Where is a decent place to meet people?

Let me start with... I feel as though I'm set up to never find someone.. I'm 24, I've tried online dating and I'm over that concept, I go out every once in a while but don't find the bar scene the best place to meet someone, I work 70 hours a week between two jobs one being one on one sessions with children with autism so I'm never around coworkers or opportunities to meet men at work. My other job is at a restaurant and I guess I get flirted with/hit on more often than others but no one actually pursues me. I believe I'm attractive, have a lot going for me but I feel I will never find someone who is good for me. Do I give online dating more of a try? Any other ideas?

I know how you feel. I've also tried online dating in the past due to a reluctance to remain steady in most social scenes. Just my introverted nature, I guess. Some people have found the love of their life through online dating. I'd call that hitting the lottery though as it doesn't always prove that fruitful. In your case, I'd say give it another shot. Work takes up a lot of your time and if online dating has anything going for it, it's convenience. Otherwise, I might recommend finding a localized social activity you find interesting where you'll likely encounter men that also share that interest.

I had somewhat of a small break down after posting this. Feeling sorry for myself for having such bad luck in the dating scene and always getting hurt. I'm a bit socially introverted as well which makes a localized social activity sound like a nightmare to me. I'm happy in all other aspects of my life except for dating. I guess online dating is my best option right now.

I don't suppose you live in/near Pennsylvania? You could have a date here in 0.3 seconds... ^_^ Look, as a guy (I'm 26), I'm in the same boat as you, and I've complained about it umpteen times on here. I work a job where I never meet or talk to people face-to-face. It's great, I get paid well. But I don't meet anyone! No social parties, occasions, anything in regards to work/career. A lot of social groups and clubs I belong to are mostly older people. At least it's good to know there's still some single women out there reading your post. It's really quite depressing after a while and it makes me feel like crap.

I read your past post about match.com and the clown on there. My advice; ditch the online dating, it sucks SO bad. I just turned off one of my last profiles I had up a few days ago I kept on for giggles hoping someone would notice me. I've had so many bad experiences on there to count. I've found people on those sites to be very shallow and picky. I agree with ChrisBoles; the people that have succeeded in online dating have absolutely hit the lottery. Remember, online dating is nothing more than a dirty business. They make money off lonely people. They want and make it hard for you to find quality dates on there so they can keep you on those sites longer paying more money. They make tons of fake and/or inactive profiles they leave on the site, people who left the site as far as 5-7 years ago still show up in searches. Furthermore it allows people to be too picky when finding their partner and there's no natural spontaneity to it. There might have been the perfect guy that messaged you one day, but one stupid, off-putting thing in his photos or profile put you off that wouldn't have in person.

Your job at a restaurant, I will give you my input on that. As a guy, I have basically sworn myself to NEVER ask a girl out at a food/restaurant place of business. Any one who cooks/manages/delivers my food (waitress, bartenders, and etc. included), I don't want them to mess with my food if I piss them off asking them out on a date or something. A lot of guys have this rule... and also, we kind of think women in those jobs are unattainable or they are probably already taken. It's always tough for me because I often find or get interested in women at the workplaces, whether it be baristas, girls that stock the shelves at a store, and now most recently nurses. But I get weary of approaching any women like that because they are at their JOB and may just act friendly because of that. One of my friends I met on here that I know personally, she tells me to just go for it anyway regardless of their job! But I try to be careful. I would still rule out food places of a place where I would ask a girl out. I have a big thread in my history about a girl at a coffee shop I was really into last year. And she agreed to date me, but basically strung me along for several months until finally she changed her mind and I was actually hurt a little. It's just hard to trust people who are at their workplace if they are serious or just being nice about it.

The only thing I can tell you, and what I am trying is what Chris Boles said. Try to become more social somehow. Although I even did that last year without luck; I joined meetups, I committed to a sports league. Guess what? Met NO one that way! It was full of old people! And most people that go there were there to place sports and not socialize. It's hard to find the right fit. You should try to get into social activities that involve you communicating and getting to know people personally. Sports was a crappy pick for me. Also, don't focus on finding a boyfriend; focus on making friends. Friends can be good connections to introduce you to someone. The bigger your social network (no, not on Facebook but people you know personally face-to-face), the greater your odds are that someone could potentially hook you up. Either that or move to Pennsylvania.

In a similar situation ATM. I work in a small pharmacy, my hobbies are male dominated and most of my friends are married and don't go out anymore. Online dating isnt all bad but I have to admit I much prefer meeting people in the real world.

Going on your pic, you are attractive so perhaps start going for coffees or take a book to your local park and just spend some time around people? Im sure some nice guys will approach you to say hello. The beauty about this is you can relax on your own without social pressure.

Perhaps look at getting a new job to replace your restaurant one?

You're only 24. Relax.

Don't date online or think of online dating as a "concept". It's not -it's far simpler -it's simply a way to make that first contact, get a phone number, then meet in person ASAP with the way you first made contact completely irrelevant.

Other ways to meet people - volunteer work, swing dancing, working backstage at a community theater, go to singles events, take classes at the gym then socialize with the participants -yes, women too - because women can set you up with available men.

I don't suppose you live in/near Pennsylvania? You could have a date here in 0.3 seconds... ^_^ Look, as a guy (I'm 26), I'm in the same boat as you, and I've complained about it umpteen times on here. I work a job where I never meet or talk to people face-to-face. It's great, I get paid well. But I don't meet anyone! No social parties, occasions, anything in regards to work/career. A lot of social groups and clubs I belong to are mostly older people. At least it's good to know there's still some single women out there reading your post. It's really quite depressing after a while and it makes me feel like crap.

I feel your pain. Then throw in doesn't drink alcohol or use social media.

Your job at a restaurant, I will give you my input on that. As a guy, I have basically sworn myself to NEVER ask a girl out at a food/restaurant place of business. Any one who cooks/manages/delivers my food (waitress, bartenders, and etc. included), I don't want them to mess with my food if I piss them off asking them out on a date or something. A lot of guys have this rule... and also, we kind of think women in those jobs are unattainable or they are probably already taken.

I don't assume that waitresses will be upset with you for hitting on them, or that they're taken. But I do assume that the situation is charged with dishonesty. A service person who works for tips has a financial incentive to be nice to you. A flirty waitress can't be assumed to just be a flirty person, that's the role she's playing because it's what gets her good tips. A lot of waitresses work to create an environment that feels almost like interest, but it seldom is. And that's not to call waitresses bad for that, only to point out that as a guy, where you might interpret certain signs of interest from a girl, it's much harder to read signs that she might be interested, because you can't know whether those signals are genuine or just financially motivated.

That's why I never "hit on" waitresses or even really any customer service people anyway.

Agree that bars and work aren't ideal places to meet people. Dating apps are hit and miss and a lot of work having coffee meets, sifting through time-wasters, etc. But ideal for those who are very busy or don't have that many real-life opportunities.

You meet people where you are, so if you are taking adult classes or lessons you would meet them there. You would also meet people volunteering for things you enjoy. If you had hobbies/interest that had clubs/meet-up groups you would meet people there also.

In other words in addition to popular dating apps, having a full interesting involved life beyond work helps tremendously. Good Luck.

I work 70 hours a week between two jobs one being one on one sessions with children with autism so I'm never around coworkers or opportunities to meet men at work. My other job is at a restaurant and I guess I get flirted with/hit on more often than others but no one actually pursues me. I believe I'm attractive, have a lot going for me but I feel I will never find someone who is good for me. Do I give online dating more of a try? Any other ideas?

Listen to me (all in this thread)

If you're sitting around thinking of ways to meet people, you're forcing too much. Just let it come naturally. They happen when you least expect it. Seeking it out typically leads to disappointing results. Just live your life and be cool.

I don't suppose you live in/near Pennsylvania? You could have a date here in 0.3 seconds... ^_^ Look, as a guy (I'm 26), I'm in the same boat as you, and I've complained about it umpteen times on here. I work a job where I never meet or talk to people face-to-face. It's great, I get paid well. But I don't meet anyone! No social parties, occasions, anything in regards to work/career. A lot of social groups and clubs I belong to are mostly older people. At least it's good to know there's still some single women out there reading your post. It's really quite depressing after a while and it makes me feel like crap.

 

I read your past post about match.com and the clown on there. My advice; ditch the online dating, it sucks SO bad. I just turned off one of my last profiles I had up a few days ago I kept on for giggles hoping someone would notice me. I've had so many bad experiences on there to count. I've found people on those sites to be very shallow and picky. I agree with ChrisBoles; the people that have succeeded in online dating have absolutely hit the lottery. Remember, online dating is nothing more than a dirty business. They make money off lonely people. They want and make it hard for you to find quality dates on there so they can keep you on those sites longer paying more money. They make tons of fake and/or inactive profiles they leave on the site, people who left the site as far as 5-7 years ago still show up in searches. Furthermore it allows people to be too picky when finding their partner and there's no natural spontaneity to it. There might have been the perfect guy that messaged you one day, but one stupid, off-putting thing in his photos or profile put you off that wouldn't have in person.

 

Your job at a restaurant, I will give you my input on that. As a guy, I have basically sworn myself to NEVER ask a girl out at a food/restaurant place of business. Any one who cooks/manages/delivers my food (waitress, bartenders, and etc. included), I don't want them to mess with my food if I piss them off asking them out on a date or something. A lot of guys have this rule... and also, we kind of think women in those jobs are unattainable or they are probably already taken. It's always tough for me because I often find or get interested in women at the workplaces, whether it be baristas, girls that stock the shelves at a store, and now most recently nurses. But I get weary of approaching any women like that because they are at their JOB and may just act friendly because of that. One of my friends I met on here that I know personally, she tells me to just go for it anyway regardless of their job! But I try to be careful. I would still rule out food places of a place where I would ask a girl out. I have a big thread in my history about a girl at a coffee shop I was really into last year. And she agreed to date me, but basically strung me along for several months until finally she changed her mind and I was actually hurt a little. It's just hard to trust people who are at their workplace if they are serious or just being nice about it.

 

The only thing I can tell you, and what I am trying is what Chris Boles said. Try to become more social somehow. Although I even did that last year without luck; I joined meetups, I committed to a sports league. Guess what? Met NO one that way! It was full of old people! And most people that go there were there to place sports and not socialize. It's hard to find the right fit. You should try to get into social activities that involve you communicating and getting to know people personally. Sports was a crappy pick for me. Also, don't focus on finding a boyfriend; focus on making friends. Friends can be good connections to introduce you to someone. The bigger your social network (no, not on Facebook but people you know personally face-to-face), the greater your odds are that someone could potentially hook you up. Either that or move to Pennsylvania.

Haha, no I do not live on the side of the country! So you must feel my pain, it's so difficult having a job in which is great but that there is little to no face to face interaction and even when there is my field is female dominant, I don't think there's even one male out of my office. I'm so over the online dating but I do want to have somewhat of a dating life so I'm torn about whether to try again or not. Most my experience with online is me going on dates thinking it went well, going on a few more and then it turns out they're only looking for something physical. Really that's the story of my dating life right there... I don't have a problem finding someone that's interested in sleeping with me but dating? Seems no one wants that!

I do understand that, that the likelihood of someone actually asking me out while working is slim...because they're worried of being disrespectful or that I'm being nice for tips. Which isn't the case! I don't work like that but anyways it is totally reasonable for men to not approach woman while they're working it's just frustrating because it's basically the only time I meet or interact with men around my age who seem interested in me. I have quite a few friends but moved about two years ago and so I have a close group here but all are in relationships etc. most my exes try to contact me and have tried getting back together but I live two thousand miles away from most of them. I've done long distance with one last year but it burned out but I almost feel I settled for being someone far away because I was tired of no prospects down here. Ok now I'm just ranting and probably not making any sense

Find clubs and associations with interests the same as yours and join them. Or just try something new. Art courses, running clubs, book clubs... whatever you're interested in there is usually a group that meets. Try new things. Learn to ride a motorcycle by taking the course. Avoid courses/pursuits that are one to one, i.e guitar lessons, unless done in a group environment. Your goal shouldn't be to meet the one, but to meet new people and extend your social circle. This greatly improves your chances of meeting someone.

Build a rapport with customers you are attracted to.

If you can survive without one of your jobs, quit it. No point in dating if you have no time.

Learn to ride a motorcycle by taking the course.

And even if you don't meet anyone, it's one more pretty lady on two-wheeled iron! Win-Win!

Find clubs and associations with interests the same as yours and join them. Or just try something new. Art courses, running clubs, book clubs... whatever you're interested in there is usually a group that meets. Try new things. Learn to ride a motorcycle by taking the course. Avoid courses/pursuits that are one to one, i.e guitar lessons, unless done in a group environment. Your goal shouldn't be to meet the one, but to meet new people and extend your social circle. This greatly improves your chances of meeting someone.

 

Build a rapport with customers you are attracted to.

 

If you can survive without one of your jobs, quit it. No point in dating if you have no time.

Yes.

Right now, look at working 70 hours a week as a phase in your life to reach a goal. When will that phase end? Right now, do everything you can to focus on your health, and deciding what things you might like to do when you are finishd working 70 hours a week. Its a good time now, also, to keep in touch with old friends you have lost touch with due to your schedule, etc, through email or writing letters if they like retro things.

When you have more time, I agree - join things that are based on your interest. Volunteer for something. My cousin met her husband because she joined a local running group. He was a long time member. She was for awhile but was never at the same things/days he was at, and then they started noticing eachother. In fact, she issued a blanket invite to running group friends to come see her art show. He showed up. My brother met his wife through a part time/fun-ish summer job that was something they both did on the side as a lark.

If you are a reader, join or start a book club.And avoid the ones that are chick lit. You might not meet a guy, but you might meet his mom, sister, neighbor, roommate's fiance - someone who you will get to know who will make an introduction.

Use online dating as a way to make an introduction and if a guy doesn't want to set up a coffee or a lunch date when you start communicating, move on.

Let me start with... I feel as though I'm set up to never find someone.. I'm 24, I've tried online dating and I'm over that concept, I go out every once in a while but don't find the bar scene the best place to meet someone, I work 70 hours a week between two jobs one being one on one sessions with children with autism so I'm never around coworkers or opportunities to meet men at work. My other job is at a restaurant and I guess I get flirted with/hit on more often than others but no one actually pursues me. I believe I'm attractive, have a lot going for me but I feel I will never find someone who is good for me. Do I give online dating more of a try? Any other ideas?

You certainly are attractive so I don't see your problem - and you're right, the bar scene is a lousy place to meet people.

I will tell you this, though (although I don't think dating your customers would be so great of an idea): Any time I've met a waitress I was attracted to, I figured "Eh, she gets hit on all the time, even if I try she won't bother". What interests do you have? Ever do meetup?

You certainly are attractive so I don't see your problem - and you're right, the bar scene is a lousy place to meet people.

 

I will tell you this, though (although I don't think dating your customers would be so great of an idea): Any time I've met a waitress I was attracted to, I figured "Eh, she gets hit on all the time, even if I try she won't bother". What interests do you have? Ever do meetup?

I don't necessarily expect customers to truly ask me out its just basically the only time that I socialize with men my age not out at bars. Aside from my friends.

Well I spend majority of my time working, there is an end sight to the 70 hours but not for a few months. Never done a meet up. I spend my free time we concerts, festivals, with friends and family, volunteering. I guess maybe one of these days I'll find someone during that.

You will, Maddy, in the course of those activities. Widen your circle. Often we seek afar what is on our own doorstep.....