"Tracking" the wife - does anyone do this?

I was talking with my brother today about a restaurant his wife likes, and he said "She's at the mall right now, near that restaurant". I asked how he knew and he said "I'm tracking her". I guess he knows where she is at all times by some app on his phone.

A couple of years ago - before they got married - he mentioned tracking her, and said to her in front of the family "So I know you're not messin' around on me". She laughed. Apparently she consented to this, so I know it's not my business, but it seems strange to me - even when I've dated women and had a suspicion they were messing around, I never asked them to install some app where I could track them.

My brother says it's just to make sure she's ok, and if I had a GF and she asked me to do this I'd have no problem as I have nothing to hide...but I'd think it was a little odd. Does it seem weird to anyone?

Yes its weird and obsessive IMO (but I'm not them and if they both are okay with it then who am I to judge?)

If you are on the same IPhone account you can enable a feature to track each other. My girlfriend does this to her husband. Problem is she finds out things she'd rather not know and doesn't have the courage to do anything about it. She just makes herself miserable.

I am trying to give your brother the benefit of the doubt, but if she's an adult woman I don't think she is so helpless he need to watch her whereabouts to be 'ok'?

It's no different then reading each others mail. It's just not right, IMO

There needs to be a balance of autonomy in a relationship to be healthy.

I'd be curious if she really does know that the feature is on on her phone.

It seems sick and borderline ilegal to me.

It's not the fact that you have nothing to hide,but rather that you're accused even though you did nothing bad.

The most basic fact of relationship is gone - trust.

I know parolees and sex offenders have those ankle bracelets, right?

I would never consent to this. That's essentially stalking, except she consented to being stalked by her husband.

This is controlling and obsessive, and downright weird.

Like, what would people in our era have done in the days before technology? Unable to know where their partners are at all hours, get immediate text messages, track their partners, know who they're talking to and whose pictures they liked. I really think people these days would go insane.

Not healthy of the tracker (or the trackee if he/she knows). Simply shows a basic lack of trust.

21st century technology is awesome, isn't it?! So awesome to give up our privacy willingly to satisfy someone else's insecurities.

1984, we are already here. Orwell was right.

It's weird, obsessive, controlling, and downright disrespectful. Have you noticed anything else odd about their relationship? Control issues like this often lead to much worse things.

Wow, didn't expect this much of a response so quickly. Thanks for the input, I always felt that was weird. And Snny, I LOVE 1984! Thanks for reminding me I need to read that again.

Yes, she's aware she's being tracked. I even asked him "You're STILL tracking her?" but never got a response. I don't want to burn bridges with him as he's the only family member I have left to talk about my breakup, but as far as I know, she's aware. They've only been married a year but no, I can't see any other issues - then again, I've only seen the two of them 2 or 3 times since the wedding (he seems to go wherever SHE dictates, so the whole family rarely sees them). Also, they both have iPhones, so maybe that's what they've got going on.

Wow, my husband did that to me he would be a divorced man. Screw that.

There are location sharing apps like Foursquare. Does everyone on Fb need to know you're at this or that Starbucks or whatever? she's aware she's being tracked.

No trust = No relationship.

There are location sharing apps like Foursquare. Does everyone on Fb need to know you're at this or that Starbucks or whatever?

 

One of about a dozen reasons I completely got off Facebook - nobody needs that much info. And I'm not a conspiracy theorist either. But no, according to him, he sees her location on a map or something like that.

It certainly is strange, and I wouldn't tolerate it. Then again, to each their own.

I'm one of the few that steer clear of Facebook, as well.

Generally, I think it's using technology as a leash on your partner. But it gives a false sense of security.

An interesting example of this. I have a co-worker who does this. She and her husband track each other. But he has PTSD issues (he's a veteran), and sometimes he needs her to come help him if he's having a flash back or some other issue. It doesn't happen every day, but she's had to leave work suddenly when he needs her. And once he came to the office to see her. It's a bit odd but understandable when you meet him.

Generally, I think it's using technology as a leash on your partner. But it gives a false sense of security.

 

An interesting example of this. I have a co-worker who does this. She and her husband track each other. But he has PTSD issues (he's a veteran), and sometimes he needs her to come help him if he's having a flash back or some other issue. It doesn't happen every day, but she's had to leave work suddenly when he needs her. And once he came to the office to see her. It's a bit odd but understandable when you meet him.

I think there's always an exception to the rule, and in a case where one party is really in need often, I wouldn't discredit it. But I'm gonna go with your leash theory on this one.

I think there's always an exception to the rule, and in a case where one party is really in need often, I wouldn't discredit it. But I'm gonna go with your leash theory on this one.

Just one step away from a medieval chastity belt! I was thinking about this - how could I be tracked and still cheat? I could probably use a little known room at work, lock us in, etc... tell the husband I am working late.... I think when people want to cheat, they find a way. When someone wants to be faithful, nothing will sway them.

Just one step away from a medieval chastity belt! I was thinking about this - how could I be tracked and still cheat? I could probably use a little known room at work, lock us in, etc... tell the husband I am working late.... I think when people want to cheat, they find a way. When someone wants to be faithful, nothing will sway them.

I almost thought of telling him "She's probably banging someone in the restaurant bathroom" but that would be cruel. And I totally agree - if they want to cheat, they'll find a way - I've experienced it first hand (and been the experience, much to my shame). But someone who's prone to needing someone like in Victoria's example - I'd see the purpose. With my brother, however...

I dated a guy who lived an hour away from me, I sent him a "Glympse" of my location so he'd know how far away I was - when I got to his place he said - "wow that is a great app... can you put ??otherapp?? on your phone? I used it to track my exwife"

Needless to say I didn't continue with the relationship - I had only known him 2 weeks at that point. !

** sorry couldn't remember the name of his app

Does it go both ways? Does your brother's wife track him? I would hope he's open to that. And I assume what he's doing is tracking her phone.

I personally wouldn't want it, and don't know anyone who does it but I do know someone who tracks their hunting dog.

A couple of years ago - before they got married - he mentioned tracking her, and said to her in front of the family "So I know you're not messin' around on me". She laughed. Apparently she consented to this, so I know it's not my business, but it seems strange to me

I don't see this nearly as harshly as everyone else. Sure, it's a problem if he demanded that she be trackable at all times. And yes, no trust = no relationship. But I think you could just as easily see this as a joke between two people who are really comfortable with each other. I don't think it's a good idea to presume that this is him being distrustful of her, especially if him saying "so I know you're not messin' around on me" gets a response of genuine laughter. It seems more like maybe they use this tracking app for convenience between themselves....."Oh hey, my spouse is at the grocery store, maybe I should ask them ot pick up X, Y, Z so I don't have to stop on the way home" or "Hey, do your shopping and when I"m done at work, I'll use the app to catch up with you and we'll grab some dinner." It would cut down on the need for communicaiton. You can just do your separate things and then catch up with each other more spontaneously and not need to have a specific plan.

I'd say it's pretty innocuous if they're both on board and they both have access to the other's location.

I'm not saying it's necessarily everyone's cup of tea, but I definitely don't see the need to assume that he's some kind of creep over it, especially without more information.

And there are those who would say "if she has nothing to hide, why would she mind???"

Just remember, those who live behind bars are in prison. With no trial.

I would kick anyone to the curb who thought they needed to place some sort of tracking device or app on me. I find it outrageous and sick. There is no need for that, ever.

I would have a serious problem with being "tracked." Given the background of my past work history, the whole concept of tracking to make sure one's partner doesn't cheat tends to set off all manner of alarm bells. But we're talking about the spouse or partner secretly spying on their significant other, usually with rather sinister reasons in mind there.

However, that said, IF (and I say this because I don't know) your brother and his wife mutually track each other, and they both agree to it then fine. It's their deal. If it's mutual there's really not anything else to say.

A better approach might just be to casually ask him why they do it and if she gets to track him too. And take it from there.

Full disclosure: my husband and I have tracking software on our phones, BUT that's because we both sometimes travel through very remote areas with bad roads, unpredictable weather and wildlife with a penchant for being on dark country roads in the middle of the night at the wrong time. We want to be able to find the other should one of us not make it home on time. We also have ham radios that do the same thing essentially. And yes, once I've had to use it when he didn't show up for an appointment in one of New Mexico's larger cities and I got a rather frantic phone call from one of his clients. Turned out he was indeed stuck in an area thanks to a flash flood washing out the road and him trying to go driving where he probably shouldn't have, so he got stuck.

But would I ever look him up just to see where he is or what he's doing and vice versa? No, we aren't each other's parent for crying out loud.

This can probably be answered better by your brother and/or sister-in-law.