#does love really last

So I decided to use a blog because I cant trust anyone around me enough to share my personal feelings without it getting thrown back in my face..

I jus got married, about 9 months ago.. and they say marriage is bliss. Well not for me. Well not anymore. Iv been with my partner for 6 years.. and im the emotional one in the relationship. We grew up completely different, its so hard to even relate. He comes from a home with an abusive father, a demanding family basically. He watched his father and mother physically abuse each other for years and fight every waking hour of every day. It messed him up more than he cares to admit. He is making our marriage absolute hell. He compares me to his mother in every aspect and it really gets to me. He swears and treats me terribly but to everyone else he is the perfect gentleman. I asked him to go to anger management or even therapy, he refuses. He degrades me calls me stupid and hurts my feelings telling me how other women would be better then I am.. he doesnt hold me or show any love towards me. I am so broken and so sad I am tired of fixing him aand always trying to be there for him when he isnt there for me. He swears me so ugly and when I cry he says I should go cry infront of someone who cares. Im so broken inside and I dont know where to turn. I love him with everything I have but apart of me hates him for hurting me.his excuse is that his tired and that he works hard.

What should I do?

"If it hurts it isn't love" No truer saying SSSH.

He is abusive and it will escalate. It is not your job to fix him, and he seriously needs professional help. But, not your problem. It is important that you leave this abusive and highly dysfunctional relationship as soon as you can. There never was any love here, Sssh, not on his part and it is equally important that you see a therapist yourself so that in due course you will find a healthy relationship

Also, please read this

"The Mystery of Loving an Abuser"

We are all victims of victims... How can anyone treat anyone decent and love them with no knowledge of how to do so if that's the way he was brought up?? Sounds like history is repeating itself...

If anything I feel sorry for him for not knowing any different

Two words: divorce him.

and they say marriage is bliss.

Who's "they" exactly?

Go to attorney and maybe you can annul/divorce asap. Your marriage is a rerun of his parents and will follow that trajectory. He's an abuser. It often gets worse after marriage, when you are stuck.

Call those domestic violence help lines and research 'signs of abusive relationships' online. Unless you want what his parents have, get your head out of the sand and start taking action to free yourself from this. Why did you marry? Is he supporting you? Do you want kids? Is the marriage arranged/forced?

He swears and treats me terribly but to everyone else he is the perfect gentleman.

Two words: divorce him.

Like. Immediately.

This will not get better and you deserve way better.

You married this man why, exactly?

He is terribly abusive I even told him hit me but dont hurt me with words its just so terrible I dont know what to do. I appreciate your response

Thank you

Hi all

Thank you all for the responses and advice. I am going to give myself this weekend to ponder on what I should do.

You are all right. History is repeating itself. And I am allowing it by being with someone who refuses to change. I really thought I could help him somehow maybe even fix him but I couldnt. Today he turns around and blames all the bad in his life on me. Yet I encouraged him and helped him when no one else wanted to. Yeah the kick I got for it.. not literally.

Its so sad. My relationship was a dream for 5 years it turned into a nightmare. I do not write as if I have no faults I have plenty. But I dont think I should go through any of this

No this marriage was not forced. Not on my side. Bt now that you mention it. He did say the only reason he married me was out of obligation.. I dont know how I allowed myself to go through this. I cant explain the pain I feel its like having a sleep over with a stranger

Thank you all

Kind regards

Sssh

Once again, SSSH, not your job to fix anyone.

"I really thought I could help him somehow maybe even fix him but I couldnt."

Fixing is best left to the professionals, and all too often a lot of these individuals are unfixable.

Don't spend time thinking. Action is required here. Because if you start pondering you will box yourself into a corner with the all too often "malignant optimism" of "maybe he isn't so bad. Yes, he is. And staying on in this situation will destroy you.

Yes I gues you are right im living in denial.. with the what ifs.. he isnt going to change he hasnt changed for anyone who am I? A no one to him. I guess its just really sad that he destroyed the happiness within me in the process. I lost myself. Being a divorcee scares me. I actually no one would actually want to be with me after him.. he drilled it into my head that no one wants to date anyone that was divorcee..

he walks pass me as if I am no one its so weird being alone with him in this lonely house

SSSH. Come on. Head up! Don't talk yourself down like that.

No one can destroy you and you will find the courage you need, and feel a whole lot better when you get away from him. Guaranteed. Think of it this way. It's like you've been in prison and brainwashed, because that is what it amounts to. So, it is de-programming time now, and you do need to get therapeutic support with that.

Life can be scary at times. But nothing more scary than the situation you are in now.

What ? You would rather be hit/beaten up than be a divorcee? Are you someplace where you can't get a divorce or leave this situation?

He is terribly abusive I even told him hit me but dont hurt me with words its just so terrible I dont know what to do.Being a divorcee scares me.

"#Does love really last" (?)

- It can and does for billions each day.

Unfortunately, the prerequisites for a great, lifelong relationship/marriage are many times skipped in favor of silly words, vague feelings, fear and convenience.

If you think back, you probably remember all the signs of your incompatibility with him in the first six months of the relationship.

Sorry

Try to see this clearly, skip the self talk about being broken or meaning nothing or it was once a dream or marriage is bliss, all that is a smoke screen that keeps you from choosing what you need. You can love someone and not be compatible. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself, and your choices are yours. It is not your job to fix him. You've mentioned fixing him a couple of times. Instead of making this about him and his choices and thoughts, make this about you, since you are the only one you control and can change. Put your energy into doing what you need to do. I would leave, very simply, and talk to a lawyer ASAP about my divorce options.

So I decided to use a blog because I cant trust anyone around me enough to share my personal feelings without it getting thrown back in my face..

 

I jus got married, about 9 months ago.. and they say marriage is bliss. Well not for me. Well not anymore. Iv been with my partner for 6 years.. and im the emotional one in the relationship. We grew up completely different, its so hard to even relate. He comes from a home with an abusive father, a demanding family basically. He watched his father and mother physically abuse each other for years and fight every waking hour of every day. It messed him up more than he cares to admit. He is making our marriage absolute hell. He compares me to his mother in every aspect and it really gets to me. He swears and treats me terribly but to everyone else he is the perfect gentleman. I asked him to go to anger management or even therapy, he refuses. He degrades me calls me stupid and hurts my feelings telling me how other women would be better then I am.. he doesnt hold me or show any love towards me. I am so broken and so sad I am tired of fixing him aand always trying to be there for him when he isnt there for me. He swears me so ugly and when I cry he says I should go cry infront of someone who cares. Im so broken inside and I dont know where to turn. I love him with everything I have but apart of me hates him for hurting me.his excuse is that his tired and that he works hard.

 

What should I do?

Hon, this is called emotional abuse. You should leave. There is no excuse for treating someone this way. He's in control of his tongue, and lack of rest, hard work, NOTHING is an excuse for talking to you this way. Nothing.