Interested or not?

I met a guy online, we have been messaging for about a month, before we moved to skyping/texting. He always offers to Skype, but usually forgets, he is totally open to skyping. We spend hours talking and I cannot wait till the next time we talk. He lives in another city and I wanted to go visit him, but due to cost of plane tickets, I’m holding off, he was totally into me visiting, but now he wants me to wait till they drop in price. The thing that bothers me is his text response, he takes hours sometimes he apologizes, other times he doesn’t, lately I will see posts on fb and he hasn't replied to a text of mine for hours. I know some of my texts are unimportant and I do plan on kind of not responding for hours just to see what happens. The good thing is if I don’t text him goodnight/morning he does it. I hinted that I wanted to Skype again and how much I enjoyed talking to him.

He told me he enjoys talking to me as well. When we vid chatted he talked about cooking for me and we talked about general stuff we liked and disliked in our partners. One day he even skyped me back after having to cut short due to hanging out w/friends. If he isn’t a big texter, that doesn’t bother me cause he was kind of doing it when we were messaging on the dating site. Does this show interest or no? I know that a ton of texting in the beginning doesn’t signify the quality of the person (my ex and I texted like crazy in the 1st couple of months). I am keeping my options open by talking to and dating other guys. One night he was sporadically texting me telling me about comp issues, in that time he posted 2 or 3 times to facebook, I took this as blowing me off, but he did text me goodnight. Opinions?

My opinion is that you're reading too much into it. I also think you are doing yourself a favor by keeping your options open, if that's what you are really doing. I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, because this guy is already flaky and it is long distance. Long distance relationships can work, but usually the people know each other before they go long distance... you guys don't know each other at all. How are you going to be able to establish a real bond through texting and Skype? And it's expensive to visit him? Also, has he ever offered to visit you?

Nah. Too complicated already.

So is it a bad sign not to respond? In my experience if a guy wasn't interested in me, he never had any consistency in texting. At least this guy remembers to text me in the morning and at night. I plan on doing the same thing to him, if he fades better for me. On one of the 1st chats he was looking at flights into my city.

I think you are putting way too much emphasis into texting when he is showing you through he his actions that texting is low priority. Also, you are not dating, you are not in a relationship, you haven't even met yet......soooo.....you are low priority and that's normal.

Basically, the bigger red flag is that you are not able to travel/can't afford to travel to meet and maintain a relationship. Distance can work if it's more like a temporary inconvenience AND the two people involved have the ability and the financial means to travel frequently to maintain the relationship AND one person is able to move and close the distance in a reasonable amount of time. When you start talking about flying and how the tickets are too expensive and you are both dragging your feet on things, that sounds like the core fundamentals that can make the LDR work aren't there so whether he is interested or not is really a moot point. Read between the lines - he can't afford this.

I was actually ready to book the ticket, when I asked him if I should book it next time I saw a deal he said maybe, btw I would be paying for my own ticket.

Why is this complicated long distance situation better than finding a guy that's local or only like 1 hour drive away? I would focus on finding someone closer. This seems needlessly complicated and expensive.

I have tried...for years. The people in my city have opposing religious and political views (yes I have dated someone w/diff political beliefs and that was a mistake).

Just like you, he is probably keeping his options open and dating local girls. So someone off in the distance with just cybertalk for all this time becomes uninteresting in comparison when meeting becomes further and further off.

Yes. Good to keep your options open and get on dating apps to find local guys, not pen pals and text buddies. The biggest indicator of interest is not text frequency but meeting in person.

You can't find a date because of 'political views'? Why is no one local of the same religion/inclination as you?

I plan on doing the same thing to him, if he fades better for me. On one of the 1st chats he was looking at flights into my city.

Exactly what DancingFool said. This is doomed from the start. I also want to drop the fact that he may be texting good morning to 5 other girls. He may be pretending to look for plane tickets to 5 other cities. One thing is for sure, and that is that he will not be going to any city to meet any girl.

In an LDR, texting is one of the main modes of communication, this guy hates it. Not going to work.

You haven't met, no bond, can't establish one unless you visit one another which is costly and which he doesn't want to do (a "maybe" is no, according to The Pursuit of Happyness).

Don't waste your time or your money, keep talking to other guys and drop this one lol.

So is it a bad sign not to respond? In my experience if a guy wasn't interested in me, he never had any consistency in texting. At least this guy remembers to text me in the morning and at night. I plan on doing the same thing to him, if he fades better for me. On one of the 1st chats he was looking at flights into my city.

I think you are over thinking the whole texting thing. Believe it or not, NOT everyone likes to texts, like myself. I will always respond to people with short messages and not always right away. Even when my husband texts me, if it's important than I answer but if it's just a what are you doing type of texts, that can wait if I'm doing other things. It does not mean someone is not interested in you. It just mean they are more interested in other things rather than texting. The last time I gave this advice the OP starting judging and saying I'm old. I'm not that old, I only like texting for the conveniences but I just can't stand having a conversation over texts. So funny because I was in the same age group as that last OP regarding texting.

It's much better to converse over lunch or coffee, IMO. Than again, I like to see body language and having real life contact. I find that, it's the only best way to know if someone is interested and vice versa. With texts, emails, IM etc... well, if you don't really know the person, they could just type whatever they think you want to hear. It's part of courting and I think people have it way too easy now a days with all the technology. So easy to hide behind a screen and type whatever. Very hard to do it in real life. Just saying.

That being said, do you not feel it's a bigger problem that you can't afford to go see him?

I was actually ready to book the ticket, when I asked him if I should book it next time I saw a deal he said maybe, btw I would be paying for my own ticket.

Well.....then you have your answer. He should be excited to meet you and instead sounds barely lukewarm and almost unwelcoming. Maybe = no. Simple rule of thumb that will save you a great deal of headaches and heartaches - anything other than an enthusiastic YES! is a no.

I've certainly had LDR's that worked and have nothing against them. I don't think there is anything wrong with them and even some advantages. One big advantage being that you won't string along an LDR as a convenience like you might a local date, because it sure isn't convenient. However, you will also meet a lot of talkers and people who are just looking for an internet pen pal or fantasy and other assorted time wasters (same as locally I might add).

So do yourself a favor and put a timeline on meeting face to face. If both of you aren't actively working toward meeting soon, then you are wasting your time. I'd also suggest that you opt for meeting somewhere where you both have to travel to, aka both have to put in roughly equal effort. Depending on where you live, some kind of resort places - lots of people, entertainment, things to do. A place you would enjoy visiting for a weekend anyway, so even if your date sucks and you don't want to spend time with him after initial meeting, you will still enjoy yourself. In other words, hedge your bets a bit and make sure he is willing and able to put effort into things as much as you are.

I offered to come visit him, I can afford to pay for a ticket. He was enthusiastic until he heard the prices and he encouraged me to look for a better ticket. When I told him I found one and asked him if I should book it he said "maybe".

That's exactly why I want to meet sooner rather then later. I don't want to spend time speculating and wondering. I'm gonna cool off for a little while and one day if we video chat again, I'm gonna see what his plans are.

You always need a game plan for long distance. I suggest openly asking him if he even wants you to visit.

To me maybe is always a no.

You do need better clarification.

Lisa

I'm not going to ask him again, i am going to feel him out 1st. Why would he be so enthusiastic about me visiting, even planning out the day if just to reject me later?

Because cyber relationships get very boring compared to local girls. Why are there no religiously/politically compatible guys near you? Have you ever dating a person in real life?

Why would he be so enthusiastic about me visiting, even planning out the day if just to reject me later?

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