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Teenage student found my nudes


Maddyb12

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Ok guys... I'm currently heart broken. I work as a behavior therapist with teenagers and children who are either on the spectrum or have oppositional defiance disorder. I work with a fourteen year old with ODD. Yesterday during our session he politely asked me to download a guitar tuning app so he could tune his guitar, I thought nothing of it as we all see him do this all the time. Anyways whole time he had my phone we were talking through programs (typical session) and he had the guitar in one hand and my phone in the other he finished and he handed it back and that was it.

 

Today I'm with another session sending an email and in my sent folder is four emails to my fourteen year old clients email sent when we were in session containing explicit pictures and videos that he must have either gone through my email to find or my deleted section on my iPhone. My heart sunk, I finished my session early i walked to my car feeling like I was going to throw up. I immediately called my supervisor but she didn't answer, I left a text explaining what happened and we talked a few hours later. She was supportive and understanding but alerted me that best case scenario we get the password to his email and delete them but we have to consider the possibilities that he forwarded them to other people and that someone else might have to see them in order to delete them. She was apologetic and felt badly towards me and said we would hopefully get it all figured out tomorrow. I explained I couldn't see him or work with him and she agreed it wouldn't be safe or appropriate to continue being his therapist.

 

I'm up now unable to sleep. I feel violated I know this isn't right but I feel as if I were raped. They were personal pictures meant only for the person I was dating. Not the fourteen year old I work with... I feel dumb for allowing him access to my phone and trusting that he would simply use the app but I never expected in a million years that he would purposely go through my private content on my phone. I'm sick to my stomach over the idea he has seen me naked. I don't really have a question I guess I'm just sinking into a depression over this and am too embarrassed to talk to anyone expect my supervisor about it.

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Whilst this is complete breach of trust on his part..... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?! He's a 14 year old lad who you gave your iPhone to.... and you really thought he wouldn't go through your phone?! You literally gave him free licence to do that. That said, if he did that in the UK it would be illegal and you would be at liberty to call the police. At the end of the day, you're the adult here X

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Sorry. ... but nobody but nobody touches my phone. Why don't you have a work phone? I just don't understand why you would allow a vulnerable young person access to your phone. I've done youth work and whilst you want to ensure the young people feel comfortable with you, letting them use your personal phone is crazy. Anyway, I'm sorry but I don't think you'll get the answers you want from me except that if I were you I would call the police.

 

As for feeling raped? Unless you know what that's like... I doubt it. Having your personal space violated and totally embarrassed....? More than likely. A lesson learned, me thinks.

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Whilst this is complete breach of trust on his part..... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?! He's a 14 year old lad who you gave your iPhone to.... and you really thought he wouldn't go through your phone?! You literally gave him free licence to do that.

 

Hi Maddy, I'm sorry but I gotta agree with Skelly. I remember your thread a week or so ago about finding nice people. You didn't come off as the kind that likes to dude nude selfies. I never frown on people's sex lives; sex is great, but I do think lines need to be drawn when it comes to the digital world. The simple rule is, if you don't want your naked body exposed to others in the digital world, then you NEVER EVER take nude selfies. You simply cannot trust anyone, including Apple who makes the phones. Even if this kid didn't download your photos, all these phones are constantly linked to the web 24/7 with cloud services. And even if you have those things disabled, I promise you that companies don't always care about your privacy..

Your first mistake was taking the nude selfies in the first place. All you had to do to avoid this was simply never take the nude pictures and videos. Your second mistake here was allowing a 14 year old boy with raging hormones and one that has ODD nonetheless unrestricted access to your cellphone. What did you think he was going to do? Did you not think about any of that content being on there when handing him the phone? This could backfire on you so badly; I know you didn't intentionally expose yourself to this child, but it was careless and you will be lucky if this doesn't end with your either losing your job or having a sex crime charged against you. The justice system is pretty ruthless with adults who carelessly expose children to sex.

 

My advice to you; first and foremost, damage control. You have to come clean with everyone, including your employer and the child's guardian/parents. You need to make it clear to all parties involved that your privacy was invaded and trust was broken with this child. Second, you need to speak to the child's guardian(s). Tell him he has the photos/videos and you would like them immediately deleted. If you don't want your naked body on the internet and porn sites, you have try to stop this ASAP. You can't "hack" his email or anything. You need to come clean with whoever is in charge of him and see if they can intervene in removing the content and taking away his computer/phones until the content can be removed.

You have to realize, no matter what you do, this kid could potentially have your photos & videos forever. Even if you were to go after him, he may have them backed up, saved to alternate emails/cloud drives, or worse, uploaded on the internet somewhere. There's simply nothing you can do about that. But you can try to stop that BEFORE it happens, if it hasn't already. I'm really sorry this happened to you, but you took the photos/videos, and now you have to deal with the consequences. I would try to stop it from spreading at this point. The last thing you want is one of your photos or videos uploaded on a site like PornHub tomorrow with 3,000,000 views.

 

I'm sorry if any of this sounds "mean". I'm just giving you the honest truth, I work in the IT world and well, I'm also a guy. I know what guys do with those photos/videos. I honestly would never send anyone nudes unless I was married. Even that is treading on dangerous water. But if/when you breakup with guys, I promise you they are probably hanging onto those nudes, and if you ever make them mad/upset they can expose them to the world.

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Sorry. ... but nobody but nobody touches my phone. Why don't you have a work phone? I just don't understand why you would allow a vulnerable young person access to your phone. I've done youth work and whilst you want to ensure the young people feel comfortable with you, letting them use your personal phone is crazy. Anyway, I'm sorry but I don't think you'll get the answers you want from me except that if I were you I would call the police.

 

As for feeling raped? Unless you know what that's like... I doubt it. Having your personal space violated and totally embarrassed....? More than likely. A lesson learned, me thinks.

 

Thank you for bringing up the atrocious rape comparison. As a survivor I find that so offensive. Unless the OP is also a survivor she shouldn't be throwing around statements like that.

 

I'm not even sure OP would have grounds for calling the police. Yes it's illegal in UK but to the police it would look like you'd sent them from your own phone to a person underage. That's something to be mindful of.

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Yes I'm aware I never should have taken them in the first place, but having a sex life and sending pictures to someone you're dating doesn't make me a not nice girl. Nothing on my phone was easy to find... I was sitting next to him in chairs talking with him as he did this. Yes I shouldn't have trusted him but we all allow him to use apps on our phones. I don't even know where or how he found what he found he had to have been searching high and low. So to act like I kept open a tab of my nudes and then handed the kid my phone is just absolutely not true. I've already informed my supervisor, she was the first call I made. I'm doing everything I can to control whatever damage has already been done. His parent is going to be contacted tomorrow by my supervisor.

 

I came here for support. I already have a tough road ahead of me hearing all this from my emoloyer etc. I came here for support from understanding people not to be made feel worse.

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Thank you for bringing up the atrocious rape comparison. As a survivor I find that so offensive. Unless the OP is also a survivor she shouldn't be throwing around statements like that.

 

I'm not even sure OP would have grounds for calling the police. Yes it's illegal in UK but to the police it would look like you'd sent them from your own phone to a person underage. That's something to be mindful of.

 

I'm sorry you were offended but I wouldn't have used the compression if I didn't have an experience to speak from.

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Yes I'm aware I never should have taken them in the first place, but having a sex life and sending pictures to someone you're dating doesn't make me a not nice girl. Nothing on my phone was easy to find... I was sitting next to him in chairs talking with him as he did this. Yes I shouldn't have trusted him but we all allow him to use apps on our phones. I don't even know where or how he found what he found he had to have been searching high and low. So to act like I kept open a tab of my nudes and then handed the kid my phone is just absolutely not true. I've already informed my supervisor, she was the first call I made. I'm doing everything I can to control whatever damage has already been done. His parent is going to be contacted tomorrow by my supervisor.

 

I came here for support. I already have a tough road ahead of me hearing all this from my emoloyer etc. I came here for support from understanding people not to be made feel worse.

 

If you were sitting next to him couldn't you see him doing all of that? If it's an iPhone the deleted photos aren't hard to find. They're in a folder called deleted and can have a preview so I'm guessing that's what got him excited?

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I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you went to your supervisor ASAP - that was the right thing to do. I am concerned for you from a legal aspect, if this kid's parents found the photos and somehow thought that YOU sent them to him and you could get in trouble. You may want to cover your own a$$ by going to the police station and filing a report, at least so if something in the future came of this, you can have a paper trail to show "look, on this date, he stole my photos from my phone, I made a report" and it supports your innocence. You can even have the supervisor come with you or call into the station and ask to be added to the report for collaboration.

 

All that aside, I hope you learned a valuable, important lesson here. Never let anyone, other than a trusted friend, relative, partner, use your phone. I work in healthcare with patients and I crrrinnnge at the idea of me giving my phone to a patient to use. No, that is not acceptable. Your phone is your life. You have photos on it (and in your case, nudes), personal emails, work emails, banking apps, contact numbers, etc. And social media stuff as well.

 

Here is my question, would you let your student root through your car? Your wallet? Your bedside night stand? Your mail? ...No? Then don't let them use your phone. If you want to show a photo or something or even a video, that's fine, but the phone stays in your hands and they look over your shoulder. You remain in control.

 

You sound really nice and trusting and unfortunately, having that attitude will backfire when you work with patients. It already has backfired so don't let it happen again. Be more on guard.

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s there any way outside of asking him to see if he shared your naked pics?

 

I really wouldn't suggest that. Surely as a therapist you're not supposed to socialise with clients outside of work? It's a really delicate situation to be in I would avoid talking to the kid altogether right now. I'm actually quite surprised the supervisor suggested hacking his email, I don't think that would help your case.

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She was supportive and understanding but alerted me that best case scenario we get the password to his email and delete them.

I have to admit I am both shocked and surprised that your supervisor of all people suggests hacking into this kid's email account. Maybe it's just me, but there is so much wrong with the entire scenario (not just the hacking part), it is truly disturbing to say the least (imo).

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I am sure you know this but his care will be or needs to be transferred to someone else. Much tighter boundaries need to be maintained. As was said never use your personal phone as a way to connect with the kids. I don't understand why it was done. Maybe your employer needs to institute different protocols to avoid lax boundaries.

 

I am sorry this happened but you strike me as somebody who is "too nice" and not enough boundaries . That is something that you need to fix within yourself .

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Show of hands how many women actually take nude selfies? Sometimes I feel like it's more frequent than I thought.

 

Maybe that's because I'm never on the receiving end.

 

I never have but I know I'm in the minority of my friends. Most of my friends have admitted to me that they have taken such photos for their significant others.

 

That's way too risky for me so I've never done it.

 

I think if you're going to do it, don't have your face or any identifying markings (tattoos, special clothing, etc)...or don't do it at all. Just my take.

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Pro-tip: If you must take nude pictures of yourself, buy a cheap camera and give your boyfriend the SD card.

 

That way, it's not going to be on your phone or backed up on the internet. And if they ever get distributed you at least know your boyfriend did it.

 

Don't let anyone use your phone again and I strongly advise not keeping nudes on there.

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Try not to get too upset. He's a 14 y/o boy and the pics are probably for his own use and friends to giggle at so they most likely won't go viral.

 

Good idea to sever the therapist/client relationship. Not much anyone can do because you willingly handed a phone with your personal data on it to a 14 y/o male with a known disorder that is characterized by defiance or vindictiveness toward authority figures.

I work with a fourteen year old with ODD. he had my phone
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You handed a kid the same phone you take / send nudes with?

 

I worked in psychological rehab for teens for a few years. You don't give the kids your phone, much less one that has ever had anything remotely incriminating on it. We were even encouraged to take down our facebooks if we wanted to ensure our privacy. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, it's just that the very last thing I want you to take away is that you should have simply watched him more closely. His hands should have never touched that phone screen to begin with.

 

I'd hang low... real low. I might even take a leave of absence to ensure you're not even in the same vicinity as the kid for a little while. I think your supervisor is downplaying the significance. How big a deal this will ultimately end up being is highly contingent on how good this kid is at keeping things to himself. Don't know if he's got parents in the picture, but if one finds out, it will not be good. I would have a serious discussion with your supervisor about what kind of legal resources your employer would provide should it come to it. Get your bases covered.

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Show of hands how many women actually take nude selfies? Sometimes I feel like it's more frequent than I thought.

 

Maybe that's because I'm never on the receiving end.

 

I'll take them, but not of myself. I remember being at a party when I was about 20 and one of the guys handing his phone around showing a vid of his gf having sex with him. No idea if she knew, but he handed it to me and we'd never met before. So.

 

 

OP, one of the big problems here is that you gave him your phone freely. That makes it a stickier wickett than if he'd hacked into it. I hope the revenge porn laws in your area are tight.

 

As it is, leave this to your supervisor to handle. Don't contact the child or his parents about it. If your supervisor can't get it resolved, you can still contact the police and see what they advise.

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I think it was really irresponsible of you to give him the phone in the first place. It was irresponsible of you to not delete those photos before giving your phone to a 14 year old boy with ODD to use freely. You were also right next to him, and didn't notice he was not tuning his guitar but instead sending your nude pics to himself via email? It doesn't seem like you were using good judgement here at all.

 

I'm all for taking nude pictures and sending them to your partner, it's sexy and fun. There's no issue there, I do it myself. But I would never in a million years think to hand my personal cell phone full of nude pictures to a 14 year old boy that I'm supposed to be working with. I also agree that your comparison to rape is a bit too much. Can you really call it rape when no one touched you, when you willingly handed your phone with nude pics to a young boy and didn't monitor his use of it? Not to mention, his judgment is probably way poorer than yours, being an impulsive 14 year old boy.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sure you feel terrible. I agree with others, you should do damage control but hacking into his email is not the best route. Consider this a lesson learned I guess. Best of luck.

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Today I'm with another session sending an email and in my sent folder is four emails to my fourteen year old clients email sent when we were in session containing explicit pictures and videos that he must have either gone through my email to find or my deleted section on my iPhone.

 

Please know that emails are not considered a secure way to send ANY information. For example, it is advised not to send passwords, social security numbers, or other sensitive information by email. Nude photos would fit that warning if you are sensitive about them.

 

Apparently it is not safe in the "cloud" either, based on stories that make the news about celebrity accounts getting hacked and private files accessed. This is not a new phenomenon.

 

Please don't expect nude photos that you've given away to anyone to remain 100% private, ever.

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I realize my post doesn't help how you are feeling now. Please know you are not alone, this has happened to others, even before cell phones. It might help to read stories of how other people have bounced back from this kind of thing, held their heads high and moved on. Brooke Shields and Vanessa Williams are two that come to mind (pre cell phones) who have recovered with dignity.

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