Help

Hi, I'm 37 and I have been with my partner for about 5 years and we have been married just under a year.

About 5 months ago my now wife had an affair with and friend of hours. It was just an emotional thing at first but then later started to get physical.

I knew hat they had feelings for each other but had no idea it would form into a full blown affair.

My wife told me about it when I confronted her.

She told me that she was in love with him and that she was sorry that it had hit this far and that she had hurt me.

I was devastated!!!!

We did have a few problems which I was down to the stress of my job and a few money problems.

I told her that I would forgive her and that I wanted to try and sort things out. It was very hard at first but it started to get easier.

But the problem I have now is that she still wants to stay friends with the other man as they work and socialise in similar circles.

But since then they have been spending more time together and he has now started mentoring her with her new business.

She said that I have nothing to worry about and all they are is just good friends and she has told me that she doesn't feel the same way about him anymore.

I'm just really worried that the more time they spend together the bigger bond that will have and things between them will start up again.

And I also know he's Still in love with her and he's only helping her out because he wants to make his move again.

I don't really know what to do as I have lost trust in my wife but want to trust her but it's driving me crazy

Uh yeah, tell her to go eff herself and get a divorce. And find some decent "friends". She doesn't want to still "stay friends" with the other man. Don't kid yourself.

Sorry to hear this. Keep a close eye on things.

she still wants to stay friends with the other man as they work and socialise in similar circles.And I also know he's Still in love with her and he's only helping her out because he wants to make his move again

Trust can never be given.

"She said that I have nothing to worry about..."

- Easy said, but her actions are the opposite.

You've been in a non-marriage for five months. Only a total reset will clear your mind.

Sorry!

Uh yeah, tell her to go eff herself and get a divorce. And find some decent "friends". She doesn't want to still "stay friends" with the other man. Don't kid yourself.

Couldnt have said it better myself

Friends with the guy she had an affair with? Um... negative.

You need to feel safe in a relationship. And she needs to stop being selfish and put your feelings first for a change.

That being said, it sounds like she's unwilling to take your feelings into consideration. And because of that I feel it's best you reevaluate your relationship.

I'm sorry you have to go through this... Best of luck.

Agree with Seymore, harsh but very true.

Things escalated to a full blown affair and yet she gets out of her way to still be friends with this guy? Come on.

Don't lie to yourself and you deserve to be treated better. Sorry you're going through this, hope you can resolve this soon.

Complete waste of time. Run for the hills!

Yeah, no...this isn't okay. The fact that she still has the nerve to spend time with this guy and want to be friends with him is beyond me. This is dirserespectful to you and your marriage.

When I read about situations like this, I often wonder how the partner would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Would she be okay with you being friends with a woman you had an affair with? My guess is no.

Look I don't think your wife is over him to be perfectly honest. When your partner says they're in love with someone else then I would say that they've basically fallen out of love with you. And not just that but she fully did have an affair with him, the full shebang. I don't think she really wants to work your marriage out that much because someone that wants to work it out would not have cheated in the first place. And afterwards would not keep hanging out with the guy they cheated with. Above all I don't think she even respects you or your relationship. "You have nothing to worry about, we're just friends". Um, no. She said she was in love with him and had sex with him, that's not just friends. I know this really hurts and you love your wife but I really think you should just walk away. The mere fact that she's still spending time with this guy tells you she's not committed to you.

I was worried people were going to tell me that.

The bit I can't get my head around is that she is always making plans for our future and taking about having another baby together.

Would she be just saying all that just to throw me off the sent? Would she really be that cruel?

The truth is I love her to bits but maybe that's clouding my judgment.

I've recently had and accident which has ment that I can't work at the moment and I've been at home which felt that it's made us closer up until about a week ago when she has started saying things which has made me wonder if it's all starting back up again

It would probably be a good idea not to have a baby with her at the minute or any time soon.

I was worried people were going to tell me that.

The bit I can't get my head around is that she is always making plans for our future and taking about having another baby together.

Would she be just saying all that just to throw me off the sent? Would she really be that cruel?

The truth is I love her to bits but maybe that's clouding my judgment.

I've recently had and accident which has ment that I can't work at the moment and I've been at home which felt that it's made us closer up until about a week ago when she has started saying things which has made me wonder if it's all starting back up again

Yes, and that's talk. What do her actions say? From what you've said, not much.

I hope a kid isn't brought into the equation to patch up your relationship. Sort out all your issues first before making any more commitments with your partner.

Actions > Words

All day.

I would just like to add that I've not been the best boyfriend to her in the last 5 years and I've upset her many many times and she always forgive me. So maybe I pushed her into it

I would just like to add that I've not been the best boyfriend to her in the last 5 years and I've upset her many many times and she always forgive me. So maybe I pushed her into it

Maybe you weren't the best boyfriend. That does not give her a free pass to cheat and carry on a "friendship" with her affair partner. I'm sorry you are going through this.

She had an affair, but still maintains regular contact with him. That's a lot of potential temptation. I agree with wiseman... Keep an eye on things.

She sounds a winner..... married for just under a year and she had affair 5 months ago?!?! Have some respect for yourself and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you (for life, or otherwise) and loves and respects you for who you are. No it's not OK for her to behave like this. Good luck X.

I would normally recommend couples counselling, but, given that there are no kids, and she barely lasted 5 months into your marriage before cheating?

...Nah.

Congratulations! You are in a relationship of 3 people!

Staying friends with him is completely inappropriate. You won't be bale to be happy in this relationship. It's like having a million dollars in a bank account but no access to it.