Currently Having Some Distressing Money Issues With My Boyfiend! Please Help!!!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and three months. He took me on lots of dates and always paid for everything. He has spent quite a lot of money on me and of course I appreciated it! About a month back, he got into some legal trouble and now has a felony. He could no longer continue his job as a drug dealer and the cops took all of his money. He is addicted to opiates and is VERY dependent on them. With his high paying (illegal) job, he was always able to afford his pills. Now he is selling everything he can of his, looking for change around his house and either begging or stealing money from his parents. Recently he has turned to me, asking for money. I have helped him out some but he has now started stealing money from me. If I refuse to give him cash he will go almost insane with anger, accusing me of never helping him and letting him suffer from withdraw. He tells me that he regrets every penny that he spent on me because I can not spare him money and that I didn't appreciate anything he did for me. At this point I have no idea what to do or how to solve this problem.. Please help! Thank you so much!!!

You can solve it by leaving. Why do you want be with someone who lives on the backs of other people's torment and ruined lives ?

has a felony.

 

He could no longer continue his job as a drug dealer

 

He is addicted to opiates

 

With his high paying (illegal) job,

OP, take in your words above. Really absorb them. If you don't know what to do after that, then I am dumbfounded.

Also, being a drug dealer is NOT a job. Think about it. Seriously.

Skylers ho

I know, people say that in a joking way.

Given what you're dealing with, I think it's important to talk to yourself in the kindest way possible.

You belong to you. Nobody else, ever. And never ever for sale. It's just not funny because for many of us, it's easy to see how true it could be.

Be kind to yourself. When being with someone else makes kindness impossible, it's time to go.

name...situation..this kind of sounds like a troll account...

name...situation..this kind of sounds like a troll account...

Agree.....

wow thanks.. I just came on here looking for advice.. I don't know what names have to do with anything..

What do names have to do with anything? I simply did my research and found a relationship advice forum.. I just need some help from other people outside of the situation..

Get rid of him, change your locks maybe? Did he do prison time?

I have no idea what to do or how to solve this problem.

]

You have a rough few months ahead of you, but not nearly as rough as the many months ahead of your bf. And, the only reason yours are going to be hard is because of him. It's time to cut the cord. If not now, then when? When his desperation heightens and his behavior gets even worse? When he blames you for withdrawal, when it is his addiction? When he is trying to manage court and lock up in this condition, tries to steal from you, does steal from you? And maybe none of that happens, it already is bad enough.

When addiction treatment is under way, he will need to let go of his relationships in order to start over on new ground. Even when he begins to choose recovery, the cord will need to be cut.

May as well cut it now, it is bad enough as it is and there is no point when it gets better.

It's just so hard to leave him.. He is my first love and I fell so incredibly hard for him. Also lost my V card to him so then there's that really strong connection. He also was there for me when I was going through depression, anxiety and PTSD... I was molested by my oldest brother from ages 6-12, after that I never thought I could love a man let alone have sex with one!

I understand disfunction I was raised in disfunction and was raped myself and have PTSD and anxiety. However is it fair to say if you were raised this way you might not know what a functional good relationship looks like?

I have had extensive therapy and you should too so you know what a good relationship with a stable person looks like. It is possible.

It's just so hard to leave him.. He is my first love and I fell so incredibly hard for him. Also lost my V card to him so then there's that really strong connection. He also was there for me when I was going through depression, anxiety and PTSD... I was molested by my oldest brother from ages 6-12, after that I never thought I could love a man let alone have sex with one!

I might understand, in some way. The reasons you cite help keep you attached, and that is a self destructive attachment that will never replace the security and comfort you yearned for as a younger person. But it feels like an essential attachment, or even like a type of addiction.

This sort of attachment was, for me, very difficult to break, and I did it only after seeing how destructive it was.

One thought that helped me was, It is obviously unsustainable. Therefore, it's a question of when, not if.

Another was: I got this far on my own. He is not my savior nor my safety net. I don't need either of those things anyway. I am okay as I am.

It may help to have someone available to support you in an intense manner, especially in the first days.

I would not trust him if he is stealing from you. You don't take from loved ones. Or anyone in that matter. I would seek help for him and make him get help for his addiction and tell him if he doesn't do what you request then he is not worth your value. In that way your thinking about your well being along with his. If he gets the help he needs and that will stop him from stealing from you and his parents. He can get very sick having withdraws from whatever chemical his body is lacking.