Stripper Problem

I began paying a stripper to see me at home about 6 months ago. As far as I know this was the first time she has ever done this. I met her at a strip club about a year ago and she gave me here phone number with the intent to date me. Two weeks later she met another guy at same club... gave him her number and they actually started dating. We kept in contact (She continued to dance and only after about 6 months later did I suggest I pay her to see me at home). I know this all rather sorted. Anyway the guy she has been dating is verbally abusive to her and she has confided in me about this. Anyway in the last 2 weeks I guess I have wanted to pay to see her more than what she has wanted to see me. I have spent about $10,000 to see the girl. She has now blocked my phone / text ... After saying she was going to move out from the guy's house I think she now has let him back into her heart. I never really intended this to happen like this. I am just depressed and can't stop thinking about the girl. It has been 5 days since we spoke / texted. Trying hard to get over.

What are the reasons you turned to the strip club and this woman in the first place?

What are your circumstances that it has been so attractive to you?

Are you interested in 'regular' dating and maybe even a relationship with someone?

Ummm... Well I'm not sure if you titled your post "stripper problem" because you actually admit you have a problem or you just have a problem with her? Coz really I do think you have a problem and may even wish to go to therapist for this. It sounds like you became really addicted/obsessed with the stripper or you fell in love with her, which is all very unhealthy and you should probably think about why you were actually doing this. I mean, that girl already rejected you coz she chose not to date you but dated another guy instead. Then you were still desperate to have her and spent ten thousand dollars on her, good lord! If she blocked you that means you were being extremely full on and maybe bordering on stalking. You were giving her A LOT of money and for her to block you and miss out on the money, you must have done something to freak her out. Is there something lacking in your life, are you lonely? Why do you feel you have to pay a woman thousands of dollars to spend time with you? Keep in mind that was all just a job and money for her, she doesn't actually care about you. She already rejected you before for dating and now blocked, so she's now not interested in you even for money. I think it's good she blocked you. You need to leave her alone.

Hi,

Good questions. I am interested in a regular relationship. I was going to the strip club not to find someone to date. I have never asked a dancer for a phone number. After meeting her at the club .. she gave me her phone number. I suppose it could have a been a "grand plan" for her to eventually start to make me a paying client outside the club. But at the time ... after our first regular date.. it felt "real" and I thought I would be dating her ... until she meet the other guy within two weeks of when I met her. Reasons ... she is an attractive, articulate women .. who seemed like someone I could date. I must admit after I found out she met someone else and was seeing them within two weeks ... I started to question myself. Anyway ... I kept going to same club and kept seeing her at club and paying her at club. I suppose because I had no other way to see because she was with the other guy. Seems I wasted a lot of money with someone who really did not care about me. This is the depressing part. In addition, she had become my only best friend. She talked a lot about the other guy and how badly he treated her. Anyway ... all just seems like a huge waste at this point. It does not make .. trying to get over her any easier.

Hi,

Good points. I think I will see a therapist. Thanks for the frank advice.

First when you have to spend that kind of money to find love, it is not love. I think you are just infatuated with her and whatever is is that is causing you to obsessed over her, just know and realized that it is unhealthy the the path you are taking. I would stop spending money on strip clubs or the stripper. I would spend it on a good therapist. I think that's what you need more than the stripper at this point. Sorry, not trying to sound harsh. I believe seeing a therapist would help you a great deal to overcome underlying issues which is causing you to resort to the stripper in the first place. Good luck!

Hi,

It sounds like she was just using you for the money. I doubt she is even dating that guy, he is just another cash flow for her. I would steer clear of trying to have relationships with those types of woman they will do anything and say anything to get money.

Lisa

Hi,

Thanks for the advice. You are correct. Trying very hard to just forget about the whole experience (crying) ... it has been very hard on me.

Trying to stay positive and immerse myself in work (at work now). Life sucks

The beautiful thing about strippers is they are excellent at their jobs.

Work is work.

Read that sentence again: work is work.

A stripper is paid to give you the illusion of attraction, of desire. She never owed you anything more than what you paid for. If there was semblance of feelings there, it's because she's excellent at her job. For $10k, I would surely act as interested as I possibly could.

This has all been an illusion. She's no longer interested in this arrangement. Work on moving on from this fantasy you've conjured up and work on meeting women whose company doesn't require a checkbook.

Find a regular woman to fall in love with you, not a stripper. Money is not as big a hook as love. Plus, you are spending too much!

Hi,

You are of course correct. I began to realize this a while back. The illusion. There was one time a while back where I told her I wanted more and well she did make me think ... she would be disappointed if our arrangement would stop. But ... like you say ... end the end maybe it was really just all about money. I have felt manipulated inside of a club before .. but never thought I would have happen outside a club. (I thought it was my idea .. maybe it was hers all along ... even more depressing). Anyway .. still hurts like a mother-F ker ... when it is all over.

Hi,

Yes ... way too much $. Just need to forget and go to therapist.

I'm wondering how you can justify $10K on a stripper.

Hi,

Well ........ I thought several times that she was or had broken up with the guy she was with. She moved in with him about 6 months ago and has been trying to move out for the last several months. She had told me the last couple of times that I did not need to pay her to have sex. But ... I thought I was helping her with money to help her move out and get away from this guy. He has a way of beating her down and making her take responsibility for their relationship not working and as a result has gone back to him multiple times. At the same time I have not been honest with myself and should have realized that while maybe not being with him.... that does not going to mean she will be with me. We did talk about her moving in with me. But ...not sure that was her way of keeping me "hooked" at this point. When we were "together" she was very hot and well it all seemed real. I am just an idiot ... it appears. In addition she is legitimately working for him (she takes pictures for properties he is assesing ... he pays her for that). I know they get in horrible arguments ... she has told me she "hates" him. I think despite all of this ... she actually still loves him and can't get out of a cycle of emotional abuse he puts her through. None of it matters ... I can't talk to her anymore ... just feels like crap. I have "been there" for her both emotionally and financially ... yet she still remains with the .

She is not just a stripper, the fact that she took your money to come pay you house visits means she is also an escort. This is how she makes a living, and you, that guy she told you about and many others are just pockets to her. She plays whatever role is required to in order to keep the cash flow going, but make no mistake, her heart is not into it, like someone else said, she just gave you an illusion, the "girlfriend experience".

I don't doubt it was real to you, because you wanted it to be real. I have heard about cases like this (I think there have been a couple on this forum as well), when strip club patrons fall for strippers and start imagining a relationship like no other - but the sad reality is that while they develop real feelings, in most of these situations they are just being taken for a ride by said strippers.

The fact that she is a stripper/escort won't make much difference at this point, your pain is real and you need to deal with it the same way one deals with any other breakup - by taking your time to mourn losing what you thought you had and going through all stages of grief. I'm sure as the memory of the fantasy she created in your head fades, you will start to see her in the right light and you will realize it was just a job for her, and this will make your moving on process a bit easier. You also must have learned a lesson - when a woman takes money from you in return for sex or even hanging out, it's a red flag - it means you have to abort mission asap because she is up to no good.

Hi,

Thanks for the good advice. I should have never let myself get sucked into the whole thing. Just need to move on. Thanks for being understanding.

I dot know why you would even consider going to a strip club to find someone to date

That she has taken $10000 from you means it is only a business arrangement

You sound incredibly lonely

I also think you would benefit from therapy apart from the depression you mention something must be going on if you consider a strip club as a acceptable place to date women

Work on yourself and make some positive changes in your life then once you are in a good place you will be ready to date someone who won't just take your money

Good luck

Hi,

Well ...... I have gone to strip clubs for years ,... usually just get a beer and some frys ... stay half hour. I normally never let myself get tricked into even getting a dance. Anyway ... she seemed real and gave me her number. I have never had a stripper do that. Maybe it was all just a way for me to become a client inside club or outside. I am lonely. Don't know why. I am successfull, not overweight, a nice guy. Tried dating on match .. not much luck. Anyway ... I always thought I had would continue to see her ... since I paid her. I guess someone can get sick of you ... even if you pay them. Anyway ... my own fault. Should have seen it for waht it was. I never intended to date her. I just was very attracted to her .. when I would see her in the club and I was paying a lot when I would dances in the club ... so I thought why give the club and money .. just have her see me at home and pay her. At first I never ever thought we would have sex ... because she seemed so wrapped up in that other guy. They were having problems ... I had more money than what he did and well ... we started having sex. I did bring up in the last month or so that I wanted a "regular" relationship. She did not seem to want that. But at same time we kept seeing each other ... with our arrangement. I should have not let myself get sucked into having feelings for her. Not so easy ... when you really like someone.

It really sounds to me that a deep loneliness is at the heart of this for you. You mentioned she became to you your best friend.

It's very sad to hear this, as this woman is in the business of exploiting the loneliness and desire to be wanted of men. And she made a lot of money and brought your sadness to head by doing just that.

But it's an opportunity for you too, in a way, to confront what in your life isn't working and how to change that. It's an opportunity to see it and not run from it anymore.

Are you in an industry that means a lot of isolation and long times away by chance?

I do hope you'll go talk to a therapist and I wish you the best. I know it hurts like hell but that's temporary. Think of what the rest of your life CAN be. It'll be ok.

Yes .... It seems ... and this is very hard. My only friend ... I thought. I never expected this to happen ... horribly horribly hard at the moment. Even if our arrangement would end .. I expected we would stay in contact. It truly feels worse than anything I have ever gone through ..

I will be in contact with therapist monday. Thanks for all your support and others on this site. You have all been for the most part very understanding.

There are 3 things that sound good only in your head:

1) dating (or being involved with) a stripper

2) buying a yacht

3)having a threesome with a friend..

just do your best to forget it...

Hi,

I deluded myself into thinking it was normal. Way abnormal. Better to do this than try and get back together ... If I pass a razor wire up one nostril and and down the other , while poking my eyes out with needles ... it will only hurt marginally less that talking / texting her.

I have spent about $10,000 to see the girl..

I have to admit, this blows my mind. It sounds like you're trying to buy her love - this is major infatuation/obsession and all you're doing is throwing away your money. I would say use that money in future for a good therapist and not waste it on strip clubs/girls.

Hi,

 

I deluded myself into thinking it was normal. Way abnormal. Better to do this than try and get back together ... If I pass a razor wire up one nostril and and down the other , while poking my eyes out with needles ... it will only hurt marginally less that talking / texting her.

OK dude you really need to maybe see a therapist and get a total reality check. You fell in love with a STRIPPER and PROSTITUTE. It's her job and she was just doing her job. I'm sorry but how could you have actually thought it was real? Look don't get me wrong when people see a gorgeous woman I'm sure it's easy to get infatuated but this is some serious delusion right there. I'm bi and actually I like going to the strippers myself but I go extremely rarely just on a night out with friends and maybe get one lap dance and sometimes none at all. It sounds to me like even to begin with you were going to the strippers too much and you were already getting too many dances from her and getting obsessed with her as it was. You obviously have a good job and you are very well off if you can spend ten thousand dollars just on stripping and sex. But do you have friends, family, hobbies? Do you go out other than just go to the strippers? I'm sorry but there really has to be something missing in your life if you spent all your time with a stripper, spent thousands of dollars on her and considered her your "best friend". Best friend?! You PAID her to even spend time with you. Do you not even have any other friends that you have to pay someone to be your friend?

I know it seemed real to you but what the good indicator is that she only did it for the money was that she didn't want to date you at all and she never offered to sleep with you or strip for you for free. I mean you say the last couple of times she offered for free which I think actually was a manipulation to once again trick you into thinking she liked you. She probably knew you'd offer money anyway, which you DID. She could read you like the back of her hand, she knew you were hooked and you were a sure thing cash cow for her. But once she made enough money from you and you were getting too obsessed with her, she just cut you off just like that.

You thought she would date you but keep in mind, she met YOU first and gave her number to you first, but she didn't date you but chose the other guy. Anyway you don't even know what the real situation was with another guy. Maybe she wasn't even dating him or he wasn't actually abusive. She may have been making up those stories to appear as a "damsel in distress" and make you financially rush to her rescue. You said she'd never given her number to anyone before you, but she gave her number to the other guy only two weeks after you, so she probably does it all the time. One time a gorgeous stripper gave out her number to my ex-girlfriend but when my ex contacted her she was barely replying and then just totally never responded. Maybe she was trying to get more money too but my ex wasn't requesting her stripping services so she stopped talking to her.

You say you tried online dating but sounds like you gave up pretty quickly? Wouldn't even having sex and hanging out with some random woman from Tinder be better because at least she'd be doing it for free? Really I think you are horribly horribly lonely and deep down dying for a relationship with a woman so you deluded yourself into thinking you were dating that stripper. You need to put yourself out there again and start dating. And don't flash your money at women anymore like that, do you really want to be used again?