Does the no Contact rule really works?

People say no contact rule when we break up, however it is also said... out of sight out of mind. Wouldn't my ex forget about me if I totally disappear from his life? and he would fill that space with someone else? I have tried no contact rule with him. He gets very angry. Messages me angrily next morning. So i've been keeping it casual, whatever he says just to the point answer. What do you guys think? He has done many many mistakes but I don't know why I am so deeply in love with him and want to be with him. He never broke up with me officially.Just said he needs time and said don't go too far, I might be able to figure out what I want.

Naakitz.

"Just said he needs time and said don't go too far, I might be able to figure out what I want."

Keeping you on the back boiler, just in case, eh?!

Tell him to push off.

You deserve better.

Your instict is telling you that If you don't contact your ex he will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest.

You need to forget about him! Block him on your phone and every other way possible. Dont let him bully you. That's the point of no contact, it means NO CONTACT!

He has no right to get mad or beat you up over no contact because he's the one who wanted "space and time". If you block him he can't contact you so you were not really doing 'no contact'.

No contact/block is to protect you from crap like this. He is stringing you along neither being in the relationship nor out. Don't go to far? What does that mean if he wants 'space'?

I have tried no contact rule with him. He gets very angry. Messages me angrily next morning. Just said he needs time and said don't go too far, I might be able to figure out what I want.

Yes Wiseman2

He was quite clear that the fighting and your being married were issues for him. Do yourself a favor and block him, go no contact rather than accept messages and chat and continue fighting about all the same unresolved issues..Talk to a divorce attorney instead and wrap up that issue first.

he has been saying that he doesn't wanna be with me, bcoz we fight a lot. But one day he goes to me I love u like crazy but I don't believe in this that you are in a relationship or married

Stop being a pushover! First your husband "won't" divorce you. Ok, not really up to him is it?? You can also file. It's in your control.

Now this guy, you're letting him force you into contact. Stop letting these men control your life and take control of it yourself for once.

No contact works in the sense that it allows you to break the spell for yourself, as it goes, and move on.

It sometimes (but very rarely) works to attract the other person back, but the main purpose of it is for you, and actually nothing to do with the other party.

If you're activiely trying to get someone back, no contact won't tend to work. I would suggest very limited choice contact. Although that usually doesn't work either.

That has been taken care of Wiseman2. Finally the house is getting sold and divorce is done. Hence looking at next steps.

I agree Iggy5129 with you. I know it is hard to suggest anything when one doesn't know the background. I was 18 when I got married. Moved away from my parents and lived with my inlaws for 6 years like a puppet. I just became independent 4 years ago when I realized i have had enough. Now even with separation, my ex husband didn't pay any child support any spousal support for 2 years. I had to hire expensive lawyers spent so much money in order to get legally separated. According to the papers my ex husband would file a divorce meaning he will be taking charge of all the expenses. He didn't so I did it now! again very expensive with lawyers and court fees. It is unfortunate for me but I am being positive about everything.

You know the feeling where you meet someone and their family and click right in. That's what happened with this guy. His family even after we not talking to each other are in touch with me. His mom is devastated. She emails me and says I hope things workout between you guys.

So unfortunately you are still in limbo. but this guy telling you he wants space is not adding anything positive is it? It doesn't matter what his mother thinks or emails. If you want to be put on hold for him while he has his time/space then you can do that and two limbo situations.

and divorce is done.

 

 

According to the papers my husband would file a divorce meaning he will be taking charge of all the expenses.

That's the whole point of no contact, "out of sight out of mind". It's supposed to help you move on, not get your ex back.

The guy is stringing you along, which tells me he doesn't love you, he just enjoys toying with your emotions and keeping you as a backup in case he is unable to find someone else. In your case, no contact is the way to go, but it won't work as long as you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Do it because he has proved over and over again that he is toxic for you, and you need to move on and find a better match for yourself.

Sex with the ex is very very common. People do it all the time because it's easy, convenient, comfortable and they get horny because of being broken up/dry spells.

Which ex? The bf or your husband? You are still living with the bf? That would make sex even more convenient.

Me and him slept together weeks ago after our breakup (oops i am guilty) and I could tell he hasn't been with anyone lol. It wouldn't be a good idea still sleeping with my ex right? lol i mean if I was to sleep with a random dude why don't I just make my heart into a rock and just sleep with my ex. dumb question?