Mixed Signals from a Guy - Perhaps I am too long out of the Dating Scene!

Ok, so here goes...............

There is this guy that comes into work about once a month, he came in a couple of times, polite hello/goodbyes and nothing more. Then I stalked him on FB and added him as a friend only to find out we had a mutal acquaintance! Next time he came into work we chatted for a bit longer and he left.

Then the next time he was there for about an hour and we just didn't stop chatting. There were no hints or smutty innuendos just a nice chat between two people. It wasn't until one of the girls said something about him being in the office for a long time talking to me that I thought anything of it.

Anyway his last two visits have turned into 2 hour visits! 30 minutes of it seems to be work, the other time is spent talking to me. He vists both our offices, but what he used to do was go straight over to our other office do what he needed to do there and then come back and do the office that I work out of and then chat. What he has done these last two visits is chatted upon arrival, chatted between work and betwen going to/from each building.

We try and be nice to one another but as soon as he walks through that door we just give each other friendly grief, taking the Pi** out of one another in a fun way. He comments on it that he just cannot help himself, but he says that he likes coming in to see me, says that he looks forward to coming in to see me, things like that where I think mmmmm is he interested.

Then on the flip side, I wound him up about a message on FB that I sent him (we have chatted on FB a couple of times but its always me that starts the conversation). We talked for about 3 hours on and off one night and then he just stopped and never replied to my message. So when I saw him last week I just took the mickey out of him for not responding and he said he was busy. he's always busy.

That's when I think perhaps he is being friendly, but then surely he is overstepping the "friend zone" when he spends around 2 hours - apparently he doesn't do this anywhere else.

I am due to move to another part of the building and he tells me he is coming to find me! He said this in front of my work colleague and she commented on it. Another work colleague said "you have been chatting there for ages, he had better of asked you out" but nope!

I found out recently he does have quite a smutty sense of humour but he admitted that he has held back - is he trying to impress me or is he just shy?

When I wound him up about his non reply on FB, I said I was going to delete him as a friend, he looked at me and said in a soft voice "don't do that".

I have been single for 5 years with a small 6 month blip last summer, am I too out of the dating game or is he too young for me? (he's 14 years younger, but doesn't look or act it).

perhaps I am reading into this too much and he is just being friends, but this visit made me think he was actually interested. A friend of mine said to drunk text him one night and if you don't get the answer you are looking for just say you don't remember sending that message! I don't want things to be awkward when he comes into the office which is probably what is holding me back.

Any advice would be welcome - thank you !

How so? Has he asked you out?

but then surely he is overstepping the "friend zone"

These do seem like mixed signals, but not encouraging ones. If he's chatting you up for two hours at a time, I doubt he's too shy to ask you out. What's his relationship status?

These do seem like mixed signals, but not encouraging ones. If he's chatting you up for two hours at a time, I doubt he's too shy to ask you out. What's his relationship status?

He's been single since Xmas but he was with someone for 7 years. I wouldn't stay chatting to someone for two hours of I wasn't interested in them.

The fact that you are the only one that initiates the fb chats are telling. Especially seeing that he dropped off in the middle of one of them.

That and 14 year difference. I suspect he likes you but maybe likes the attention more?

Two choices - Continue what you are doing and be patient. Or . . ask him out.

He sounds interested, confident, and outgoing. Why is he so passive when it comes to sealing the deal?

He may be involved with someone else and looking to "fall into" an affair. Or something along those lines. Baiting.

If he hasn't asked you out, but is putting in a ton of time and now walking it towards sex talk then it sounds more like his interest likes in bedding you. If that's all you want, great.

If you want to cut through all the chatter look him in the eye and say, "So, when am I getting that date from you?" IF he is indeed single and not hiding a girlfriend somewhere AND he's interested he'll happily set up a time to take you out. If it's either that he just is really good at finding reasons to slack off at his job (two hour convos? Isn't anyone working, aren't you afraid your boss will come down on you for chatting instead of working, what about his boss????) OR he wants a bed partner only he'll pull out lame excuses and only manage to get together late at night after some weird excuse about why he's calling you at midnight to come over to his place or out somewhere where you can't really be seen that isn't just a normal, open date.

I've been there, I've done that, you need to be aware the whole hours long convo thing without just straight up asking you out is usually a sign they're setting you up to get you into bed. If they're interested otherwise they usually ask you out and there are no mixed signals.

He's been single since Xmas but he was with someone for 7 years. I wouldn't stay chatting to someone for two hours of I wasn't interested in them.

He probably just likes to chat with you. Sometimes I chat with people for a long time, I just enjoy chatting with them, doesn't mean anything. I think you are over thinking it, way to much. If he was interested he would have asked you out on a date a long time ago. Plus, you are the one always initiating the FB contact. If you have to wonder, he's probably just not into you.

I'm wondering what type of employer allows several clips of 2 hours of chit chat time. You haven't defined what type of business you work for and if socializing with customers is appropriate. So he may be holding back out of respect for not causing you work problems. If it is not a problem, stop with the flirting/social media games and simply say the you have enjoyed the conversations but it's difficult at work, so how about grabbing coffee (and if you're real about trying to see where things go - give a specific day, do not use the vague "sometime")

I'm a big fan of this idea:

If you want to cut through all the chatter look him in the eye and say, "So, when am I getting that date from you?" IF he is indeed single and not hiding a girlfriend somewhere AND he's interested he'll happily set up a time to take you out.

He definitely seems interested but, for whatever reason, he wants you to take the lead and ask him out.

He acts hot and cold to confuse you. Some guys mistakenly believe this will somehow increase your interest in them and start chasing them.

Unfortunately this probably works for them in some cases (with women who have low self-esteem and insecurity issues).

Definitely not all though.

Do whatever you're comfortable with.

He sounds interested, confident, and outgoing. Why is he so passive when it comes to sealing the deal?

 

He may be involved with someone else and looking to "fall into" an affair. Or something along those lines. Baiting.

When I do this it's usually because I really like someone, but I just can't pull the trigger. And the reason I can't pull the trigger is I don't want to date them, I just really enjoy their company. And sometimes I think maybe I should, and I go back and forth. Then eventually the woman gets tired of waiting and moves on. Sometimes they're not very nice about it.

The point is when I really, really like a woman I won't let indecision ruin my chances and I will ask her out. If I'm indecisive, I'm just not that interested. I'm sure it might come across as mixed signals, and they probably are. When someone does it to me I just ignore them until they figure one way or another what they want. Mixed signals have never worked for me, both giving and receiving. I don't think people like to do it, and would probably never admit to it, well, except me, but it's just the nature of the beast sometimes.

you need to be aware the whole hours long convo thing without just straight up asking you out is usually a sign they're setting you up to get you into bed.

Or, they just like talking to someone whose company they enjoy. It is possible for us to think with our big heads.

When I do this it's usually because I really like someone, but I just can't pull the trigger. And the reason I can't pull the trigger is I don't want to date them, I just really enjoy their company. And sometimes I think maybe I should, and I go back and forth. Then eventually the woman gets tired of waiting and moves on. Sometimes they're not very nice about it.

 

The point is when I really, really like a woman I won't let indecision ruin my chances and I will ask her out. If I'm indecisive, I'm just not that interested. I'm sure it might come across as mixed signals, and they probably are. When someone does it to me I just ignore them until they figure one way or another what they want. Mixed signals have never worked for me, both giving and receiving. I don't think people like to do it, and would probably never admit to it, well, except me, but it's just the nature of the beast sometimes.

Either way, I like ParisPaulette's solution: "When am I getting that date from you?"

Either way, I like ParisPaulette's solution: "Are you gonna ask me out or what?"

I like it too. I would just caution, that anything but a yes is a no. Hope it goes well.

Ooops I somehow duplicate posted.

Either way, I like ParisPaulette's solution: "When am I getting that date from you?"

Or you could just straight out ask him what he's doing Friday night (or whenever) and if he'd like to grab a drink with you.

Something light-hearted and casual.

That is what I would do, and have done... when it's obvious we have a great rapport going.