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Thread: Sexually Assaulted, was I raped?

  1. #1
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    Sexually Assaulted, was I raped?

    I just turned 22. I was out for a night at the bars with all of my friends for my birthday weekend. I've been very stressed lately and heavily drinking. On Friday night I also was mixing drugs (Percocet) on top of drinking. I do not remember leaving any of the bars. I don't remember the last bar we ended up at. I drove to one of my guy friends house who've I've been talking to. We have never had sex nor been sexual. We've kissed and we cuddle and that's it. The next day I told him I don't remember anything past 12:30. And he said I got to his house. He put me in the shower. And then we had sex. He also said the entire time I was calling him the wrong name. I went through my texts, as most girls do because drunk texting can be deadly. And I have a message in there to him stating "no sexual things" and I'm just curious as if I should feel wrong for feeling like I got raped. I've never been with this person. I feel sick to my stomach. He said he can't change what "we did" and as soon as he said that I threw up. I don't know how to tell anyone about this and I feel like I want to talk about it but I can't because I was black out drunk so I wasn't even aware of what was going on. Can someone please tell me how I should feel right now.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member kbbcoop77's Avatar
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    Sounds to me you both got drunk and had drunk sex, but you also mixed in pills which wasn't too bright. I'd be careful throwing the rape card out there. Back in the 80's/90's we drank and had sex I don't remember anyone screaming rape. I'm glad I got my wild oats sown back then

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    You very definitely didn't give your consent. (Anyone that thinks a person who is black out drunk can give consent seriously needs to check themselves).

    I don't think anyone can tell you how to feel. Just, however you do feel, it's ok to feel it. And maybe get yourself checked for STDs (because that's never a bad idea), and regard that guy with extreme caution moving forward. Maybe he didn't Rape you in the dictionary definition sense of the word, but he didn't look for enthusiastic consent either (maybe he was drunk enough to not be acting wisely but still, persevering with someone who doesn't even say your name? Low self esteem or low esteem for others, something not right there.)

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I always find posts like this very disturbing.

    Can you believe what this guy says? Can you trust what he says? Can there be any doubt? So hard to know what the truth is. (NOT condoning what happened, just playing devil's advocate).

    That said: [quote]On Friday night I also was mixing drugs (Percocet) on top of drinking. I do not remember leaving any of the bars. I don't remember the last bar we ended up at. I drove to one of my guy friends house who've I've been talking to. I don't know how to tell anyone about this and I feel like I want to talk about it but I can't because I was black out drunk so I wasn't even aware of what was going on.

    It would probably be a very good idea to stop drinking altogether if you can't handle it well. And if you do continue drinking, be a responsible drinker and not to the extent of blacking out and losing control. Not only that, but DRUNK DRIVING is also a very serious offence and could have got you and others killed. Just some thoughts to bear in mind for the future.

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    I'd worry more about your drunk driving. That could hurt kill others. You meeting up with a guy only hurts yourself and maybe him if he didn't use protection. I'm not approving of his actions either. I'd be worried about him if hes acting like it's no big deal.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to lay off the booze and pills, what you did was totally foolish never mind dangerous if you were actually driving. Having no clue to your surroundings and what happened to you is just as bad as getting black out drunk. Smarten up!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I make this point pretty frequently on these forums as the two concepts are often wrongly conflated. Blacking out and incapacity are two entirely different things. Not remember something doesn't mean you weren't of sound [enough] mind to make a conscious decision. It just means your long-term memory processing was inhibited.

    That said, with him having put you in the shower, at strictly face value it does seem you were in a subordinate position. Even if inebriated, I consider it morbidly perverse for him to be aroused while assuming a caretaking role. Then again, when I'm drunk, I tend to try to look after others. Once, I was helping someone else walk when I stepped straight into a cement pillar while guiding them. I guess I can't just assume because he was helping you out that he was sauced off his ass himself.

    But there's no way to know. If you're not comfortable not knowing things, don't so much as take a single drink of alcohol as that's all it technically takes for the toxicity to impede neurological function with relation to memory. As far as whether you should feel ****ty? I don't think anyone should, and I don't think forcing yourself to be is productive in any way, shape, or form. But if you're struggling with this not knowing, I would suggest seeking out counseling.

    For certain, I don't think you should trust yourself around this man again, inebriated or otherwise. And please consider taking a break from booze. For as much as I wanted to and should sympathize with you, it was very difficult knowing you put lives in jeopardy by operating a one-ton plus vehicle while ***-faced.

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    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Whether legal or not, I have a hard time believing or accepting that drunk consent is consent -whether blacked out or "into it" or not. It's my own personal belief.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    Whether legal or not, I have a hard time believing or accepting that drunk consent is consent -whether blacked out or "into it" or not. It's my own personal belief.
    We're not of the same mind while drunk when it comes to anything, sex included.

    But I'd be on board if it were widely accepted a drunk woman riding a drunk man was just as much rape as a drunk man plowing a drunk woman. Sincerely without trying to bring on a gender debate, it tends to be the case when two drunken parties are involved, it's the man assumed the rapist. I do think there are some brilliant and completely necessary strides being made with the concept of consent, but we've yet to really reconcile between the political and scientific aspects of drugs and capacity.

    But, again, I admit it doesn't sit right at all with me that this guy could help her shower and still be inclined to have sex with her.

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    I've seen threads like this before, and I always wonder to myself why if both people are drunk, it's the woman who is able to potentially call it rape. What about the guy? He was drunk too, so couldn't he claim rape just as much as she can? I guess it just bugs me when a girl willingly gets drunk, willingly puts herself in a close position with a guy, most likely willingly goes along with the sexual acts... then wakes up, can't fully remember what happened, regrets it, and wants to call it rape. I never hear guys calling it rape when they were blackout drunk. I think it's just a way to diminish personal responsibility.

    So to the OP, I would agree with most of what was commented above. Don't get to that level of drunk if you can't control your actions. I wouldn't view this as rape, just a learning experience that will hopefully not be repeated. And ditto to all the above about driving drunk. Also, sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you were aware enough to make the (bad) decision to drive over to this guy's house, then you were aware enough to be personally responsible for your own sexual actions. Just my opinion.

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