Would you stay with someone chronically ill?

If your spouse/SO had a chronic painful illness that would require a lot of inpromtu ER visits, lots of medications and maybe the loss of the ability to work eventually , would you stay with them?

Absolutely! Yes!

Yes. Because LOVE.

"In sickness and in health..."

Of course it's understandable why someone would bolt, but love is love and it would be unspeakably cruel to break someone's heart on top of a sickness.

Are you worried your SO will leave you?

I can't even imagine walking out on someone just because they happen to be ill and need a lot of treatment. Can't get my head around that at all.

"In sickness and in health..."

 

Of course it's understandable why someone would bolt, but love is love and it would be unspeakably cruel to break someone's heart on top of a sickness.

 

Are you worried your SO will leave you?

Oh no. I know he is never leaving. He has told me many times in our life when times were hard he meant those vows . ❤️

I just don't want to be a burden to be looked after .

Absolutely before my ex was my ex (nothing to do with the topic) I would have done anything. She always was scared of dying cause of her family history. She once told me she was scared of me getting sick and her having to take care of me. Why would you even say that if you loved the person. Seems so stupid now but at the time I would have done anything.

Oh no. I know he is never leaving. He has told me many times in our life when times were hard he meant those vows . ❤️

 

I just don't want to be a burden to be looked after .

What if it's him that becomes a "burden" due to illness or injury or aging, would you stay with him?

If we're at SO stage, then yes, I would.

I'll be honest, though, there'd be a lot of factors to consider if we were new or even newish into dating.

Physical "burdens" don't scare nor bother me. It's the mental fallout that would worry me. I can deal with doctors trips and medical bills. I'm not sure how long I could deal with all that and being an emotional anchor.

With out a doubt - Yes!

What if it's him that becomes a "burden" due to illness or injury or aging, would you stay with him?

Absolutely . I could never leave him . And even seeing how blah he had become when I went to visit my mom for a week it was so sad to see.

If we're at SO stage, then yes, I would.

 

I'll be honest, though, there'd be a lot of factors to consider if we were new or even newish into dating.

 

Physical "burdens" don't scare nor bother me. It's the mental fallout that would worry me. I can deal with doctors trips and medical bills. I'm not sure how long I could deal with all that and being an emotional anchor.

That is a major concern for anyone, for sure.

Yes, and I know this because I've been in that situation. If you love someone, you love someone - end of!

Until the very end I will stay and vice versa. My husband and I are already going through this with my mom who has Alzheimer's and now quite probably cancer. The idea of abandoning any of my family creates a crater inside my heart that would never heal, so nope. I am with them through anything and everything.

I will not lie to you, it is hard to take care of someone when they're ill, when you watch them struggling with something they nor you can control. BUT -- and here you need to listen carefully -- there is so much beauty still in the world that you and your husband and your entire family will still thank your stars plenty of times, there will be room for laughter, there will be joy, there will and is still life.

Case in point. After one very harrowing trip the ER with my mom, who ends up there roughly ever six months, I was burned out, exhausted and starting to lose it emotionally after watching my mother be used as a human pin cushion. The doctor finally discharges my mom at 2:00 a.m. after she's stabilized and we then have to drive home on a dark country road in the middle of the night when all I wanted to do was scream and cry and smash things and rage at the unfairness of life.

So there we were silently driving for home, me crying, her just silently staring out the window slumped over when the moon came out behind the clouds and it was full and beautiful and lit up the entire countryside. And my mother yelled at me to stop the car, to pull over and we sat and stared at the moon while she just kept saying, "Isn't it just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" We got out and counted stars, we held hands, we sang there in the moonlight. We spent three hours in the middle of nowhere drinking in the night and when we got home we were both happier than we'd been in months--almost giddy even. That time and a thousand other ones like it sustain me on those days when she goes near catatonic or when the doctor says "We need to do more tests" or when I have to be the parent to the woman who's child I am.

I guess I'm telling you that story Victoria, because yes there will be hard times ahead. But there is always moonlight and stars and beauty and songs and love. Don't forget that, and I'm sure your husband won't either.

Yes, and as another poster stated, "In sickness and in health." I believed in and understood my vows when I got married.

Yes, I would. In addition, as we get older, these things are inevitable. Some people don't lose their mobility until 90, others much earlier, but it's going to happen to most people. My mom stuck by my dad when he had cancer and died. It sucks.

Until the very end I will stay and vice versa. My husband and I are already going through this with my mom who has Alzheimer's and now quite probably cancer. The idea of abandoning any of my family creates a crater inside my heart that would never heal, so nope. I am with them through anything and everything.

 

I will not lie to you, it is hard to take care of someone when they're ill, when you watch them struggling with something they nor you can control. BUT -- and here you need to listen carefully -- there is so much beauty still in the world that you and your husband and your entire family will still thank your stars plenty of times, there will be room for laughter, there will be joy, there will and is still life.

 

Case in point. After one very harrowing trip the ER with my mom, who ends up there roughly ever six months, I was burned out, exhausted and starting to lose it emotionally after watching my mother be used as a human pin cushion. The doctor finally discharges my mom at 2:00 a.m. after she's stabilized and we then have to drive home on a dark country road in the middle of the night when all I wanted to do was scream and cry and smash things and rage at the unfairness of life.

 

So there we were silently driving for home, me crying, her just silently staring out the window slumped over when the moon came out behind the clouds and it was full and beautiful and lit up the entire countryside. And my mother yelled at me to stop the car, to pull over and we sat and stared at the moon while she just kept saying, "Isn't it just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" We got out and counted stars, we held hands, we sang there in the moonlight. We spent three hours in the middle of nowhere drinking in the night and when we got home we were both happier than we'd been in months--almost giddy even. That time and a thousand other ones like it sustain me on those days when she goes near catatonic or when the doctor says "We need to do more tests" or when I have to be the parent to the woman who's child I am.

 

I guess I'm telling you that story Victoria, because yes there will be hard times ahead. But there is always moonlight and stars and beauty and songs and love. Don't forget that, and I'm sure your husband won't either.

Beautiful story. Thank you. Made me cry with happiness.

Yes, of course. Even if somehow I didn't want to, on a deeper level it would be my honor. How could I trust my SOs care to someone else? I couldn't. It would have to be me.

My ex was absolutely horrible to me, but in one way he was very kind.

I had to have major surgery that would result in a very large scar that, while hidden under clothing, was extremely obvious when unclothed. My ex's best friend advised him (in front of me, no less) to dump me because, as the best friend said, "I could never stay with someone who's scarred. She's gonna be ruined." But my ex paid no attention. I had the surgery and once I was healed, my ex would pull up my shirt (my scar is on my abdomen) and say "Hello scar, I hope you're getting better. Don't you hurt her!" And he'd kiss the scar.

In all other ways he was awful, but his attitude toward my scar went a long way toward me staying with him long after I should have left.

Yes I would still stay! Life circumstances happen that you can't control, health is a big one! Think about the military men and woman that come back wounded I would hope their loved ones never leave them because of a missing limb or wheel chair bound.

Love should have no bounds! People get sick with cancer, Altheimerz, or other conditions that are debilitating.

It's unrealistic to expect somebody to always remain In the shape they are in. That would be like asking somebody to be immortal.

Lisa

I could. I will stay with him through whatever comes our way as we age.

But I've asked him...to help me end it if I do get Alzheimer's. My grandma was a very smiley vegetable for the last 15 years of her life...and I just can't do that to my husband.

It does my heart good to know there are so many good people in the world. ❤️

Until the very end I will stay and vice versa. My husband and I are already going through this with my mom who has Alzheimer's and now quite probably cancer. The idea of abandoning any of my family creates a crater inside my heart that would never heal, so nope. I am with them through anything and everything.

 

I will not lie to you, it is hard to take care of someone when they're ill, when you watch them struggling with something they nor you can control. BUT -- and here you need to listen carefully -- there is so much beauty still in the world that you and your husband and your entire family will still thank your stars plenty of times, there will be room for laughter, there will be joy, there will and is still life.

 

Case in point. After one very harrowing trip the ER with my mom, who ends up there roughly ever six months, I was burned out, exhausted and starting to lose it emotionally after watching my mother be used as a human pin cushion. The doctor finally discharges my mom at 2:00 a.m. after she's stabilized and we then have to drive home on a dark country road in the middle of the night when all I wanted to do was scream and cry and smash things and rage at the unfairness of life.

 

So there we were silently driving for home, me crying, her just silently staring out the window slumped over when the moon came out behind the clouds and it was full and beautiful and lit up the entire countryside. And my mother yelled at me to stop the car, to pull over and we sat and stared at the moon while she just kept saying, "Isn't it just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" We got out and counted stars, we held hands, we sang there in the moonlight. We spent three hours in the middle of nowhere drinking in the night and when we got home we were both happier than we'd been in months--almost giddy even. That time and a thousand other ones like it sustain me on those days when she goes near catatonic or when the doctor says "We need to do more tests" or when I have to be the parent to the woman who's child I am.

 

I guess I'm telling you that story Victoria, because yes there will be hard times ahead. But there is always moonlight and stars and beauty and songs and love. Don't forget that, and I'm sure your husband won't either.

Aw, this made me tear up. So beautiful and, well, feels like love.

I would stay. If I loved that person..then it wouldn't even be a question in my mind. You're there for them when things are good and you're even more there for them when things aren't good. That's love and if it's anything less..it's bogus.

Yes I would stay. I just wouldn't start up anything new with someone that was chronically ill.