He broke up with me and now says I ruined him!

Hi everyone,

I'm sure everyone is familiar with my story but if not then here it is

I talk to one of my friends last night and she told me my ex is going around saying he is so damaged now after the breakup that he will probably never get married. I mean I WAS the one that wanted to marry him, HE is the one that made up all kinds of excuses not to marry me.

Oh he is having a grand time right now, hanging out with friends he never hung out with before, hanging out with people he never liked when we broke up. Traveling all over the place now. I'm sitting here every night crying my eyes out, and he's having a great time and telling people I broke him, and that he's sooo damaged now, and that I really did a number on him.

Does anyone think he will ever get over it and realize he made a mistake? I love him so much and do want him back but know he's not good for me. But everytime I hear him saying how much I hurt him, it sets me back and I start feeling bad..

Help...

For what it's worth, he didn't seem all that interested in marriage to begin with. Now he is using the break up to get attention and sympathy. Ick. He can blame you all he wants, but he's a big boy who can make his own choices. If he chooses not to heal, that's on him.

Everyone acts out their pain in different ways. Some people cry at home, others travel and meet new people. But underneath the facade of being okay there is pain on both sides.

It doesn't sound like this conversation you had with your friend was very healthy for you. I think you know that no contact is the best option. Even if he comes back (which seems doubtful at this point), you'll keep getting more of what you were getting before.

Try to stop letting friends talk about him or keep tabs or creep his social media. Out of sight out of mind. Pay no attention to whatever nonsense he is telling people. He was a bs-er to begin with. Ignore him. It doesn't matter whatsoever what his reasons are or if you think he should admit mistakes.

What matters is bad friends who love pouring salt in your wounds and stirring up the pot for their own amusement and drama. tell this frenemy next time "I would rather not talk about him". If she persists, drop her, she's not your friend.

I talk to one of my friends last night and she told me my ex is going around saying he is so damaged now after the breakup that he will probably never get married.

I dont think I ever met someone and told them that I had blame or fault in my previous relationship. I dont go out saying "Oh I totally treated my X like dirt" or "She broke up with me because I cheated on her only 4 times". You have to remember that some people will villianize their X to gain sympathy. The truth doesnt matter when you meet new people. Its how we want the new person to see our X.

So when you hear how you were the bad one or you ruined him or whatever, it doesnt mean its the truth, its him looking for some new girl to say "Oh Im sorry she treated you so bad, Ill never do that to you" Its just how people are.

Dont worry about what is said. Smile because you can hold your head up high and say you were the best GF and he wasnt ready for what you had to offer. His loss. Youll eventually meet someone that is ready for what you have to offer. This guy has his shot. So no more tears.. dont cry for a this guy. Youll be just fine without him.

Tell your "friends" to stop talking about him!

They are NOT helping.

And resist the urge to ask about him.

As you can see, talking about him or hearing about him makes you feel worse. So, don't do it.

I agree it makes me feel horrible. I don't ask about him at all and today I'm on day 9 of NC. Everyone just keeps bringing him up to me, it's annoying. I start feeling better and then bam..."oh he's broken" "he'll never date again". Well that's his problem then. I was a wonderful gf to him except a few things, but he wasn't the best bf either. My gut does tell me when this is all said and done, he will see what he lost. But hopefully, by then I am in a new relationship with a man that treats me well and wants to actually marry me. I wish moving away was an easy and an option, we just have too many mutual friends. I know one thing, I will never break NC...and let him have the satisfaction of knowing I still care. I feel like he is trying to get a response from me and break me....what do you guys think

Exactly! Don't even second guess yourself or give any credence to this inane hearsay. Yes, do not take the bait or let this crap waste space in your head.

Well that's his problem then.

I agree it makes me feel horrible. I don't ask about him at all and today I'm on day 9 of NC. Everyone just keeps bringing him up to me, it's annoying. I start feeling better and then bam..."oh he's broken" "he'll never date again". Well that's his problem then. I was a wonderful gf to him except a few things, but he wasn't the best bf either. My gut does tell me when this is all said and done, he will see what he lost. But hopefully, by then I am in a new relationship with a man that treats me well and wants to actually marry me. I wish moving away was an easy and an option, we just have too many mutual friends. I know one thing, I will never break NC...and let him have the satisfaction of knowing I still care. I feel like he is trying to get a response from me and break me....what do you guys think

The phrase, "it makes me feel horrible" is normal, understandable. It doesn't have to be that way. Choose to process it differently. Assume that friends are trying to do a good deed and say, "I do hope he finds what he wants" or perhaps, "break ups are hard for everyone. I certainly didn't see this coming when he did it but maybe it's for the best".

Focus on your friends, and tell your story not anyobe else's. "Well, it hurt when he broke up with me but now I am focused on moving forward and being grateful for what I've got."

And remind yourself other people mean well but are flawed. Help them help you by telling them where YOU'RE thinking is focused.

1. Don't let your friends tell you about him. Who needs that? Especially when you're crying your eyes out each night. He's trying to get under your skin from afar, and it's working.

2. I read your initial post, and it sounds like this guy is a real piece of work. He strung you along for 2 years making false promises of marriage and refusing to actually marry you? You are mature adults, who does that?

3. That relationship also sounds like it was rocky from the start, so maybe he did you a favor by not marrying you.

4. Go out, have fun, forget about him as much as possible! Meet NEW people who aren't associated with your ex. Do your thing!

Jackie... Happiness is the sweetest revenge.

He is a piece of work. I really think he ran with this whole thing cause he knew I kept pushing for marriage. He should have just let me break up with him when I wanted to. I think I am going to start stopping people and just say I don't want to hear it. I'm the type of person that thinks a lot, and the thoughts just keep running through my head from the moment I wake up till when I sleep. I don't know how to stop it. I am trying to change my mindset but it only helps a little.

I have a wedding to go to during labor day weekend, and he and all of our friends will be there, but I'm going to decline, I can't handle it right now. I will be a mess the whole weekend, it's a wedding in a different state. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop thinking about things all the time...?

Thank you No1, I am really really really really trying to get to that happiness. I am really trying. I did go on a date with another guy over the weekend to try to move on. I had a good time, but couldn't get my mind off the ex. I just wanna wake up one day and not care at all about him. I honestly hate him at this point, he is still trying to play mind games with me

Having read your other thread it seems you gave him all the excuse he needed to end a relationship that he had lost interest in. To be honest, you made a rather silly choice which probably hit his ego and he is now making you pay.

To be honest, it doesn't sound as though the relationship was going to go any further forward in his eyes so I really wouldn't waste any effort on wondering whether he wants to come back. Try to focus on the fact that he is no good for you.

Question

Does thinking about the relationship engage you with a topic to resolve, such that it is both stimulating aand provides a sense of growth and accomplishment?

And if so,

Does it also provide a distraction away from the mundane tasks that may require your attention, but that are not getting your attention because you are focusing on this rl instead?

IThinkICan, Yes! There are so many things I have lost interest in doing, because my mind is always on this. And...why can't I put my silly ego away and just let him goooooo