How long to date someone to know it's right

I've been dating a guy close to about 3 months. We were casually dating before this for about 4 months. He thought he was going to move away for grad school, but then ended up staying in the area and things got more serious. All in all, he's a really nice guy. He treats me great, thinks of ways to help me out through my day, encourages/supports me at work, etc. We've had a few issues - he's been single for most of his adult life. I also haven't seriously dated too many people and my last relationship was very toxic. I think we're both learning how to actually be in a relationship. I think we're going through some "growing pains" - nothing bad but learning how much we want the other to communicate, etc. He did lie to me a few weekends ago about something minor, but it has made me wonder if it's right for me. I was in such a bad relationship prior to this one, I had always told myself that I wouldn't put up with anything like that again. I understand people make mistakes and I can forgive. I pretty much told myself if I see a pattern of this behavior then I'm leaving. Socially, he is very outgoing when it comes to his friends and who he is comfortable with. When we've met my friends, he is much more shy and sometimes seems like he doesn't know how to act. We've openly talked about this and he expressed he is more shy and may have some social anxiety. We are both very into music and go to a lot of concerts together. I like to dance and he doesn't, so we've been learning how to navigate that as a couple together.

My question here, and I'm sure there are threads on it (please navigate if so!), is how long do you date someone to figure out if it's working or not? Most people have just told me eventually I'll know if it's right or not. Some days I think I'm with the right person for me and other days I'm wondering if I am. I don't know if this is normal early on or not. I always "hear" that when you find the right person everything just clicks. There are many aspects that we do click on - others seem we are figuring tnem out together. As I said, we have openly talked about all of this and we agreed that we'd see how things go and how things go socially together and re-evaluate in a month or so. Any input from others? or people that it took them a little longer to figure out the person was right for them? or not right?

Thanks!

There is no specific timeline, but it's important to be healed enough from former toxic relationships not to want to bolt at the first inkling of differences or lack of perfection.

I also haven't seriously dated too many people and my last relationship was very toxic.I was in such a bad relationship prior to this one, I had always told myself that I wouldn't put up with anything like that again.

Everybody's different, but you'll just know. Just don't allow your previous volatile relationships to cloud your judgement and panic as soon as your BF says or does something that brings back memories of your previous relationship. Just take things slowly. It sounds like you have loads in common and are both open in your communication. Each relationship is different and each a learning curve. They have to be worked at. The spark is there - just keep it lit! Most of all have fun and just go with the flow X

"We've openly talked about this."

"We've been learning how to navigate that as a couple."

Three months in, I feel like you're addressing some elements of this guy's character as things that need to be resolved rather than simply accepted. Dating isn't meant to be a project.

For instance, if you want a guy who's going to be chummy with your friends, he simply may not be your ticket. Of course, relations between them and him should always be cordial, but if your friends' personailities don't mesh or he's just not comfortable with them, it is what it is.

And for the dancing, there's a difference between wanting to dance and not knowing how, and not wanting to dance and consequently not knowing how. Even as someone who was raised on Latin dance, I gotta say if the guy doesn't like it, don't push it. But if he knows he doesn't like it, he should be fine with you dancing (respectfully) with others. This is assuming actual dance and not club dancing.

But, really, if it's just three months in and you've got to ask, I think you have your answer.

 

Three months in, I feel like you're addressing some elements of this guy's character as things that need to be resolved rather than simply accepted. Dating isn't meant to be a project.

 

For instance, if you want a guy who's going to be chummy with your friends, he simply may not be your ticket. Of course, relations between them and him should always be cordial, but if your friends' personailities don't mesh or he's just not comfortable with them, it is what it is.

 

But, really, if it's just three months in and you've got to ask, I think you have your answer.

This is more what I was trying to address, I think. The amount of time - we've been together a little longer (dating) total of about 8 months. However, during that time we've hardly hung out with my friends or even his that much.. only a handful. We're great alone - never issues there. So if I'm having these doubts, I'm not sure if it's best to just call it quits - every time I think about this I don't like the idea. Or give it some more time to go out socially and see how we work together as a couple. The dancing we've talked about and I've learned it's more that he would like to dance but doesn't know how/is nervous about it. That's something we can grow together.

I think the previous people said it best - it's like sometimes due to my past toxic relationship, any little issue, I make it a big one or a way to get out. When in reality, I have this great guy in front of me. Sometimes I feel that I'm self sabotaging the relationship and I don't know why.

OR - there is something missing and I should just end it. I've never felt this way in previous relationships so I'm confused. I also have never really had a serious, healthy relationship in my adult life. The previous one, but it as an awful one.