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Looking to get back together with ex girlfriend who has new boyfriend


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I'll start by saying that I was dating this girl for 9 months and we built a strong connection between each other. A month ago today she dumped me due to us having reoccurring fights over dumb things. Clearly I was crushed by this. Some 2 days after her dumping me she had told me she was "talking to someone else". This is the time where I was in a very dark place and was questioning myself and everything I had done. She had tried to hide this guy from me either to not hurt my feelings anymore or she just didn't want me knowing just in case she wanted to come back to me. I did end up finding out who it was and it happens to be that she was texting him before we broke up, but I know for a fact she didn't cheat on me. She used him as a crutch to get through the hard time of our breakup so she didn't have to go through it alone. Here's the catch. She is 20 years old, almost 21. This guy is about 25, not as good looking as me, has a CHILD, and lives like 50 minutes from her. He doesn't really have much going for him in his life but obviously she felt an emotional connection while we were going through our breakup, which leads me to the question- is this most likely a rebound type relationship? They started "officially" dating only 1 week ago and only 3 weeks of us being split up. I fought hard for the first two weeks hoping she'd change her mind but she's a stubborn girl so it wasn't going anywhere. Rewind to yesterday, she agreed to meet me for lunch. We didn't talk about the breakup or anything and just had a nice chat for 2 hours with a lot of laughs. Near the end of our lunch I asked her if she was happy and she responded "happy as a clam". Also, she had posted on social media last week about how "happy" she is now. I'm not sure if this is a mask to cover up her feelings for me or if she actually moved on so quickly. When we left our lunch yesterday she hugged for a long time and I told her I really do hope she's happy and I'll always be there for her, where then she started crying a bit but tried to hide it. I'm just in a pickle to where I'm not sure if I should continue to pursue her as in texting and tying to meet up or if I should let things play out going along with the "no contact" rule hoping she'll miss what we had. I try my best to get out and not think about all of this but I'm still losing sleep and can barely eat anything. I think I came off pretty strong through our conversation yesterday and I did not mention any of those things to her. But it's extremely hard to sit back and hope that things will go the way I want them to as in him just being a crutch. Honestly he is a completely different person than I am as far as I know and it's really weird to think she even started dating him. I dont see anything in him that she would like unless he has a strong emotional side. Another note that might impact things is that I do not think her family will like him as she is only 20 and he's 25.. she could be hiding the relationship from them but her family loved me so that must mean something as well. Thanks for taking the time to read hopefully I'll get some good feedback.

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Unfortunately it sounds like you can take it at face value that she's happy with the new guy she started texting before you broke up. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

 

It would be best to not only stop asking her out, but stop contacting her altogether.

I asked her if she was happy and she responded "happy as a clam".she had posted on social media last week about how "happy" she is now.
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Well see I don't 100% believe she is actually happy. This guy is a total bum and I think she is only with him to cope with the breakup but clearly she would never say that. We dated for 9 months and she did tell me she's never felt the way she did for me with anyone else ever. Her reasoning for splitting with me is because we'd get into a lot of arguments over ridiculous things which was a result of both of our insecurities. I definitely feel like I've noticed what I did wrong and it sucks not being able to show that because I know it could work if I had the opportunity. Again, she is very stubborn so I think something would have to go wrong in her new relationship before she decided to come back to me. I'm not sure, or maybe she'll find out this guy is actually a loser.

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To be honest it doesn't matter what you think of the guy it matters what she thinks of him. After 9 mos and too much arguing the best step is to break up and go separate ways. You don't get along. Now let go.

 

Stop torturing yourself and asking her out and following her social media. Keep your dignity and go no contact rather than obsessing over her new guy. You are not healing or moving on by doing that.

We dated for 9 months. Her reasoning for splitting with me is because we'd get into a lot of arguments over ridiculous things which was a result of both of our insecurities.
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Well see I don't 100% believe she is actually happy. This guy is a total bum and I think she is only with him to cope with the breakup but clearly she would never say that.

 

I'm sure it's a tough pill to swallow, but no matter how you slice it, she's with him because she wants to be. Although denial is a temporary fix, the real solution is to find ways to cope while focusing on moving forward.

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You're on a slippery slope to getting right on her nerves and even if she is on the rebound and it doesn't work out, this kind of behaviour isn't endearing to get "your girl" back. She finished with you - she's moved on. You need to as well. Give her a break and just accept that she's with someone else, even if someone you don't think is suitable. It literally has zilchio to do with you.

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Look.... Every relationship is different and no one knows her like you do. Everyone is saying to move on and that's perfect advice. But In the end it's your life and you need to do what you feel is right. My advise to you is to really think about why you guys broke up and if it's something that your willing to change or improve about yourself do it. Not for her, but for you. So you can be a better partner to the next girl.

If you still want...Try to see her again and tell her what you guys had was special and that your sorry for the way you acted during the relationship. That if you had a second chance, you would show her things would be different. Don't beg her, don't cry, be confident. Then tell her that in the end it doesn't matter what you want but what SHE wants and that if she's happy your happy. Then tell her if she ever wants to try again she knows how to find you. If you do that be ready for rejection! after you say that don't look back! Don't try to be her friend. Show her your a man and you don't need her In your life. That's all you can do at this point. Maybe that can give you some sort of closure and move forward with life! Go to the gym, be more social go out on dates! You did everything you could for that relationship and if she looks for you again maybe you guys will reconnect sometime during the future. My aproach isn't for everyone but you can't keep being stuck on her. If she doesn't want to be with you... You can't force her. Hope that helps!

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Well the thing is we are always inclined to think that whoever our ex or crush is dating is a loser, ugly, bum, etc. It's called jealousy lol She obviously does like this guy and believe me she's not lying when she says she's happy. You said you were fighting hard for her and she doesn't want to be with you. She knows you love her and want her back but she's just not on the same page. She knows she can choose you or the new guy, but she's choosing him. Also 20 and 25 is not that big an age gap, especially when the guy is older. And some people don't mind that someone has a kid. I don't for example. I don't think you should keep trying to get her back because you already have tried and she's not interested. I think if you keep forcing it she'll just get freaked out. I definitely think you should go no contact but that's just so you can move on.

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