Girlfriend contradicts herself concerning my looks

I've been together with a girl for four months now and we generally have a wonderful relationship. She is one of the most beautiful, honest, loyal and intelligent women I've ever met. We have a long-distance relationship at the moment and communicate mainly over Skype, seeing each other about once a month.

We quickly realised that while affection, cuddling and kisses were important to me, they were difficult for her. She's been in a previous relationship that wasn't good at all, and so everything that reminds her of that - which is a lot - makes her feel bad. It has become better over time but it is still far from good.

What really troubles me though is the way she talks and acts about my appearance. On the one hand, she has said that I'm beautiful and handsome. She has even said that she likes my legs and how hairy they are (!). And the first few times she saw me naked she really seemed to enjoy it.

On the other hand, it's quite rare that she gives compliments about my looks, oftentimes it's about other things. When we've been together and I've only been in underwear she makes sure to only look at my face and has definitely not expressed any interest in my legs. She's commented on how other men are more "traditionally good-looking" but claims that she's not into that personally. She's also said that she doesn't care whether she sees me naked or not and that she doesn't want to see me naked even a little bit. She blames this on women generally being less "visual" than men.

This has resulted in my self-confidence, which she initially boosted due to her comments of me being handsome, has plummeted. We have good communication and has talked about this, and when I point out how all of these statements don't match up she says that she doesn't even understand how she works and that she has an inner appreciation of my looks that she cannot express in action.

I have no doubts that our relationship will survive and that we will get married, but I wonder if you have any tips for what may be going on and how we can deal with it?

Or maybe she's being truthful - and by that I don't mean to sound negative - it's a good thing! I am like her too. I find men attractive of course, but more for their personality, sense of humour etc and not necessarily for their physical attributes. Traditionally good looking? What's that? David Beckham? No thank you - I really can't see what the fuss is all about. I just cannot get excited about stuff like that. I've been with my SO for 8 years, I love him to bits and think he's gorgeous, but I don't yearn to stand there watching him naked, strut his stuff around the bedroom....

She loves you, she's with you and you say you're great together. Go with it and be happy - she loves you! X

Yes, I also think she's truthful. Again, she's a very honest person whom I fully trust. It just gets confusing when she seems to contradict herself - she even acknowledges that she doesn't understand why she does it. She definitely loves me, what troubles me is that she made me first gain and then lose self-confidence. I view myself as ugly again now. And I don't know if that will change unless she becomes more consistent in words and deeds.

What difference does it make? Stop acting so needy, she loves you.

Men just aren't that attractive. Yes you have your models but over all. I don't see why it matters as long as she seems into you and she actually doesn't talk bad about your appearance. People are different. Some are very affectionate some just are not. Doesn't mean they love you less.

Yes!

On the one hand, she has said that I'm beautiful and handsome. She has even said that she likes my legs and how hairy they are (!). And the first few times she saw me naked she really seemed to enjoy it."

Sounds good Kirby!

Hey, Matt, of course men are attractive LOL.

She is not contradicting herself, she is just not gushing out compliments about your looks body at the rate you expect/need. How is your sex life? Is she affectionate? Does she act attracted?

After 4 mos the initial infatuation begins to settle, so many people relax and don't gush with all the "you are so amazing" stuff as much. Relationships are not about ego-boosts, they are about developing love/feelings for each other. Do you ever compliment her?

I've been together with a girl for four months. I've only been in underwear she makes sure to only look at my face and has definitely not expressed any interest in my legs.

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.....but for a rare occasion, it wouldn't even occur to me to sit there and oggle my bf and compliment him on his body even though I do find him sexy (or else I wouldn't be with him to begin with).

I kind of agree with your gf that you are projecting your guy thinking onto women and we are kind of wired a bit differently in that respect. A guy strutting around naked in front of me is not really a turn on by itself no matter how hot he may be. You have to turn my mind on not just my eyes. Now if you are on your knees scrubbing the heck out of the kitchen floor......now we are talking sexy....lmao.....

Anyway, you sound kind of vain and kind of insecure and needy. Might want to work on that so you don't burn up your relationship with that. Few women will have the patience to cater to your desire for compliments like that.

Hermes I'm a man I'm not attracted to men. I've been told men are like Xmas trees they have ornaments. Haha

Yep. Matt. I got it that you are a man, heh heh.

And yes, men are attractive...dressed, naked, in underwear. I don't care. And yes, I look, of course I do. I'm normal!

It's also difficult to just look and not touch....

Yeh. I know Wiseman is looking up a gif for that lol.

Just remembering and smiling at what an old friend of my Dad's (a horse-breeder) said to me when he first met my then-to-be husband: "You sure are a good judge of a man, H." He said it in much the same tone as if I were a good judge of horseflesh, heh heh. I laughed so much, and remarked that it is a wonder he didn't expect me to bring along soon to be husband, trot him round the ring to inspect all his good points. Fun memories...

It sounds like you are insecure Kirby, and you should really work on that. Your confidence shouldn't rise and fall based on a comment and compliment from your gf. That comes from within. Stop expected so much praise from her.

And yes, men are attractive...dressed, naked, in underwear. I don't care. And yes, I look, of course I do. I'm normal!

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Oh my god, W. I need to go outside and get some air.

Just look at those......weights.....