My best friend committed suicide. I'm numb, in shock...

My best friend and I weren't just friends, we were sisters, we called each other that. We both had strained relationships with our families, so it was always us...Lucy and Ethel getting through life together. We texted, called and spoke at least once a day. I had been texting her for a couple of days and she wasn't responding which isn't like her at all. She always responded immediately. I *felt* something was wrong the other day on my way to work. I sent her a text saying "I'm calling the police to check on you, this isn't funny call me now". I got to work, called the police and my worst fears were confirmed. She had taken her own life. The way she did it is haunting me and when I close my eyes I can't stop picturing her on her bed with a bag around her head.

I'm sick, I'm numb I'm in shock. She has no family other than a disabled mother who is in denial about her death. I'm making plans and arrangements but I'm having the hardest time just doing the bare essentials for myself. I can't eat, sleep or coherently make out sentences. I have a therapist, which I'm planning to call today. I just don't know what to do, she was my best friend for 38 years. A few weeks ago she sent me a text that read "I just looked at the calendar love and we've known each other for 38 years, YIKES, LOL". I keep trying to pick up the phone to tell her the awful news of one of our friends...but I can't. She's gone, I'd been texting a dead person for several days.

I just don't know how I can go on without her. She was my rock, the one that I always turned to. I don't know what to do.

Get to your therapist as soon as you can. I think the situation you are in is more than pretty much anyone here can help you with. Tho please do post if you feel a need to, I'm not saying dont do that.

I am so sorry to read this. You must be devastated. I know it's only very little, but we will all be here for you to post, vent, grieve, get angry, share with us whenever you want.

Do you have any friends or family who can support you? Making funeral/burial arrangements for someone while you are in shock and grieving is tough. Do you have anyone you can lean on? Please let them know what you are going through and ask for their help. If this happened to even a casual friend of mine, I would want to do whatever I could to help. Don't go through this alone.

So, so sorry, Surfdiva. How terrible. As sophie just said please do come here if only to talk to us.-

Get to your therapist as soon as you can. I think the situation you are in is more than pretty much anyone here can help you with. Tho please do post if you feel a need to, I'm not saying dont do that.

Yes, I have a call into my doctor this morning. It's just overwhelming and I'm worried he'll put me on medication which won't make me think clearly which I need to do. There's so much to do...her house, her pets, her belongings, the service. I'm just overwhelmed.

I am so sorry Surfdiva. I can't imagine your overwhelming pain.

Please stay strong and surround yourself with family and friends.

Losing someone to suicide is such a sad tragedy.

So sorry to hear this, very tragic. Take care of yourself through this.

I *felt* something was wrong the other day on my way to work. I have a therapist, which I'm planning to call today.

I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength to get through this.

 

Do you have any friends or family who can support you?

I do, my mother is going to help me plan the memorial. I've had so many calls, texts, etc. it's just overwhelming. I'm just physically in pain and in shock. I thought I'd receive a call that her phone was dead or broken. I didn't think the phone call to the police would end this way. I was getting annoyed at her for not responding and I keep reading and re-reading my texts that I had sent to someone who was gone

So, so sorry to see this devastating news. A family member committed suicide - a long time ago - and it really is in a different league to any other kind of bereavement. You are doing all the right things, and getting professional help - and it's also important to be true to yourself, and not to society's expectations of people who are grieving.

(((HUGE HUGS))) and thinking of you.

My best friend and I weren't just friends, we were sisters, we called each other that. We both had strained relationships with our families, so it was always us...Lucy and Ethel getting through life together. We texted, called and spoke at least once a day. I had been texting her for a couple of days and she wasn't responding which isn't like her at all. She always responded immediately. I *felt* something was wrong the other day on my way to work. I sent her a text saying "I'm calling the police to check on you, this isn't funny call me now". I got to work, called the police and my worst fears were confirmed. She had taken her own life. The way she did it is haunting me and when I close my eyes I can't stop picturing her on her bed with a bag around her head.

 

I'm sick, I'm numb I'm in shock. She has no family other than a disabled mother who is in denial about her death. I'm making plans and arrangements but I'm having the hardest time just doing the bare essentials for myself. I can't eat, sleep or coherently make out sentences. I have a therapist, which I'm planning to call today. I just don't know what to do, she was my best friend for 38 years. A few weeks ago she sent me a text that read "I just looked at the calendar love and we've known each other for 38 years, YIKES, LOL". I keep trying to pick up the phone to tell her the awful news of one of our friends...but I can't. She's gone, I'd been texting a dead person for several days.

 

I just don't know how I can go on without her. She was my rock, the one that I always turned to. I don't know what to do.

I'm so, so sorry. Please call your therapist ASAP. You need support.

I do, my mother is going to help me plan the memorial. I've had so many calls, texts, etc. it's just overwhelming. I'm just physically in pain and in shock. I thought I'd receive a call that her phone was dead or broken. I didn't think the phone call to the police would end this way. I was getting annoyed at her for not responding and I keep reading and re-reading my texts that I had sent to someone who was gone

 

She was gone - she didn't see them. Don't get caught up feeling guilty for nothing.

I'm so sorry.... How shocking and horrible. Please take good care of yourself right now.

Oh my goodness surfdiva, I am so, so, sorry. I don't know what to say that it is going to make you feel better. If it helps a little, we are here for you.

Thinking of you.

Some support resources:

This one has a database of support groups. Hopefully you can find something in your area.

Please resist the urge to make this somehow your fault. It's never anyone's fault.

I am so so very sorry. Please look after yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

I'm so sorry. I lost my best friend in high school the same way. 23 years now and still remember getting the phone call saying he was gone.

The biggest mistake I made was beating myself up, saying this wouldn't have happened if I had been a better friend. I realize now that he was facing bigger problems than I could solve.

HUGS

May you have the courage and strength to face this difficult time. Hopefully, you get better as time passes.

Thank you for the kind words. I've reached out to my doctor to see if he has a someone I could talk to about this. I'm not really feeling guilty, well maybe a little thinking I should have checked on her when I hadn't heard back sooner. I dunno, I think I'm just lost. I had no clue she was this sad and her note didn't give any clues at all. The note was so short with only a couple of words. I just keep looking at the texts I'd sent... "dude, why aren't you replying", "whad'ya got a hot date", etc. The whole time, she was dead

I think the most difficult part is *how* she did it. When I close my eyes, I can't stop picturing her like that and TRUST me, I've been trying everything, but it's all I can see. I just really, really really want to see her one more time and give her another hug. I had no idea the last time I saw her would be it...

I'm so sorry. I can imagine how hard it must be for you. So very tragic. Maybe try grief counseling to help you through this difficult time? ~Hugs~

Did she leave a note, a reason?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a brother to suicide, and know the drill very well. One minute at a time, one day at a time and most of all, be kind to yourself.

My deepest sympathy goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Just know there was nothing you could have done so you don't feel the blame that comes afterwards with suicide. I knew an older woman who lost her daughter to suicide twenty five years ago and blame and guilt haunted her still. I just don't want you to feel that way and neither would your friend.

She loves you and I know it's hard right now but remember her suicide was her own pain.

Again I'm so sorry.

We are all here for You!

Big virtual hugs!

What is the best memory you have of both togheter?

What is the best memory you have of both togheter?

LOL! Gosh, I've known her since I was 10 so there's SO many

I think one of the funniest was the time when we were 14 and when my parents would leave for the day, I'd "borrow" my mom's car. We accidentally left the garage door closed, and I backed into the door. That was interesting trying to explain that, LOL!