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Thread: A serious issue with my girlfriend....

  1. #1

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    A serious issue with my girlfriend....

    Hi all,

    Ive come here because im desperate for help and I have no idea where else to go. So I'd appreciate any serious advice I can get.

    The story is, me and my girlfriend both suffer with mental health issues (anxiety/depression if you must know). While my issues aren't directly as a result of relationships, some of hers are. Without going into details, several months ago my girlfriend was sexually assaulted by a guy who she swims with (she is a competitive swimmer). The guy in question took her into a changing cubicle, they made out for a bit, then the guy reached down to my girlfriends lady area and started to "mess" with her (excuse the poor wording, I'm a bit shy when it comes to talking about these things). He also moved her hand down to his crotch. My girlfriend asked him to stop several times, but he ignored this and carried on against her will. She eventually pushed him away and had to run out of the changing rooms.

    The problem is this, it has traumatised her and now she is afraid to take our own relationship further. We both want to take it further, and sometimes we do and we both enjoy it, but whenever we do or are about to, she cant help but think back to this experience and it scares her and she wont want to go any further. I've tried everything I can to help her. I always reassure her that she is in control, and that its up to her what we do, and if she wants to stop at any point we can, and that has happened numerous times. I tell her to remember that I'm not that guy, that were doing these things because we love each other and that I want her to be happy. I tell her that I'm not going to use her like the last guy did, that I want us to be happy together. She believes this, and I'm glad she does, but it doesn't stop her from having these thoughts, and she still will refuse.

    So my question is, can anyone give me any advice, something that I can say to her or do for her to help her get over it? Is there a way I can help her overcome this issue? Just to make it clear, the problem isn't I want to go further and she doesn't. The problem is that we both want to go further, but she is too scared to and cant without having all of these negative thoughts.

    Thank you for reading. I'll take any advice I can get.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like things upset her when it went way beyond what she allowed. There is not much you can do but be patient. No means no and you really can't accelerate that.
    Originally Posted by Faz
    The guy in question took her into a changing cubicle, they made out for a bit, then the guy reached down to my girlfriends lady area and started to "mess" with her.
    The problem is this, it has traumatised her and now she is afraid to take our own relationship further. I always reassure her that she is in control, and that its up to her what we do, and if she wants to stop at any point we can, and that has happened numerous times.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Coily's Avatar
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    Patience and support are the best things you can do for her.
    Has she had in counseling since the assault? That may be an option she needs to explore as time goes on and she is still affected largely by this.


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