Dating Across Racial Lines

Dating Across Racial Lines

Hello guys, thank you for taking the time to read this! Something that’s been bugging me for a while and I was hoping to be enlightening by the members of eNotalone with everyone’s stories, experiences, tips, and suggestions. That something is dating across racial lines, specifically concerning areas that aren’t very diverse. The current city I live in is primarily made up of Caucasian, and Hispanics.

As a 25-year-old Asian who is more attracted to Caucasians and Latinas, how do I break into the dating scene? I don’t find Asian women all that attractive or fun to be around, they tend to be very traditional, plays it safe with everything, and not at all adventurous about anything.

In the 2 years I’ve lived here, seeing an Asian out in the bar/party/club scene is extremely rare. Even if they are out, they’re not very approachable. Whenever I go out, I stick out like a sore thumb. Outgoing, very approachable and hold lengthy conversations with strangers all the time. Especially when PokemonGO came out, my friend and I would talk to EVERYONE, we were even recognized as the guys rollerblading around our local campus.

The thing that lead me to making this thread is, never have I been able to go on a date with any of these women I have pretty profound conversations with (without the influence of alcohol). -One of such conversation sticks out in my head happened last Halloween, I was sober and DDing for my roommates while the girl I was talking to did the same. I respectfully introduced myself and commented on the uniqueness of her costume (hipster princess). We had about a 30-minute conversation, talked about where we originally moved from (a lot of out of towners live and go to school here), what we were going to school for (psychology), and even shared what drove us to choose psychology for a major. During this time, we were laughing at drunks stumbling by, before we separated ways, I asked her for her phone number. The next day I texted her that it was a wonderful conversation we had last night and was nice to meet her, never heard back. There are actually many of these that I’m embarrassed to admit to. - The only women that’s ever responded were ones that already have a preference in dating Asian men.

Before this gets too long, the thing that is really bother me is, am I overthinking this? Or is it actually more difficult to date other races as an Asian male? I know there are a lot of poor stereotypes towards Asians being boring, party poopers, and lackluster to hang around with, but I prove that wrong every week. Despite how much I may fit in with the crowd I am hanging out with, I’ve never had any success dating anyone from those circles.

I’ve asked my friend to tell me what she thinks is the main struggle for me finding a relationship and she can’t put her finger on it. So I figure I ask here to see if my theory that being an Asian in a lowly diverse area might be the case?

TL;DR - Is dating across racial lines as an Asian male actually more difficult, or am I just doing something wrong?

Thank you,

J

Picking up women in clubs and bars is hit or miss no matter who you are. So it sounds more like your technique/approach than your ethnicity.

Get on some dating apps with a good profile and pics, that way the ones who respond are already accepting of who you are and interested.

As a 25-year-old Asian who is more attracted to Caucasians and Latinas, how do I break into the dating scene? The only women that’s ever responded were ones that already have a preference in dating Asian men.

I fully understand bar and club scenes are hit or misses, but those aren't the ones that jump out at me. The ones that irk me are the ones where I actually have communication and conversations with outside of bars and clubs. This applies to hobby groups, school, and pretty much anywhere else. My friends being ball busters and s would never let me down if I approached in an or disrespectful manner.

What are some techniques/approaches that are better received?

Get on dating apps ans stop the pick up artist nonsense.

What are some techniques/approaches that are better received?

I do have a dating app, and an online profile. The only ones that reply are ones that are interested in Asian culture, or prefer Asians.

Also I don't consider grabbing lunch the next day or a coffee to be "pick up artist nonsense". Trying to pick someone up for a one night stand would be.

I hope you recognize the irony of lamenting how it is more difficult for you to date across racial lines because it's hard for Asian males. It's odd because you yourself have racial preferences that limit your dating pool.

Preferences are ok but they are limiting as you see.

And so? Isn't that what you want? Or do you want to cold approach women who are not at all interested. Up to you. Or do you enjoy rejection and only approach those who are Not interested in you?

I do have a dating app, and an online profile. The only ones that reply are ones that are interested in Asian culture, or prefer Asians.

I do see the irony in this, to make it worse there aren't all that many Asians in my area either.

And so? Isn't that what you want? Or do you want to cold approach women who are not at all interested. Up to you. Or do you enjoy rejection and only approach those who are Not interested in you?

I've dated a couple in the past 2 years and personality clashed too much. They're far more traditional and expected someone more traditional in return.

Also, from everything I've read about online/app dating, it is far more unresponsive than meeting people out in the world. It is a well known that online dating is the equivalent of playing the lottery and hoping you get lucky and strike up a conversation.

So don't date Asians. Are your parents forcing you to is that what the rebellion is about? Date whoever you want, but if women don't want to date you game over.

I've dated a couple in the past 2 years and personality clashed too much. They're far more traditional and expected someone more traditional in return.

There are plenty of women out there who have a thing for Bruce Lee. It's an asset, not a liability. Get your attitude up.

It might help if you online date or try classes/groups. Try to get your face in front of as many women as possible.

So don't date Asians. Are your parents forcing you to is that what the rebellion is about? Date whoever you want, but if women don't want to date you game over.

I've been on my own and strayed away from tradition the first chance I've had so this has nothing to do with parents. Since 18, I haven't seen many Asians around in the field of work I chose. And yes I agree date whoever, and I have. and I also agree that if women don't want to date, that's game over. However, I'm trying to figure out what may be the cause of that. Whether it be location, my approach (like you said), my odor, or if something is stuck in my teeth; something that I may fix or change.

I do see the irony in this, to make it worse there aren't all that many Asians in my area either.

I don't judge you. If a white guy prefers white girls, it is really not an issue in many areas because that's the majority.

Just recognize it may be a long road and you don't know what the women you are approaching prefer.

LOL not all Asians are traditional such a stupid generalization. I think if you didn't make it so much of a race thing maybe you would actually be able to find someone. I don't think it's much of an issue to normal people, it's you not them. Change your attitude be more open, I don't know where the stereotypes you got of Asians being "boring, party poopers, and lackluster" that's such bullsh*t lol you say you prove those stereotypes wrong every week yet still believe in them yourself- "Asian women are traditional and not adventurous" who would wanna date someone like that ugh. Normal people don't really give a sh*t about stupid ridiculous stereotypes. It's actually not that difficult as I have lots of friends (male and female) including myself who are in interracial relationships. Idk what you doing/saying when you get to know people but you are doing something to drive them away.

Geez Nicolas Cage, John Lennon, Mark Zuckerberg, Rupert Murdoch and many many more Asian/Caucasian couples around, just for an example, so I think the problem is general frustration with women.

And not having a good profile or pics or not getting as many responses as you want. it seems you are doing nothing about it but insinuating all the women in your area won't date Asians because of your own preconceived notions. Your attitude seems to be your biggest obstacle.

But don't use being Asian as an excuse for generalized dating frustration and accuse all the local women of being 'prejudice' because you are not having the success you think you deserve.

I haven't seen many Asians around in the field of work I chose.Whether it be location, my approach

LOL not all Asians are traditional such a stupid generalization. I think if you didn't make it so much of a race thing maybe you would actually be able to find someone. I don't think it's much of an issue to normal people, it's you not them. Change your attitude be more open, I don't know where the stereotypes you got of Asians being "boring, party poopers, and lackluster" that's such bullsh*t lol you say you prove those stereotypes wrong every week yet still believe in them yourself- "Asian women are traditional and not adventurous" who would wanna date someone like that ugh. Normal people don't really give a sh*t about stupid ridiculous stereotypes. It's actually not that difficult as I have lots of friends (male and female) including myself who are in interracial relationships. Idk what you doing/saying when you get to know people but you are doing something to drive them away.

I agree that not all Asians are traditional but having lived in southern states for a majority if my adulthood, Asians don't stray too far from other Asians. In regards to stereotypes, it doesn't matter how much I disbelieve them, it doesn't change how others perceive them. I do see a lot of interracial relationships, and interracial relationships involving Asians are quite high. The stats that are high are Asian Female and Caucasian Male.

In various publishing's, Asian males struggle the most when it comes to dating in America. As for interracial relationships involving Asians, according to ], of all Asian American and Caucasian marriages, 71% are Asian Female, white Male and 29% vice versa. This research was done using a 2011 census and represents all of America. However, that demographics will shift from one location to another location.

Geez Nicolas Cage, John Lennon, Mark Zuckerberg, Rupert Murdoch and many many more Asian/Caucasian couples around, just for an example, so I think the problem is general frustration with women.

 

And not having a good profile or pics or not getting as many responses as you want. it seems you are doing nothing about it but insinuating all the women in your area won't date Asians because of your own preconceived notions. Your attitude seems to be your biggest obstacle.

 

But don't use being Asian as an excuse for generalized dating frustration and accuse all the local women of being 'prejudice' because you are not having the success you think you deserve.

Something you failed to notice in the list of names you posted, those are all Caucasian Male Asian Female marriages. They are nearly 3x times more common than the flip. And I don't believe I deserve any success, I just truly want to know what I may be doing wrong, be it location or something that I am doing.

You can say I am insinuating all women in m area won't date Asians, but according to many many articles regarding online dating, it is one of the more discouraging approaches to dating. It works for some, but playing power ball to others. Many people I've talked to who have had success with online dating don't even compare it to "dating". They throw out dozens upon dozens of messages and hope someone bites. Then back to it the next day.

I don't judge you. If a white guy prefers white girls, it is really not an issue in many areas because that's the majority.

 

Just recognize it may be a long road and you don't know what the women you are approaching prefer.

I agree with you that having a "preference" is a hindrance from your last post, Ms Darcy. It's not so much a preference on race but more the interaction. I've dated Asians before and they don't venture very far from their comfort zones. I know there will be those that say "not all of them are like that". But having lived here for a couple years and go out quite often, I haven't seen many.

And I understand it's a long road, I want to make sure I'm not going down a long road for nothing. I know that it is statistically proven that Asian men struggle more with dating, but that changes from city to city. More open minded liberal cities are full of more accepting people therefore opening up more roads. Living in the south where in some areas, people aren't very accepting at all. I don't want to waste my years of my life living somewhere without a possible prospect when I can stop the struggling and move somewhere that's infinitely more diverse.

I would like to apologize if I am posting to much, I wanted to respond to everyone but I don't know how to do that to everyone at once.

LOL not all Asians are traditional such a stupid generalization. I think if you didn't make it so much of a race thing maybe you would actually be able to find someone. I don't think it's much of an issue to normal people, it's you not them. Change your attitude be more open, I don't know where the stereotypes you got of Asians being "boring, party poopers, and lackluster" that's such bullsh*t lol you say you prove those stereotypes wrong every week yet still believe in them yourself- "Asian women are traditional and not adventurous" who would wanna date someone like that ugh. Normal people don't really give a sh*t about stupid ridiculous stereotypes. It's actually not that difficult as I have lots of friends (male and female) including myself who are in interracial relationships. Idk what you doing/saying when you get to know people but you are doing something to drive them away.

Just an observation, not an attack. It's a whole different ballgame when we are talking about Asian men and interracial dating versus Asian women. There's an OKCupid study/survey that identifies Asian men to be the least sought after race in terms of racial preferences on the site. Conversely, Asian women were among the more sought after races. For example, white males tended to prefer white and Asian women.

So, I appreciate and agree that race isn't important as it's just a construct. But it's one of the most powerful social constructs that we have and it subconsciously impacts dating decisions for the vast majority of people.

There is a certain amount of privilege that goes into dating for an Asian woman that should at least be acknowledged. Especially when many of find dating to be a numbers game. The wider your pool, the better your odds at finding what you seek.

I agree with you that having a "preference" is a hindrance...

And I understand it's a long road, I want to make sure I'm not going down a long road for nothing. I know that it is statistically proven that Asian men struggle more with dating, but that changes from city to city. More open minded liberal cities are full of more accepting people therefore opening up more roads. Living in the south where in some areas, people aren't very accepting at all. I don't want to waste my years of my life living somewhere without a possible prospect when I can stop the struggling and move somewhere that's infinitely more diverse.

 

I would like to apologize if I am posting to much, I wanted to respond to everyone but I don't know how to do that to everyone at once.

Post as much as you want! As you can see, I do.

 

Before this gets too long, the thing that is really bother me is, am I overthinking this? Or is it actually more difficult to date other races as an Asian male? I know there are a lot of poor stereotypes towards Asians being boring, party poopers, and lackluster to hang around with, but I prove that wrong every week. Despite how much I may fit in with the crowd I am hanging out with, I’ve never had any success dating anyone from those circles.

 

I’ve asked my friend to tell me what she thinks is the main struggle for me finding a relationship and she can’t put her finger on it. So I figure I ask here to see if my theory that being an Asian in a lowly diverse area might be the case?

 

 

J

Yes. I think you're overthinking this. And to be honest, I've never heard of these stereotypes. If fact, there are very few Asians in my area, but one did go to my small high school. He was our class clown, and everyone loved him. I can't remember him ever having a girlfriend as we were growing up, but He is now married to a beautiful Caucasian woman and they have a couple of kids. I think you just haven't found a good match yet. I don't think it has anything to do with your race. We can't possibly tell you if you're doing anything wrong. We don't know if you've got terrible breath, if you pick your nose and wipe it on your pants in front of these girls, or talk in a monotone voice all the time. But it sounds like you are friendly and outgoing, have a good social life with friends and people generally perceive you well. So it's doubtful that you're doing anything wrong

Just an observation, not an attack. It's a whole different ballgame when we are talking about Asian men and interracial dating versus Asian women. There's an OKCupid study/survey that identifies Asian men to be the least sought after race in terms of racial preferences on the site. Conversely, Asian women were among the more sought after races. For example, white males tended to prefer white and Asian women.

 

So, I appreciate and agree that race isn't important as it's just a construct. But it's one of the most powerful social constructs that we have and it subconsciously impacts dating decisions for the vast majority of people.

 

There is a certain amount of privilege that goes into dating for an Asian woman that should at least be acknowledged. Especially when many of find dating to be a numbers game. The wider your pool, the better your odds at finding what you seek.

Columbia University also published a study based on speed dating and pretty much determined the same thing. For Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics, the results varied slightly from each other while significantly lowered towards Asians. The opposite can be said for females later down on the paper.

In a perfect world, race wouldn't matter. However, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in many little worlds where reality isn't the same for everyone. Such holds true living in a conservative southern state. I'm not trying to point a finger at women and call them out for being frigid or unapproachable; I'm simply trying to see different people's perspectives who has had uncommon relationships in the past or is current in one.

Yes. I think you're overthinking this. And to be honest, I've never heard of these stereotypes. If fact, there are very few Asians in my area, but one did go to my small high school. He was our class clown, and everyone loved him. I can't remember him ever having a girlfriend as we were growing up, but He is now married to a beautiful Caucasian woman and they have a couple of kids. I think you just haven't found a good match yet. I don't think it has anything to do with your race. We can't possibly tell you if you're doing anything wrong. We don't know if you've got terrible breath, if you pick your nose and wipe it on your pants in front of these girls, or talk in a monotone voice all the time. But it sounds like you are friendly and outgoing, have a good social life with friends and people generally perceive you well. So it's doubtful that you're doing anything wrong

 

These kind of stories give me hope! Hope that it's just a time thing and haven't picked the right numbers to win the lotto yet! I certainly hope my breath does not stink, that's atrocious. Same thing with the nose thing, I hope I hide that well enough. And... vocal lessons, got it!

Maybe I'm confused. You have a preference of Caucasian women, right? You're in an area that is predominantly Caucasian, and you're a minority as an Asian male, right? If you're not interested in finding an Asian partner, how would moving to an area that is more diverse increase your chances of finding dating partners if what you're interested in is all around you?

Maybe I'm confused. You have a preference of Caucasian women, right? You're in an area that is predominantly Caucasian, and you're a minority as an Asian male, right? If you're not interested in finding an Asian partner, how would moving to an area that is more diverse increase your chances of finding dating partners if what you're interested in is all around you?

In larger, diverse cities people tend to be more open minded while here everyone kind of stays with what they're familiar with.