Opinions please...? little confused.

OK, I've posted my story... so I won't waffle on telling it again, I just need some observations on some recent developments.

Basically my ex dumped me, after moving back to Wales... despite my pleading with her to think about the long term effects of such a move, she shot me down and did it anyway. Contact was sporadic for the first couple of weeks, and what little I did get was all about how great life was down there... I thought 'good for her'.

Now, a few weeks later...

She calls me EVERY night, and I mean EVERY night before she goes to sleep... she texts me or calls me whenever she gets a spare minute, telling me about how her day has been, asking about mine... etc etc. Guess what...? she now tells me she hates it down there, that she is bored senseless... and that she only told me otherwise to avoid having to tell me I was right. She says she misses it so much up here, and that she misses me more than anything else... even complimenting my *ahem* sexual prowess. She even told me she's still supporting and buying a shirt of my local football (soccer) team... strange to say the least...!

What could all this mean...? I'd appreciate some outside input here.

It sounds like she regrets whatever this moving to Wales adventure was. And like she would like to reconsider.

Ask her point blank if she is just homesick and friendzoning you or if she seriously has thought about returning.

Was she scouting out another relationship?

she texts me or calls me whenever she gets a spare minute, telling me about how her day has been, asking about mine...She says she misses it so much up here, and that she misses me more than anything else

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Nope, well she hasn't mentioned anyone anyways... she just seemed to see moving back there as the answer to all her problems, when in reality it has proved to be a gigantic step backwards.

So many people around me have been saying 'somewhere down the line she will realise, and try and find a way back into your life...' - could this be the beginning of that...?

Nope, well she hasn't mentioned anyone anyways... she just seemed to see moving back there as the answer to all her problems, when in reality it has proved to be a gigantic step backwards.

 

So many people around me have been saying 'somewhere down the line she will realise, and try and find a way back into your life...' - could this be the beginning of that...?

I don't know. You tell us. Without going back rereading, weren't you planning to return to where she is at some point?

If she's the same person in your previous post then I struggle to comprehend why you would want a that stress in your life again. I'm guessing she thought she could run away from her problems rather than face them or she thought she was going to find something in Wales which she ultimately didn't. Maybe now she regrets her decision and knows that you'll take her back. If it's what you both really want then that's your choice but you either have to be firm with her (and support her if necessary) to get the help she needs or you have to be strong enough to say you'll be there for her but she has to get help first. Reading your other post you seem like a lovely bloke who is a bit lost at the moment.... I'd hate for you to end up back at square one X

No, that was the main reason she gave for ending it... because I saw it as a bad move, there is almost nothing in the way of career opportunities etc down there... tiny little town on the side of a mountain see...? and given the way our relationship was going, I simply couldn't run the risk of us arguing and me being pitched out in the middle of nowhere. I had considered it, but I needed to be logical, head over heart... otherwise I would have lived to regret it.

Thing is, I think now she's beginning to see where I was coming from.

I don't think I could take her back, I don't think I could handle the trauma again if I'm honest, but at the same time I'm happy to remain friendly .

Do you think that's what she's angling at...? I'm the king of misreading signs...

You know her better than I do... but reading your account of what she said she seems genuinely unhappy in Wales (personally, I'd give my right leg to be there now!) but that doesn't give her the right to be calling you up, saying all the right things and expecting you to take her back. Is there anywhere near to you she could move to? As you say.... would you really want all that trauma again if she went back to you? There's nothing to stop her moving back up your way but maybe if you do want to have contact you have to set some ground rules.

If she is angling to get back with you..... I would suggest it's not a good idea to just be friends with someone you know has feelings for you. That would be a tad unfair.....

That's what I'm trying to figure out, if there's actually any substance behind what I'm thinking... I don't want any misunderstandings between us, but at the same time I don't want to charge in and ruin what friendship we have if I've got it wrong.

She's originally from South Wales, her town has beautiful scenery... but that's all it has, you could even say it was a pretty rough area.

That's what I'm trying to figure out, if there's actually any substance behind what I'm thinking... I don't want any misunderstandings between us, but at the same time I don't want to charge in and ruin what friendship we have if I've got it wrong.

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Well then you have every right to ask her what her intentions are. Tell her what you just said here^

This is the woman that fought with your family and made a total jerk of herself on Christmas and blamed you and your family and lied about leaving etc, right?

Don't reconsider getting back together with her, she is so immature and will hurt you again somehow, there is no doubt about it.

I read and give advice to hundreds on here, but I recall your story as it was a pretty bad one and she acted horribly to you. There is no fairy tale to find here.

I hope you have healed and will not allow her to play you ever again.

Yeah that's her...

I don't really have any intention of getting back with her, looking at it she did me the favour by ending it... because it would only have carried on in the same cycle until something really bad happened. She was cerebral in her attacks, always knew which buttons to press to bring me down... but always gave me enough psuedo-love to keep me on the hook. My problem is that I was too soft to end it myself... as a person with quite severe depression, I couldn't have hurt her like that, or faced being alone again... no matter what it was doing to me physically and emotionally.

But you have to look after you, first and foremost. OK, so she saysbshe made a mistake in going to Wales.... But with all due respect, that's her lookout. In the past she has treated you terribly...that's not the actions of someone who loves you. I would just say be very cautious. I would also suggest she sees you as someone to fall back on. You're a comfort blanket for each other, but for very different reasons. You say you couldn't hurt her but sometimes you have to do things we don't want to to save ourselves from further hurt and torment. Hugs X

OK, that's clinched it... she called me just before to fill me in on how she's going to be doing this, that and the other over the coming year... (things I had suggested we do while she was here but never showed any interest in doing, preferring arguments instead) - that instantly changed my mood towards her... I told her how I resented her for never wanting any sort of life here from day one, and always putting obstacles in my way no matter how I tried... for being a completely different animal wth her family (she wouldn't even join in our family karaoke because that's something she 'only does with her sister'... for petes sakes), she made herself look so awkward and unsociable it was unbelievable... I never really had a chance, and now I have to listen to all this...? its like she is rubbing it in my damn face, it used to take an argument for her to come anywhere with me...! Her response, as always when I open up about my feelings... was to become instantly cold - "I really don't feel comfortable with where this conversation is going... bye." and hung up. She was always the same, even when we were together... no interest in anyone's feelings but her own, everything was always about her, or was my fault somehow.

All of a sudden she's become the person I wanted her to be up here, and it feels like she's revelling in making sure I know that. I'm just not allowed to show any feeling about that at all... screw her, I care too damn much

just read everything, good for you for speaking up! do not let her back into your life, it will all be on HER terms and you will end up hurt again, she gives you hope and then she shows her true self again, cause trust me, a person like that cannot change, she just misses what was and now she has no one in her life so she reaches out to you because she knows you will listen and take her calls because you still care, but that is one sided Robert, she gives you nothing but false hope! and she can talk to you and meanwhile find someone else locally and then drop you again suddenly.....please keep as you are and don't let her back into your life, someone who treats your family like that, talks about your baby niece like that, is not worthy of your love.....don't take her calls again and go NC and heal..you deserve a real loving and sweet Jasmine, not some witch in disguise! hug Sara

She tried to get in touch a few days ago, I ignored her texts, ignored her calls too... until she sent a message to me which well and truly hit me in my weak spot. She said nobody would talk to her about her grandma, who had passed away the previous year and who she is still raw about... plus mentioning how her dad (a borderline alcoholic) is curled up in pain as his drinking has worsened.

Family is my one weak spot, as I lost my brother when he was only 18 months old when I was 7... my grandad, who was a father figure to me for so many years, was found dead and alone when he had gone to close up my grandparents' little country chalet for the winter. The bit that hurts even worse there is that he was due to go into hospital the following day for the bypass surgery which would have cured his condition... he was only 63, and not a weak old man by any stretch, a retired manual gravedigger and woodworker... still in really good shape and health. That came at a really bad time for me (I dont mean that selfishly at all) because I was 14... approaching my exam years at school, I lost all interest in schoolwork and didn't do half as well as I should have done. Then I watched my grandmother (who I was living with at this point due to a disagreement with my mum) suffer through a terminal illness and eventually pass away... family and family loss is my only weak spot, but she is bound to have known that I guess.

I alllowed her to call me, idiot that I am... we briefly spoke of her grandmother (nothing of her dad) before she began pouring out her feelings for me...

Her: 'some people go through their life never finding the one, or they find them and don't realise until its too late...'

Me: 'did you find the one...?'

Her: 'Yeah...'

Me: 'Haha who...? the parrot...?'

Her: 'You... it was always you. You put up with me and my attitude... no matter what I said or did to you, you were always there... you never judged me and you never used me... you loved no matter what. You were my first true love... I miss you.'

We talked like that for nearly an hour, and I will not lie... it began to get to me. We said our goodnights and went to sleep, I'll admit I felt happy and slept reasonably well that night. The following morning it was business as usual... 1001 excuses as to why she shouldn't have said those things, even claiming she never said some of them, it made me sick... but I kinda expected it yo be honest.

Me: 'the difference between us is I am like my mother at times, I will speak my mind... if I think something I will say it and stand by it. If afterwards I look back and think I'm wrong or I have spoken out of line, I will apologise. You are like your mother too, you'll say something and you never have the backbone to stand by it, you'll deny it and make the other person look like a liar or an idiot... you say you dislike your mother and hate the way she is, but you are more alike than you know... and chose to give up your life and move back in with her too, figure that one out...! Stand beside what you say for once in your life...'

Her: 'I'm afraid to let people in, they'll hurt me...'

Me: 'heard that one a million times... when I tried to help you denied it, then caused an argument. Then blamed me for it all... don't make me laugh. You want help... grow up and go get it. Anyway, I've got bits to do... talk whenever.'

I've heard almost nothing since.