to leave me alone.

I couldn't pick him out of a police lineup today probably to save my life. I feel indifference really, but he did do me a favor. He taught me everything about the kind of partner I don't deserve and never wanted.

I'm way over my first love. I dated him frm age 15-18 and over the years I realized that he's not even attractive and I just started to slowly grow out of him over time. Would never go back. I'm 23 now and him and I are still friends. That's all we'll ever be though.

Everyone feels that way at first. you should get experience with people so who you know is a good fit. The next guy you date will make you look back and smile but nothing more.

we just recently broke up and I'm afraid I won't find anyone better than him.

My first love died recently. He was completely smashed coming out of a bar, fell and cracked his head. He was known as the town drunk.

I'm not being callous here, but it all sincerity, things DO happen for a reason (not his death, but our break up). It's a good thing I walked and a good example of how you should really let go and walk when you need to.

And I dated him when I was 16-18. And we lost our virginity to each other, so I can relate. But yes, you are young, you WILL think fondly of the memories but you WILL get over him. Everything just seems so raw and real right now and you need time and distance to get there.

Yes but it wasn't love what he gave to me I was 20 and naive to think things would get better with his emotional and verbal abuse. I'm so glad that I'm out of that relationship.

It is rare people stay with their first loves.

I'm on my third love in my 34 years of being here.

Also if the relationship didn't work out there is somebody better so there really would be no reason to compare.

Lisa

Yeah you will get over your first love, that's a silly thing people who can't say.

I got over mine and everything's fine and dandy. Also, comparing anyone to anyone is a useless waste of time. One guy may not love you the same way as your "first love" did, but whose to say his way of loving isn't better? It will be different, but different does not always mean bad. If you let your first love "haunt" you, you will have a miserable life, but it might make for some good poetry.

I think it's because when it's your first love you have no guards up. You're open and trusting and don't know what it feels like to have a broken heart. I also think it's totally dependant on what your relationship was like and who you are as a person. I am highly sensitive , emotional and romantic to boot. I had a few boyfriends before the one who deeply impacted me. We ended badly without a lot of closure. I was haunted by him for years but I got over him. It was more like it took a long time to get over the rejection if that makes sense. I ran into him a couple of years ago and I didn't even recognize him at first but he knew me. He actually flirted with me and I was like " what did I ever see in this guy ". But it felt like the closure I never got and reliezed I am 100% over him . I think it's the way some people romanticize past relationships and in reality they are just people and you went separate ways for a reason.

Yes, you get over it. Take it from someone who had all kinds of turmoil and issues after first break up.

I am certainly over him. . but I'll never forget him.

I think it's the way some people romanticize past relationships and in reality they are just people and you went separate ways for a reason.

Pretty much. Getting dumped inhibits several defense mechanisms. But you also kind of subconsciously make the dumper this larger than life figure and put them on a pedestal. All because they have "control". How many people get dumped and say "Hm, alright, fine", and go about their day?

It's hard, in that instance, to be relational and recognize that the relationship was not working. It takes two.

Of course. Being 18, though, you most likely won't believe it until it happens. It's something time will convince you of, not us.

Yes, I am so over him. I dated him when I was 16-18. Wanted to marry him, thought he was the best guy I'd ever find, etc. Now I realize he is boring and not at all my type. In fact he still lives at home even though he has a good job and has not seriously dated anyone since our high school relationship (we're both 30 now!).

He dumped me, broke my heart so he could sleep with a bunch of girls in college. Now he is still hung up on me. Lol!

I had to block him recently because he kept saying he was going to move to California buy a house so we could have 6 kids. I don't even want to have kids at all and I'm in a serious relationship. He kept pushing it so I blocked him, it was so pathetic but very satisfying to my inner 18 year old. Haha.

Any way the first love is definitely not the best. It only gets better from here.

I dated my first love from 14 - 18. I was mad about him at the time. We have a very passionate relationship and he was my first everything. We broke up so many times I can't count, but I always went back because I was convinced I couldn't live without him. Well I'm 26 now, and I would not go back to him if you paid me to. He's not a bad guy, just not for me. I have no romantic feelings for him whatsoever, but if I saw him on the street I'd say hi. My feelings towards him are best described as 'indifferent'. So that stuff about never getting over your first love... total bull.

I married my first love. He was my high school sweetheart, and we began dating right after my 16th birthday. We got engaged at 18 and married two months after we graduated. We were married for six years and parted at 23. The divorce was my choice, as I felt we'd grown up and into different people who were headed in different directions.

Am I over him? Yes. Have I forgotten him? No. Will I ever love someone like I did him? No. But that has nothing to do with him being my first love.

As you grow older and experience more relationships, you'll realize something: you never love anyone the exact same way you loved someone else. Every person is unique. And every relationship you experience will have something unique about it, something that makes that love special and unlike any other.

You'll never love anyone quite the way you loved him. But that doesn't mean your new love(s) will be any less passionate or strong. Don't try and compare; that serves no purpose.

You will get over him. Give yourself some time.

Absolutely.

We were together for 3 years all through University. When she broke up with me some six months after graduating, I had very little money and no job. Devastated. However, it was the spur for me to go travelling, enjoyed the best year of my life travelling around New Zealand, and have pretty much been travelling and/or living abroad ever since (12 years).

She poked me on facebook about four years afterwards, and we exchanged pleasantries, and I had absolutely no feelings for her whatsoever, which would have been unthinkable to me in the 3-6 months after she broke my heart.

Yes.

No.

Haven't wished we were together. Can not look him in the eye without feeling like I am violating his marriage. It's been more than 30 years, but the intimacy has never left. I would marry him now in a hot nanosecond. I wasn't ready for his kindness till... now. His wife is fab. Wouldn't wish them hardship for anything. So, yes, over it for decades. Could we be friends. No way. I would not cede my intimacy to her, it's impossible. I say How are you and I feel I've overstepped my bounds. We know each other like few ever do. Even with 30 years of silence.

One other man like that. Did not get over him until after my marriage ended. Maybe it was 20 years. Thought I was over him, of course. Dreamt about when married, on occasion. Eventually, that went away. The test came when he invited me to call, catch up. Couldn't do it. For him, yes, but it took decades. The man who brought me here, in many ways, was my rebound from this love. The dating and marriage that happened in between was me trying to have what people seemed to have. Nothing compared, ever. Until the guy who brought me here. Over it, now. That was one very very very special rl. I was a mess. Pity.

... both of these failed because I had deep abandonment issues... in that sense, they were not the perfect match, because I couldn't be a perfect match.

I've had two "loves of my life".

Am I with either of them? No.

Do I still love either of them? No.

I have to laugh now at my insistence that I would NEVER get over each of them and how I would NEVER stop loving them and how I would NEVER love anyone like that again. Totally untrue.

I've had two "loves of my life".

 

Am I with either of them? No.

 

Do I still love either of them? No.

 

I have to laugh now at my insistence that I would NEVER get over each of them and how I would NEVER stop loving them and how I would NEVER love anyone like that again. Totally untrue.

Agree.

Whoever I love next is going to get a better deal than anyone previously.

My mom is long over her first love ( my dad). Will she forget him ? No. Hard to forget the father of your children .

I genuinely thought at 18 that I could not live without my first love, and that I would always love him even through the lying, cheating, emotional abuse.. less than a year later and I am completely over him, realize he is a douche lord and would NEVER go back also realized how naive and dumb I was for thinking I would never find someone better

Yeah most definitely you do...

I didn't get into the dating game until I was 27... waaaay old where I'm from, but due to extreme low self-esteem I never could muster the courage to ask anyone out. My first love came completely by chance, at that age I was very much attracted to the rebellious, loud type... I lived a reasonably quiet life and I guess I craved a little action and excitement. I was actually trying to get with her friend, who was a long-term friend of mine, and was in an abusive relationship... as time went on it became obvious that my pursuit was futile, so I retreated into the friendzone once again and just did my best to be there when needed, as I always was.

During one of our meetings in town, she brought a friend along... but at this time I was so wrapped up trying to 'rescue' my friend, that I never for a second realised that the girl she brought along that day would change my life forever. After retreating into the friendzone, licking my wounds and feeling a little deflated, I got a text completely out of the blue from the girl she'd brought along... I resisted for a while, not wanting to make any kneejerk decisions... but she was so persistent I eventually caved in and met her.

Oh man, we hit it off immediately... there was an age differential... she was 19, I was 27, but we just clicked right from the off. Cutting a long story short, I lost my virginity to her, she ticked every box for me, she completely changed my character and made me the outgoing, confident guy I'd wanted to be for so long. We did things I'm not proud of by any means, but would never change... at last I wasn't just existing, I was alive. At times we'd go out and be so messed up I have no idea how we made it home... but afterwards the pictures would appear on Facebook and we knew the fun was worth the immense comedown the day after. Again, I'm not proud of any of it... but I have no regrets.

We were so in love, everybody could see it... we barely let go of each other, we'd look at each other, and all of our insecurities just stopped existing... nodody else mattered. We went out and got tattoos, we went to parties, we even miscarried a baby together... during the course of our relationship there wasnt much we didnt experience, the highs and lows. I went as far as to propose from the stage of my favourite rock club infront of hundreds of people... thats the person she'd brought out... she was a game changer.

Needless to say it didn't last forever... the 'monkey branching' had started, unbeknownst to me... and I was dumped 3 days after Christmas.

It took a lot of getting over... it was by no means a quick process, but I eventually got there. We all do, even though it seems impossible in the beginning... and you never do know who's waiting to love you again... you just need to allow them to.