my boyfriend got a girl pregnant on our break

This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. Yesterday my boyfriend told me he got a girl pregnant. I boyfriend and i went on a break a few months ago and recently got back together. We've known eachother for 6 yesrs now but have only been in a relationship for a year before our "break". Keep in mind i asked for the break because i was going through alot with my family. i really love him so much and it hurts thinking about what happened. After we went on a break he started seeing this friends with benefits chick where he spend his time. The girl at the time knew about me and knew how much he loved me and our history together. We recently got back together and everything seemed fine at first.

For the past few days his been telling me his not in the right mind set. A few days ago we celebrated my birthday and everything was fine. On the other hand Yesterday i was over at his place and he told me the news. So apparently the girl his been friends with benefits with "miscalculated" when taking the pill. he asked her to take a morning after pill which she refused. So pretty much we both think this was a set up by her. We both called her and ask why she didnt take the morning after pill apparently she wanted to get pregnant and wouldnt get an abortion. My boyfriend and i are scared and don't know what to do. She told him he doesnt have to be involved in the baby's life. But him and i both know we cant continuing knowing that their is a babe on the way and the mother is refusing to let it go yet she complains that she's young and didnt choose that life. Please help us out we dont know what to do.

Could it be possible that she's bluffing?

Sorry, kinda of a mess. However this was her choice, so she has to deal and your bf has to pay if it's true and she goes through with it. Do you or your bf think it's a ploy to have him be involved with her?

 

Go no contact with her. If she has news of anything, she'll contact your bf. Do you really want to stay with someone who makes babies while you are on 'breaks'?

We both called her and ask why she didnt take the morning after pill apparently she wanted to get pregnant. She told him he doesnt have to be involved in the baby's life.

Thought the same thing.

Could it be possible that she's bluffing?

He should ask for a paternity test after the baby is born. HOWEVER, why in gawd's name was he not wearing a condom? Birth control is EVERYONE's responsibility. He is just as responsible as her. If it is his he can look forward to 18 years of child care payments and a kid out there missing their dad.

I'm sure there's more to the story, but this sounds like a rough situation to be in. *If* she is actually pregnant, all 3 of you have your own choices to make. Hers is to keep the baby or not. His is to be involved or not. Your choices are to continue a relationship with your boyfriend or not. I would suggest you not have any contact with her. Nothing good can come out of that right now. If I were him, I'd ask for proof of pregnancy. If she is, I'd want a paternity test done once the baby is born. You just have to decide if this mess of a situation is worth it to you or not.

You shouldn't be in contact with this woman at all. What happened is between her and your boyfriend, what happens as the pregnancy moves forward is between them, and it is incredibly inappropriate for you to call her and grill her about why she didn't take the morning after pill. Do not contact her any further.

 

As for what your boyfriend should do, all he can do now is wait for the woman to decide how she wants to move forward with the pregnancy, and if she does not want an abortion (sounds like she doesn't), for him to get ready for fatherhood. I agree a paternity test is a good idea once the baby is born, but he should resist the urge to vilify this woman. They were both involved in making bad decisions, and might soon be coparents for the next many many years.

 

You have a decision to make as to whether or not you can stay with your boyfriend if he is indeed to become a father. If you do not want to support your boyfriend throughout his child's gestation, then be a stepmother to this child and parent not only with your boyfriend, but to some extent, with this other woman, then unfortunately there is not much of a future for the relationship. Breaking up is sure to be incredibly hard and painful, but if you know you can't continue under these parameters, you will save yourself a lot of heartache to end things now rather than later. I'll just reiterate what I said above - you CAN NOT pressure this woman to have an abortion because you don't want your boyfriend to become a father like this. It is so wrong for you to do so. She and your boyfriend made their decisions when they had sex, now SHE gets to make the decision about the pregnancy and your boyfriend will make his decision as to how he will parent the child, if it is his - and I hope everyone he knows will encourage him to be an active and involved father, not just financially, if the child is born and is his.

You shouldn't be in contact with this woman at all. What happened is between her and your boyfriend, what happens as the pregnancy moves forward is between them, and it is incredibly inappropriate for you to call her and grill her about why she didn't take the morning after pill. Do not contact her any further.

As for what your boyfriend should do, all he can do now is wait for the woman to decide how she wants to move forward with the pregnancy, and if she does not want an abortion (sounds like she doesn't), for him to get ready for fatherhood. I agree a paternity test is a good idea once the baby is born, but he should resist the urge to vilify this woman. They were both involved in making bad decisions, and might soon be coparents for the next many many years.

 

You have a decision to make as to whether or not you can stay with your boyfriend if he is indeed to become a father. If you do not want to support your boyfriend throughout his child's gestation, then be a stepmother to this child and parent not only with your boyfriend, but to some extent, with this other woman, then unfortunately there is not much of a future for the relationship. Breaking up is sure to be incredibly hard and painful, but if you know you can't continue under these parameters, you will save yourself a lot of heartache to end things now rather than later. I'll just reiterate what I said above - you CAN NOT pressure this woman to have an abortion because you don't want your boyfriend to become a father like this. It is so wrong for you to do so. She and your boyfriend made their decisions when they had sex, now SHE gets to make the decision about the pregnancy and your boyfriend will make his decision as to how he will parent the child, if it is his - and I hope everyone he knows will encourage him to be an active and involved father, not just financially, if the child is born and is his.

 

^^ Basically this and what everyone else has said.

 

Sorry, Stink situation.

he asked her to take a morning after pill which she refused.

The morning after pill is only good up to 72 hours after a mishap so if he's telling you that, he's either very mis-informed or he's hoping you are and he's lying to you.

 

Please help us out we dont know what to do.

Please help "Us?" This isn't your issue. This is his and I can't for the life of me wonder why you would want anything to do with the whole baby momma drama that is going to be for the rest of this guys life.

 

I dunno but anyone who keeps an Eff buddy on speed dial isn't someone I'm going to be giving my heart to.

 

Has he at least asked her to supply proof through paternity testing that he's the father?

So pretty much we both think this was a set up by her. We both called her and ask why she didnt take the morning after pill apparently she wanted to get pregnant and wouldnt get an abortion.

 

Well, she didn't get herself pregnant. Your bf could have chosen to wear a condom. I agree with the others - it's not your place to be involved with her. He needs to take a paternity test and deal with the rest.

Sorry there must be a misunderstanding here. "When i said we called her" i meant he called her and it was on speaker so we both heard what she had to say. I have not contacted her what so ever. And the reason he didnt wear a condom was because she told him she was on the pill.

Sorry, kinda of a mess. However this was her choice, so she has to deal and your bf has to pay if it's true and she goes through with it. Do you or your bf think it's a ploy to have him be involved with her?

 

Go no contact with her. If she has news of anything, she'll contact your bf. Do you really want to stay with someone who makes babies while you are on 'breaks'?

 

I have not contacted her what so ever. When my boyfriend called her she was om speaker thats what i meant by that i havent even spoken to her.

Sorry there must be a misunderstanding here. "When i said we called her" i meant he called her and it was on speaker so we both heard what she had to say. I have not contacted her what so ever. And the reason he didnt wear a condom was because she told him she was on the pill.

 

It's a sucky situation, for sure. Well, now your boyfriend has learned to use 2 forms of birth control if he wants to prevent pregnancy. A painful, costly lesson. I'm sorry, it's a crappy situation for you. I can't imagine how I would feel if my bf got another woman pregnant on a break. If you decide to leave him, I wouldn't blame you one bit.

At first i thought she was bluffing not until she sent him a pregnancy test

At first i thought she was bluffing not until she sent him a pregnancy test

 

I mean, who knows what the deal is. If she is pregnant, it may not even be his baby. If she wants to keep it, it's totally up to her. Is this a woman who has had her eye on your boyfriend for a while and then saw her chance when you broke up?

My boyfriend was not wearing a condom at the time as she convinced him she was on the pill

It is still both partner's responsibility for birth control. It is not entirely on the woman. Men need to take responsibility too.

My boyfriend was not wearing a condom at the time as she convinced him she was on the pill

 

yeah, i got that. I mean, just saying that if a person wants to make sure that they aren't a parent, they need to take responsibility. That means wearing a condom even if your partner says they're on the pill, have an IUD, are infertile, whatever. If nothing else, what about any STDs? Have you taken an STD test since getting back with your bf?

What can I say? The man's efficient.

Please help us out we dont know what to do.

 

There's absolutely nothing that you can do. If she wants a baby, she'll have it. If she doesn't, she won't. You'll have to just accept it.

 

Your boyfriend is being set-up though. I've been there myself.

 

Consider your boyfriend's position. If you told him that you were on the pill, and he still insisted he wore a condom out of lack of trust in you, how would that make you feel?

 

So, either he wears a condom at all times, or he doesn't. If he doesn't, this can be the result.

 

Men have 2 forms of birth control. I believe women have over 50 (some of which can be used after the event), then there are abortions.

 

There is no such thing as an 'accident'. This woman wants a kid, and your boyfriend got unlucky/was stupid.

 

Your choice what to do now.

Consider your boyfriend's position. If you told him that you were on the pill, and he still insisted he wore a condom out of lack of trust in you, how would that make you feel?

 

yeah, but that was his FWB. Not his long-term girlfriend or wife.

yeah, but that was his FWB. Not his long-term girlfriend or wife.

 

Happened to me with a girlfriend.

 

Edit: one of my female cousins obviously did this with her guy last year too

 

Anyone that thinks men have any power over reproduction is ignoring the basics of life.

Happened to me with a girlfriend.

 

Anyone that thinks men have any power over reproduction is ignoring the basics of life.

 

I mean, that's my point - if a man wants to be sure that he's not going to be a father, he needs to wear a condom or have a vasectomy or just not have sex. The basics of life is that a man is needed for the sperm. A woman can't get pregnant on her own.

I mean, that's my point - if a man wants to be sure that he's not going to be a father, he needs to wear a condom or have a vasectomy or just not have sex. The basics of life is that a man is needed for the sperm. A woman can't get pregnant on her own.

 

The basics of life are that women have all of the power and options over reproduction. Obviously this goes against the common script that women are fragile victims, and that men are responsible for everything.

 

OP, her boyfriend, and the unborn child's lives are at the whims of this woman now. It's a selfish mess.

 

However, I agree that men should enact one of the only two options they do have.

 

Do you agree that a man shouldn't trust a woman saying that she's on the pill, then? Does your point stretch to that?

 

Like I said, wearing a condom is either a rule or it isn't.

Should anyone trust anyone to be truthful about birth control when the dynamic of the relationship is booty call? I don't think so.

 

Op: If your boyfriend was responsible, he'd want to protect himself from STD's when having casual sex. Get yourself tested for STI's and seriously consider what and who you're getting yourself involved in and if it's worth it.