Advice please

Hi all..what it is ibe not been in contact or seen my ex wife in 5 months now..i live with my mum so when ever she drops or picks my kids off my mum goes to the door..

so its been easier to keep the no contact..i must admit i am doing better as the days go by..

what im asking is i am looking at getting my own place in a few months closer to my kids so i can see them more and take them school ect..but as it will be my house no mum there to go to the door how do i approach it ??

I dont want to break nc as im doing well but its something i cant avoid i dont think ..

Thanks

I dont want to break nc as im doing well but its something i cant avoid i dont think ..

You're right, you'll never be able to avoid seeing her forever. The very fact that you have children together means there will be times the two of you have to come together some time or other for whatever reason concerning the kids. Learn to accept it. When the time comes, be polite and courteous and leave it at that.

I understand wht you are saying...I would always be polite to her...i think its more that she has a new bf of 3/4 months now and i randomly got a message on fb saying she was happy and inlove again already it was a made up fb accoumt so dont know who it was..she got him drop my kids off at my mums on 2 occasions which in my eyes is disrepectfull with not seeing or talking to her in months..i dont see him but i would have to if he did it when i was at my own place...so i think that might be why im a bit wary of what to say or do

No, you can't avoid seeing her, especially with children involved. Have you already consulted with an attorney, in order to begin the proceedings of setting up a child support and visitation agreement?

I pay child support £80 but not through them..and no not gone through anu visitation agreement both said we dont need to go down that route

^

Of course, that's your call, but keep in mind that has the potential of backfiring somewhere along the way.

I pay child support £80 but not through them..and no not gone through anu visitation agreement both said we dont need to go down that route

The fact that she's had her new boyfriend drop off your kids is a sign that she might not respect other boundaries. Getting a legal visitation agreement might be in everyone's best interest.

Your right...i respected all what she wanted so she should atleast respect that she shouldnt get her new bf drop my kids off especially if i havnt seen her or spoke to her in months...id like to think she isnt like that and wouldnt do that but out of all the ppl i know i didnt think she would do what she already has..

Thanks for the advice its appriciated

What everyone else said.... Its good that you've managed to sort things out without going through legal channels.... Makes things so much calmer for the children too. I did the same and on the whole it has always worked very well. There's always going to be contact with your ex wife - you have children together so it's pretty much unavoidable. However, how you deal with it makes all the difference. If you're polite, don't have arguments in front of the children and respect each other things will be fine. As for the new BF....? I guess until your ex and you sit down and talk about boundaries then he shouldn't be doing her job of bringing your children round. Though if they're going to stay together indefinitely you'll have to get used to that and accept that there may be times when him dropping the kids off is the only option! You are bound to bump into each another at some point. You have to be the bigger person - as tough as that might be. For the sake of your children X

I know ill just be me if the times comes and i do bump into her the happy laughy me...and i agree if there together indefinatly thats something that will change in the long run on my behalf..it just bugged me after only 4 months she is getting him bring my kids..thanks for your advice

A lot of parents agree on neutral pickup/drop off locations to avoid each other's houses, new lovers and a whole lotta drama and trauma on the kids. Sometimes that is court ordered so not that unusual. Yikes at least you don't have to pick them up at the local police station, like some parents are ordered to.

Consider doing the same and arranging safe neutral pickup/drop off points such as their school, a library after school, etc. That way the children are given to the other parent in a public place they are used to with no possibility of a scene at either parent's home.

so i can see them more and take them school ect..but as it will be my house no mum there to go to the door how do i approach it ??