Can't take this anymore

It's been 8 days since my break up and I cannot take this pain anymore. I'm sitting inside my body feeling so many negative emotions and all I want to do is run away from myself. I have lost 10 pounds in a little over a week! I have no desire to hangout! When I am out it shows that I'd rather be in bed dying a slow painful death.

Sometimes I honestly wish I was dead. I would never even attempt it because I know I'm not in the right state of mind but I don't know how much longer this feeling will last. I keep asking myself why me?! I know there's people out there that are actually dying and I should be grateful to even be alive and healthy (honestly haven't went to the doctor in a while so idk how healthy I actually am but let's assume im ok) but I'm in such a dark place! Im so frustrated with myself!

Why can't I just accept the break up and move the f*** on! Why am I like this?! My ex is probably sitting there dandy as hell while I'm on my couch sitting in silence thinking about what I could've done differently. Why wasn't I enough? Why didn't he want to work on things with me anymore? What could I have done to make him want me the same way I wanted him?

I don't know what to do anymore. Time is the answer but this break up has put me into deep depression. I seriously can't live like this anymore. I just want to be ok and I'm not.

What are you doing to cope with the feelings?

It's easy to say that you are not okay if you are just choosing to stay home and obsess about the break up.

Have you tried doing something nice for yourself? getting your nails done? seeing a friend? going shopping?

Of course you are going to feel worthless if you aren't taking all of the negative energy and turning into something productive to occupy your time with.

Break ups are hard, but you can't let the guilt consume you.

It ended for a reason and throughout the post break up process, you'll realize that the break up was for the best and the image that you created about your ex is not true to what type of person he really is.

Most of the people on here have been where you are in some form. I know I have. Only time seems to help. Not every day is great but not everyday is the worse either. Try to do things that take your mind off of it.

It's been 8 days since my break up and I cannot take this pain anymore. I'm sitting inside my body feeling so many negative emotions and all I want to do is run away from myself. I have lost 10 pounds in a little over a week! I have no desire to hangout! When I am out it shows that I'd rather be in bed dying a slow painful death.

 

Sometimes I honestly wish I was dead. I would never even attempt it because I know I'm not in the right state of mind but I don't know how much longer this feeling will last. I keep asking myself why me?! I know there's people out there that are actually dying and I should be grateful to even be alive and healthy (honestly haven't went to the doctor in a while so idk how healthy I actually am but let's assume im ok) but I'm in such a dark place! Im so frustrated with myself!

 

Why can't I just accept the break up and move the f*** on! Why am I like this?! My ex is probably sitting there dandy as hell while I'm on my couch sitting in silence thinking about what I could've done differently. Why wasn't I enough? Why didn't he want to work on things with me anymore? What could I have done to make him want me the same way I wanted him?

 

I don't know what to do anymore. Time is the answer but this break up has put me into deep depression. I seriously can't live like this anymore. I just want to be ok and I'm not.

Who cares how your ex is feeling? Don't dwell on that person.

Go out and do something. Whether it's take a walk alone or with a friend. Go shopping. Talk to a friend. The more you isolate yourself, the more you can obsess and the worse it will get.

You will get past this. It is not the end of the world even if it feels like it and no one is worth ending your life over.

It does take time depending on how long you had the relationship and all that. I had every reason to divorce my ex husband but it was hard and I had doubts about it immediately after I filed. But I had to be strong for our daughter and I realized after time it was the right thing to do.

You have to be proactive in taking care of yourself and not reactive.

I have been going out here and there but there's some days where I can't go out because I work all day. I text friends a lot and today I'm going to the mall with this guy I used to talk to a while back. When I am out I have no interest in being out. It's like I'm more comfortable being home and talking to friends from a distance.

At different times of the day I feel different emotions. One minute I'm looking forward to trying new things and living the single life, most other times I'm remembering how great it was to be with him and how I'd do anything to get him back.

I'm taking up soccer next week and I'm gonna try going to the gym with friends. That's my progress as far as hobbies go.

I have been going out here and there but there's some days where I can't go out because I work all day. I text friends a lot and today I'm going to the mall with this guy I used to talk to a while back. When I am out I have no interest in being out. It's like I'm more comfortable being home and talking to friends from a distance.

 

At different times of the day I feel different emotions. One minute I'm looking forward to trying new things and living the single life, most other times I'm remembering how great it was to be with him and how I'd do anything to get him back.

 

I'm taking up soccer next week and I'm gonna try going to the gym with friends. That's my progress as far as hobbies go.

That's understandable to just want to crawl under a rock and hide but you have to fight that urge. I mean the first few days okay. But you can't live like that forever. That person probably isn't worth it either. That's what you have to realize.

Have you considered counseling? That helps some people.

This will all pass in time. It doesn't seem like it but it will. Don't dwell on the past. Don't do "what if?" You can't change what happened. You can affect what happens in your future.

I went to therapy yesterday for the first time in life. I made a post about it yesterday too. Since it was only one 45 minute session I didn't really get anything from it. Maybe in the future I will but right now I'm still in the feeling.

Oh I also broke NC last night and basically asked to hangout Monday and he said yea. So if y'all could just pray for me please lol. I know this is not healthy but I felt like if I didn't text him that I was gonna die.

What does "maybe in the future" mean AT?

You got replies urging you to continue with therapy or find a therapist more suited to you. what's it to be.

How on earth would you die from not texting someone?!

Yea I'm going to continue therapy for sure and hopefully down the line I feel better about everything.

And I know I wouldn't literally die but it was killing me not to speak to him. It's like I wanted that release of temporary satisfaction by just speaking to him.

. It's like I wanted that release of temporary satisfaction by just speaking to him.

And it would be temporary following by more intense grief afterwards. Don't give in to the temptation.

What you are feeling is normal and yes, painful.

Just know you aren't alone. Almost everyone goes through it in a lifetime.

Some more than others and we came out the other side having learned valuable lessons and stronger for having experienced it.

When you guys we're dealing with break ups how did you cope? I'm trying to stay busy but every single thing reminds me of him. Why does this have to hurt so much?

I would swing back and forth from staying busy, whether it was at the gym, spending times with friends, running errands and then I would just go home and sit in the middle of the grief and process it.

I used to be runner. Always staying busy not wanting to deal challenges or sad feelings.

I've learned along the way that I either deal with grief, or it deals with me. There is no shortcut.

It's really hard to sit and let it crash over you in waves. But at least for me, the more I did this the sooner it seemed to pass.

Never as fast as I may like it too, but running away and not dealing with it isn't an option anymore.

Hi

I don't know if this is much help, but I have been where you are, and I will never allow myself to go to that dark place again ever.

It feels like it will never end, but it does get better. The best advice I was given was about 3 weeks later, when I truly felt that I would never be normal again, was the following

Before you get out of bed, think about 10 things in your life that you are grateful for. They don't have to be big things, say thank you for my friends who love me etc.

I also and still continue nightly, 9 weeks later, listen to some mindful compassion audio. You can download them from the Internet. Lots are free. Have a look and find a voice that you find soothing.

I had to start loving myself again, had to put myself first. I've never done that before, but please believe me, when I say, this saved me from myself.

I started off with 5 minutes, as I struggled to concentrate. I now do 20 min each night before I sleep.

Whenever I feel stressed or get that tight feeling in my chest, about anything, I plug my headphones in and do 5 minutes.

I know people say mumbo jumbo, and I never thought I could do it. I did, and once I started concentrating on myself the darkness started to lift. I went from bad weeks, to bad days, which I still get sometimes, to bad moments in the day.

I actually smiled to myself one night about a week into listening, because I realised that I hadn't cried that day.

So as well as all the other helpful advice, the lovely people on here give you, and believe us when we say we've been there, give it a go. What have you got to lose, and at least initially you will take your mind off him, whilst you're searching for a voice that soothes.

Good luck and you will come out the other side. xxx

Thanks guys.

Only listen to upbeat music, nothing sad or depressing. Try and work out what cluster b personality disorder your ex had in order to realise how better off you are without them, Sam Vaknin is good for this on YouTube, and eat properly. Also take a vitamin supplement and make sure your friends/family are aware of how you feel.

If you do end up seeing him (which I think is a terrible idea), please do NOT have sex with him! Having sex with him won't bring him back to you.

Will definitely not have sex with him! It'll only lead to a FWB thing that I'm not interested in at all. It's all or nothing.

Oh today I went out with a guy friend and actually had a good time and I feel somewhat ok now. Going out with the right people really helps! I hope this feelings doesn't go back down to a dark place.

I do have a tendency to bask in my emotions and I've listened to Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" a few times and I'm sure you all would tell me to cut that out lol.

I'll try to listen to upbeat music.

Listen to "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. Listen to "I Don't Care Anymore" by Phil Collins. Listen to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. The last one will have you dancing around the room.

When you guys we're dealing with break ups how did you cope? I'm trying to stay busy but every single thing reminds me of him. Why does this have to hurt so much?

I worked out a lot. I focused on work and did quirky things that I wouldn't have done with my ex around (walked around in my underwear.) Time with friends was very important too.

When you guys we're dealing with break ups how did you cope? I'm trying to stay busy but every single thing reminds me of him. Why does this have to hurt so much?

I'm going through a tough breakup myself, it's been a little over a month since the actual breakup and about ten days since NC.

One thing I do to cope with the emotions is to think about the negative parts of the relationship, and then I'm like "I don't have to deal with that anymore". I never think about the positives because it always makes me want to relapse. I also think to myself "why should I care if she doesn't?" I also feel free to talk to any woman that I see whom I think is good looking, playing the field is nice, but at this stage in your breakup, I wouldn't look for any rebounds.

And honestly, regarding your relationship, what do you miss about it so much? What is there to love about a person who has broken your heart? Do you really want to go back to a man who has hurt you so many times? Honestly, I wouldn't even hang out with him. If my ex asked me if she wanted to hang out I'd be like "hell no". Seeing him is only going to rub salt in your wounds, I promise you that. Don't let him ruin your life, he sounds like a bit of a flake anyway who is playing games with you. I promise you, if you completely cut contact, you'll feel empowered, which will make you feel way better emotionally. Right now you're letting him abuse your emotions, which is exactly what my ex did to me. Don't stay under his wing: be a leader, not a follower.

No he's not abusing my emotions. I'm the one who suggested hanging out. It's my fault. I'm the one pursuing him because I still want to be with him. It's literally an addiction, and it hurts too much to cut him out of my life. Going cold turkey is impossible for me. I'm hoping that if I see him he'll be excited to see me and we'll have a good time. 😔

Going cold turkey is impossible for me.

Nonsense.

and it hurts too much to cut him out of my life.

Going to hurt a lot more in the long run if you keep on meeting him.

I'm hoping that if I see him he'll be excited to see me and we'll have a good time

You may well have a "good time" but it won't make him any more likely to get back with you. In fact, it will probably have the opposite effect. He will sense that you aren't strong enough or independent enough to live without him. A big turn-off to most men, who like a challenge.

It's been 8 days since my break up and I cannot take this pain anymore. I'm sitting inside my body feeling so many negative emotions and all I want to do is run away from myself. I have lost 10 pounds in a little over a week! I have no desire to hangout! When I am out it shows that I'd rather be in bed dying a slow painful death.

 

Sometimes I honestly wish I was dead. I would never even attempt it because I know I'm not in the right state of mind but I don't know how much longer this feeling will last. I keep asking myself why me?! I know there's people out there that are actually dying and I should be grateful to even be alive and healthy (honestly haven't went to the doctor in a while so idk how healthy I actually am but let's assume im ok) but I'm in such a dark place! Im so frustrated with myself!

 

Why can't I just accept the break up and move the f*** on! Why am I like this?! My ex is probably sitting there dandy as hell while I'm on my couch sitting in silence thinking about what I could've done differently. Why wasn't I enough? Why didn't he want to work on things with me anymore? What could I have done to make him want me the same way I wanted him?

 

I don't know what to do anymore. Time is the answer but this break up has put me into deep depression. I seriously can't live like this anymore. I just want to be ok and I'm not.

I'm so sorry I'm a guy and all I can say is were s and most of us don't know what we want keep ur head up the right guy will come to u, it will take time but he's out there just never give up and you'll be ok

Going cold turkey is impossible for me. I'm hoping that if I see him he'll be excited to see me and we'll have a good time. 😔

You're taking the easy way out, and setting yourself up for further heartache. Keep in mind that the hardest part about moving forward, is not looking back.

Why is seeing him such a bad idea 😔? I'm not gonna talk about our relationship. I just wanted to hangout.