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Thread: #does love really last

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
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    Once again, SSSH, not your job to fix anyone.

    "I really thought I could help him somehow maybe even fix him but I couldnt."

    Fixing is best left to the professionals, and all too often a lot of these individuals are unfixable.

    Don't spend time thinking. Action is required here. Because if you start pondering you will box yourself into a corner with the all too often "malignant optimism" of "maybe he isn't so bad. Yes, he is. And staying on in this situation will destroy you.

  2. #12
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    Yes I gues you are right im living in denial.. with the what ifs.. he isnt going to change he hasnt changed for anyone who am I? A no one to him. I guess its just really sad that he destroyed the happiness within me in the process. I lost myself. Being a divorcee scares me. I actually no one would actually want to be with me after him.. he drilled it into my head that no one wants to date anyone that was divorcee..

    he walks pass me as if I am no one its so weird being alone with him in this lonely house

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
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    SSSH. Come on. Head up! Don't talk yourself down like that.

    No one can destroy you and you will find the courage you need, and feel a whole lot better when you get away from him. Guaranteed. Think of it this way. It's like you've been in prison and brainwashed, because that is what it amounts to. So, it is de-programming time now, and you do need to get therapeutic support with that.
    Life can be scary at times. But nothing more scary than the situation you are in now.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What ? You would rather be hit/beaten up than be a divorcee? Are you someplace where you can't get a divorce or leave this situation?
    Originally Posted by sssh
    He is terribly abusive I even told him hit me but dont hurt me with words its just so terrible I dont know what to do.Being a divorcee scares me.

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  6. #15
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    "#Does love really last" (?)
    - It can and does for billions each day.

    Unfortunately, the prerequisites for a great, lifelong relationship/marriage are many times skipped in favor of silly words, vague feelings, fear and convenience.

    If you think back, you probably remember all the signs of your incompatibility with him in the first six months of the relationship.

    Sorry

  7. #16
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Try to see this clearly, skip the self talk about being broken or meaning nothing or it was once a dream or marriage is bliss, all that is a smoke screen that keeps you from choosing what you need. You can love someone and not be compatible. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself, and your choices are yours. It is not your job to fix him. You've mentioned fixing him a couple of times. Instead of making this about him and his choices and thoughts, make this about you, since you are the only one you control and can change. Put your energy into doing what you need to do. I would leave, very simply, and talk to a lawyer ASAP about my divorce options.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Liraele's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sssh
    So I decided to use a blog because I cant trust anyone around me enough to share my personal feelings without it getting thrown back in my face..

    I jus got married, about 9 months ago.. and they say marriage is bliss. Well not for me. Well not anymore. Iv been with my partner for 6 years.. and im the emotional one in the relationship. We grew up completely different, its so hard to even relate. He comes from a home with an abusive father, a demanding family basically. He watched his father and mother physically abuse each other for years and fight every waking hour of every day. It messed him up more than he cares to admit. He is making our marriage absolute hell. He compares me to his mother in every aspect and it really gets to me. He swears and treats me terribly but to everyone else he is the perfect gentleman. I asked him to go to anger management or even therapy, he refuses. He degrades me calls me stupid and hurts my feelings telling me how other women would be better then I am.. he doesnt hold me or show any love towards me. I am so broken and so sad I am tired of fixing him aand always trying to be there for him when he isnt there for me. He swears me so ugly and when I cry he says I should go cry infront of someone who cares. Im so broken inside and I dont know where to turn. I love him with everything I have but apart of me hates him for hurting me.his excuse is that his tired and that he works hard.

    What should I do?
    Hon, this is called emotional abuse. You should leave. There is no excuse for treating someone this way. He's in control of his tongue, and lack of rest, hard work, NOTHING is an excuse for talking to you this way. Nothing.

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